Livin The Dream

We've had some really nice days together. Mmm-hmm. Nice morning, too. Beesly. Oh, my God.

Which tie makes me look like a guy who likes sofas?

Thin-sliced Tuna. Carpaccio. Go on.

Half the time, I don't know if I'm wearing my stage makeup or my work makeup.

The county took my cats. Wait, all of them? Two sacks' worth.

I've never met anyone like that.

Angela, you still have your son. I guess.

Basher, thrasher, crasher and... Smasher. 'Smasher'? No. Where'd you get that? Fireball!

Sensei Billy says most students don't spend $150,000 over 20 years to get their black belt.

Is Andy in? Sorry, I thought you said, 'Is Indian?' And I was like, 'Is Indian what?' Is Indian food good? Is Indian jewelry pretty? Is Indian hair an expensive kind of wig? Yes to all three, by the way.

David Walrus in his native habitat.

And yesterday, he asked me to pay for cheek implants. Claimed it's going to boost office morale.

At my last headshot sitting, I was so distracted wondering what I was missing at work that I came across totally manic. And I was going for zany.

I see no reason to limit myself to just acting. I am pursuing fame of any kind.

I think just about anybody can be a star. My postman, the night janitor here... But Andy? No, definitely not. Charisma black hole.

Well, I'm here to sell paper. Burn.

It is very easy to get lost in Pete's beautiful, dead eyes.

I wasn't fired. What are you talking about? I'm fired up. Yes.

Andy sings beautifully, and he's really good at dancing. He's a good speaker. But there's just something there you don't want to look at.

You don't watch baseball. I keep forgetting that.

You're meant for a job with lots and lots of slack.

The male is a funny species. We don't just tell each other how we feel. That's chick stuff. So instead of saying, 'Hey, Andy, I love you, man. I don't want you to leave,' you say something like, 'Hey, Andy, you're making the worst mistake of your life. You're not talented.'

You know who's really funny? This bird in the park that can't fly right. I'd pay to see him. But I don't have to, 'cause the park is free.

Take my belt, Master. I now submit to you every part of myself. That's really okay. I'm mostly focused on the belt here.

I can't do this if you're gonna be thrusting like that, okay?

He would strap me to his chest in a Baby Bjorn made for fat children and do lunges across the farm.

I felt like I was flying.

You can just call me Billy. And no. No, but Dwight insisted. He wanted to receive his black belt in the place he loves most in the world.

Irritating? Also yes. But I've got to hand it to him, he is one of the most tenacious and determined men I've ever met.

I am so proud of you, Schruberry blue.

Dude, there is no way that Jim is just back here to 'hang out with Pam.' He wants the manager's chair. And I thought you wanted that job.

Hey, if there's someone who loves paper more than Dwight, I definitely don't want to meet that person.

Our question is... it seems dumb.

But what if you were to stay here, you know, and 'full-ass' it?

You're too character-y to be a lead, and you're not fat enough to be a great character actor.

But he also can't make it as an employee in an office, so, you know, why not go nuts with it?

If you want to get rid of a headache, you sit on something sharp. Any sensei will tell you that.

I was an obese child. I never talk about that here, but Nard-Dog's outta here, so lettin' it all hang out.

Dear God, don't quit your dayjob.

Alexander the Great, if he were Cockney.

We lay together. That's something you can't take back.

Andy, honestly, I think you might become homeless or maybe even starve.

I mean, I was interim manager once, but then I shot that gun.

Why do you already have this? In case Michael or Andy ever got killed in a traffic accident and there was a trade show on the same day.

Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller. It's a great play about crushed dreams. No, this one was written by SpongeBob SquarePants.

And here, I've been stapling the same way for 20 years like a frickin' sheep.

What?

Dwight Schrute is manager! Yeah!

Creed Bratton is the new manager!

You're an annex kid. You might be bullpen. We'll see. Give it a couple years. Scram.

Way to negotiate, idiot.

When Cortés landed in Mexico, only way he got his men to defeat the Aztecs was by burning all of his own boats so they could never return home. Huge dick move, but very effective.

So I need you to go into my file and put down that I was fired for theft and/or groping wieners.

Okay, all right. Groped you good. Off to Hollywood!

You have so many hairs on your chin, Animal Control should've taken you away. That is very unladylike. You are disgusting!

What if I took a dump on your new car?

What we had was great, and, honestly, I think about it a lot, too. Ugh. But I just... It's in the past. No, that's not... ...rehash... No, none... No, stop. It's just... Exactly. Okay.

You are not going to live in a tent. Come stay with me. You don't want me at your place. I do. Yes.

Angela, you just were... I love him. I know. I understand more than most, but we both have to move on. You can't... No, not the Senator. I love Dwight.