Deangelo Vickers

Colorado? Yeah. Sunshine State. Yep. Don't mess with Colorado.

You know, it's funny. I actually tried to get an animal Olympics going. Really? What happened? You know, life happened.

What are you gonna miss most about Scranton? Oh. Wow. The mountains, where things are.

I'm at the bar, the bar that's located in the lobby of the hotel. I do not see you. How long have you... I've been here about, gosh, over half an hour. Okay, yeah, me, too.

I hear your voice in the phone. And that's... Man! And... Oh, brother. Michael Scott. Deangelo Vickers. Wow. That is insane.

I have heard that it is impossible to become addicted to vodka. That is true. That is true. Vodka is non-addictive. Most of the higher spirits are undetectable. It's because of the potato.

Are her breasts different? No panties on this one. And I think the sail was folded differently.

You know what would be a great Onion headline? 'Cancer prevents cancer.' That's so Onion. I know! It's so you, but it's also so Onion.

Well, this is it. What do you think? She'll do. Oh, she'll do just fine.

We should write a movie or something. I'm serious.

Do not talk to me until I have had my coffee. Until I've had my coffee, do not talk to me.

Coffee keeps me regular. That's the best time of the day. I give it about seven minutes. Seven minutes from this. Beeline. So at 8:37...

You may call them Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah. I call them heaven.

I have a peanut allergy, something I live with. It's a part of me. I've learned to cope with it.

That story makes you sound stupid. I happen to like the hilarious high jinks that I get myself into.

Office funny guy. Always glad to have an office funny guy around. I wasn't even trying to make a joke.

Try to keep my daily caloric intake under 1,200. Deangelo, you're going to starve to death.

Along the north rim of the Grand Canyon is a forest as lush as you've ever seen. Burned. It's lush, dummy.

Hey, Deangelo, what do you think about bald people? I hate them.

And we turn back, and she has spelled out the word 'Ass' in the blocks. So we're laughing, she's grinning... It was so funny. Kids are a riot. They really do say the darndest things.

Try it without using your name. Dunder Mifflin. This is. Oh, yeah, I like it.

Well, you know, whatever... Yeah. Whatever you think would work. What do you... Yeah. I think a change would be nice. You could do the old way or the, you know... Whichever one you want to do.

Come on, you maggot. Bye-bye, calories. Don't stop, now. No one's stopping me.

Don't hug me. No! Get away, get away.

Well, the water's pretty cold. A lot of octopuses out there. Well, I've been taught by the best octopus hunter in the biz.

No, not officially. I saw you coming out of the bathroom earlier. Well, I guess I'm gonna go back to my cave.

What do African Americans call the... What? I don't know. Help me.

I saw a hawk today. It was just sitting right there on the overpass, looking at me.

And this is Erin, and she's going to shave my face. Here we go. This is how we do it.

We sort of do more of like powwows and what-ups. God! Okay, well, powwows, then.

Enough about your baby, okay? I'm sorry. Well, we were just... I think she was just trying to... No, no, no, I know what you're doing. Just quit it.

Now that's funny. That's funny. You walk much?

I guess this is my life now.

Tapas is a cuisine for groups. Not with me. Tapas party of one.

Keep in mind, I was naked.

Guess how much weight I lost. Two hundred and two pounds? 203. I beat it by one. I beat it by one.

What recommendation? From when he recommended me to replace him. Um...

If you're gonna go whale watching on the East Coast, you might want to bring a magazine called West Coast Whales. Because you're not gonna see any.

I missed the O.J. verdict. Had to read about it in the paper like an idiot.

Why did you have to be so damn good? I... I'm adequate.

Get your senioritis on. It's Lake Havasu time.

I'm telling you, that baby could be the star of a show called Babies I Don't Care About.

Unless you count singing in the shower.

Where were you on September 11th?

When I was very young, my mother divorced my father and I had to go to court and choose between them. Too personal. I don't want to hear about that stuff.

The Dundies are all about coming together, and recognizing the indomitability of the human spirit!

I just don't understand the desire to push sweet potato fries on me. I just want regular fries.

Billy Crystal? Better. Neil Patrick Harris? He's in Little Shop of Horrors on Broadway.

I've fallen and I can't get up.

Fall asleep right after sex. Huh, guys?

I was in the bathroom, vomiting and vomiting in that men's room. That's why it has been shut down for most of the evening.

Hi, Tuna.

You guys are filming people when they go to the bathroom now?

What's wrong with cupcakes? Everything.

I used to be obese. Once you've conquered obesity, everything else is easy. Life literally moves in slow motion.

I'm not saying I'm Superman, but let me just put it this way, if I were shot in the head, I'm pretty sure everything would be fine. I almost welcome it.

Walk away, bitch.

Is there an animal shelter on the way? Yeah. Awesome! Ani-ani-shelto.

I've only got enough cash to buy a sandwich or get drunk.

Staged dog rescue scene for client presentation

I can say that he is no Michael Scott. I can't sit here and tell you that he's gonna be a success.

You ever play Russian roulette? Time to spin the chamber, Boris... By signing up for another year.

No! Uh-oh. No!

If you don't like 'em, this is called a door, you can walk right through it.

Full ride, deal with it. Seriously? Stone-cold seriously.

They are trying to figure me out, and I don't like it. Once they figure me out, they start to tell me what I want to hear.

Don't thank me. Hey, don't thank me, guy.

Here's a bowl of ice cream, you either like it or you don't. That's my attitude right now in this room, that's my attitude on 'Ice Cream Thursdays.'

That is a... An astute observation, Kevin. Kev's got me pegged.

It's just that I own the coffee shop. So once you've seen sausage being made, all you wanna do is make sausage 'cause it's so much fun.

No matter how many times I reach out to Dwight, he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. It reminds me of my relationship with my son. Except there, I'm the Dwight.

Or my other idea, 50,000 tiny clients.

That's Toys 'R' Us, I think. No, that's definitely a knockoff. You can feel the center of gravity is off.

You know, I have a cousin who cracked the secret formula for a certain popular cola that I shall not name. So I've never had to buy it. True story. I just drink my cousin's.

Yes! No! Yes! Yes! No! No! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes... Uh-oh.

This former administrative assistant misspelled 'administrative,' and 'assistant.'

Under special skills, Mr. Don Finer put juggling. What's wrong with juggling, Darryl? I'm a big juggler. I actually perform a motivational juggling routine.

What would you say this room is? 300 square feet? 320? Three-twenty, just free-balling it. It's a little cramped. How many square feet out there? Seventeen, eighteen hundo?

Sorry, I never touch another juggler's instruments.

Why don't I just do my routine without the juggling balls? Prepare to go into the danger zone.

Phyllis, where's Phyllis? Here. Do you believe in me, Phyllis? Yes. 'Cause I believe in you. Feel that connection?

Oh, like, nobody, it was... Pam? Was it Pam? Oh, my gosh. That sounds like Pam. You know how she gets. Kevin, she can get really bitchy.

Raise your hand if you have a vagina. Raise your hand if someone you love has a vagina.

Yeah. Yup. Wow. No corporate experience whatsoever. I didn't want anyone with any bad habits.

Total brain burp. I'm no MJ. Please. I can do his dunk from free-throw line, though.

Only because no one has called NASA to request a lift off.

Damn it, Dwight, enough! Get your ass downstairs, or find a new place to sell paper!

Deangelo falls and hits his head attempting the dunk, lying motionless on basketball court