Paper Airplane

Dwight:You think you can beat me at paper airplanes? I will haunt your nightmares. I will be there when you wake up in a cold sweat at 3 AM. I will whisper your failures in the darkness.

Jim:Dwight, it's just a paper airplane competition.

Dwight:There is no 'just' about it, Jim. There is only victory and the eternal torment of defeat.

Discussing paper quality with vague innuendo delivery about environmental impact

Michael Scott:Some contestants fundamentally failed at the basic airplane concept.

Dwight Schrute:You should have announced your presence with a warning whistle.

Michael Scott:We're down to the elite eight!

Michael Scott:Well, seven of you are elite. Toby, you're just... here.

Andy:I'm moving to Los Angeles. I got a job offer from a major talent agency.

Andy:Next week I'm signing with CAA. The week after that, I'm getting my first movie role.

Andy:By month two, I'll be negotiating my first nine-figure deal.

Andy:Month three, I'm hosting the Oscars. Month four, I'm actually winning one.

Andy:By the end of the year, I'll be so famous I won't remember any of your names.

Andy:So, I guess this is goodbye.

Andy:So here's how I'm connected to Brad Pitt. I went to Cornell, right? And Cornell has produced many successful actors. Brad Pitt went to the University of Missouri. Both are universities. I'm basically Brad Pitt.

Andy:You know what? I'm going to move to Hollywood. I'm going to be a huge star.

Andy:I'll make movies like Moneyballs, Moneyballs 2, Moneyballs 3...

Andy:Oh my God! Oh no, no, no, no, no... I can't... I can't look at that.

Andy:This flame is... DANGEROUS!

Andy:Okay people, that was take 47. I think we're getting closer, but I need more energy. More passion. This is an industrial video about warehouse safety, and I need you to sell it like your life depends on it.

Andy:Take 48. And... action!

Andy:Cut! No, no, no. Your eyes weren't sincere enough. When you say 'Always wear your hard hat,' I need to believe you would die for that hard hat.

Andy:Take 92. We're almost there, people. I can feel it.

Jim:So the therapist said we need to work on our communication.

Pam:Yeah, and also apparently I don't listen when you talk about your fantasy football league.

Jim:Which is true, but that's not really a marriage issue.

Pam:The therapist thinks it might be a symptom of larger intimacy problems.

Jim:Did she really say that? In front of everyone?

Therapist:I want you to try reframing negative situations in a positive light. Find the silver lining.

Pam:Okay, so like... when Jim ignores me, I'm really just getting alone time to pursue my interests.

Therapist:Good, good. What else?

Pam:When Dwight breathes heavily near my desk, he's really just showing enthusiasm for his work.

Therapist:Excellent reframing.

Pam:And when Michael makes me redo my reports... he's really just invested in quality control.

Andy:I've been really working on my craft, you know? I read this acting book that says you should use real emotions from your life to fuel your performance.

Oscar:That's actually a legitimate technique. It's called emotional memory.

Andy:Exactly! So I've been thinking about your divorce. Really tapping into that pain you went through.

Oscar:...You're using my divorce as your emotional fuel?

Andy:Yeah, and buddy, it's making me a better actor. Your suffering has a purpose now.

Andy:That's not cool, Oscar.

Oscar:You literally just did that.

Nellie:What? Oh my God, I completely forgot we were supposed to give out prize money. Yes, of course, let me just... I'll write those checks right now.

Nellie:Well, I live quite modestly. I have a small one-bedroom apartment with my cats.

Nellie:I have Mr. Whiskers, Princess Fluffybottom, Lord Meowington the Third, Duchess Pounce-a-lot, Sir Scratches-a-Plenty, Captain Fuzzyface, the Honorable Tabby McWhiskerston, Countess Mittens von Hairball, Prince Pounce the Destroyer, and Lady Whiskerella.

Nellie:So really, it's quite cozy.

Nellie:I could be a farmer-bagging tramp.

Dwight:Angela is not comfortable on the farm. Esther, on the other hand, loves it out here.

Erin:You know, when you grow up in an orphanage, you learn that sharing is caring. But you also learn that if someone takes the last bowl of cereal, you have to fight them. I once saw a girl get thrown down a flight of stairs for Frosted Flakes.

Andy:This is a clapperboard, or as I like to call it, a clicky-clacker.

Film crew:We need to film a safety video before we start.

Film crew:Just a casual reminder - keep your hair away from the equipment.

Film crew:We had an incident last month where someone's hair almost caught fire.

Kevin:Why would I make a paper airplane when I can just buy one?

Jim or Pam:Because... they cost money?

Kevin:Yeah, but so does paper. And I'd have to fold it, which takes time. Time is money.

Kevin:So really, I'm saving money by spending money.

Kevin:I can't choose between these paper airplanes. They're both so beautiful, even though neither one of them actually flies.

Kevin:You know, the Wright Brothers really changed the world with their flying machine.

Kevin:Yeah, Orville and Wilbur Wright. Without them, we wouldn't have airplanes.

Kevin:Although I gotta say, I prefer their popcorn. It's pretty good stuff.

Jim:Thanks, I appreciate that.

Jim:Though I should mention, the break room is literally right there.

Director:Why are you smiling like that?

Andy:It's a character choice. I'm playing him as someone who's just gotten great news about his prostate.

Andy:This is what I sound like when I'm doing a bad impression of someone.

Andy:See, it's funny because I'm clearly not nailing it, but I'm going to explain the reference anyway as if you all somehow missed the incredibly obvious thing I was going for.

Erin:Ha! In your face! You just got beaten by a girl! Oink oink! Yeah, that's right, I'm making pig sounds at you because you're a loser!

Erin:You think you're so smart with your fancy paper folding? Well guess what? OINK OINK OINK! I'm the paper airplane champion and there's nothing you can do about it!

Esther:I plucked chickens very quickly.

Dwight:That's not safe. You could get cross-contamination between food and bedding.

Esther:I know what I'm doing.

Andy:An eyewash station? What am I supposed to do, just rinse my eyes out like some kind of stunt?

Andy:I'll do nudity, but I draw the line at eyewash.

Andy:I need my agent! I need my agent NOW!

Security Agent:You're on the security camera blacklist now.

Andy:Blacklist? That's not a real thing, is it?

Security Agent:It is now. We're also taking away your parking spot and banning you from the break room.

Andy:I can't really do a British accent. I mean, I can try, but it's not going to be good.

Andy:So when we do this scene, I'm just going to be myself, but British. Which is basically just me talking slower and saying 'mate' a lot.

Erin:I was going to get the winner a gift card to Sandals Jamaica for like $500.

Erin:But now I'm thinking more like a gift card to Applebee's for $25.

Pam:My therapist gave me homework. I have to acknowledge my feelings every day.

Jim:That's great, Pam.

Pam:So I wrote it on the calendar. 'Pam's feelings time.'

Jim:Very official.

Pam:I'm taking it seriously. It's blocked off. Non-negotiable.

Oscar:I'm noticing a pattern where you're using therapeutic language to justify asking me for drugs.

Oscar:That's not healing, that's just manipulation with better vocabulary.

Creed:You know, I could help you lose that money. I know a guy.

Angela:I maintain my dignity at all times, no matter what circumstances I find myself in. A person of principle doesn't compromise their values simply because their living situation becomes... challenging.

Jim:Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Jim:I just thought that was beautiful.