Jo Bennett

My husband and I are divorced, but I kept the Mrs. just to piss off the new wife.

These sure are pretty dogs. They love a good crotch. / Yeah, they sure do. / You should take that as a compliment. / Oh, I do.

Do you always stay seated when a lady enters the room? / I am treating you the same as a man for whom I would also not stand, unless it was the president or Judge Judy.

Two guys doing one job? We gotta do something about that.

Each of you is doing half a job. / No. / And sometimes I can hardly handle that.

You can't give me gravy and tell me it's jelly 'cause gravy ain't sweet. Is it, Jim? / I don't think so. / Michael? / Forget the question.

I was Miss Mott's Applesauce of 1966, Miss Peach Cobbler of 1967, Miss Mott's Applesauce in 1968.

I was 26 years old, working at Kodak... I strode into the boardroom wearing nothing but a pair of spike heels, a lace push-up bra, and matching lace panties... and I said, 'Gentlemen, if this is all you see, then take a good look.'

As a male manager, I would have never done that to you. I--I am nothing if not not sexist. / That's setting the bar a little low, isn't it? / The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.

I mean, where is that? Near Mars? / No, we know. Texas.

I mean, I barely know my own Cadillac. And you know, sometimes I go in reverse when I wanna go forwards. I nearly killed a bunch of preschoolers.

I would sleep in my office, and I would sexually harass people. / Why would you do that? / I'm turning myself in right now.

And don't ride 'em. A lot of people try to ride 'em.

My dogs love peein' in that snow. Makes me think they're on to somethin'.

Have I been that naughty? / No, no, no. That is a good gift, actually. Uh, buildings here in scranton are literally powered by coal.

We don't get much coal down in tallahassee. I mean, just alligators and some of the worst chinese food you've ever tasted.

Oscar, homosexual accountant.

Darryl. Mellow, soulful, smart for warehouse.

Look at that picture that you drew. Nice job. We're very proud of you.

You know what, we are going to tape that up on the refrigerator in the kitchen.

How about July 4th weekend? / Oh, honey, you didn't buy a ticket. / I did.

Enough!

Well, if you can put your name on this day and be proud of the amount of work you've done, then by all means, you should toodle on home.

Or marryin' rich. And I did both.

Jo, I think that I know what happened. I'm not sure you do, teddy bear. Well, now I think I might not.

When Mama was working as a prison guard, and something went missing, she'd ask one question, 'What do we do when we find the guilty party?' And if they said, 'Come down on them with that swift hammer of justice,' innocent. A clear conscience don't need no mercy. But if they said, 'Officer Bessie, well, they may have had a reason.' Blah, blah, blah, blah... Well, nine times out of 10, that's the anus they checked.

This is just a mystery novel that I've been working on. I know what it is. I skimmed the first chapter. I'm just curious, why would a man who hates people want to have a relationship with a maid? I don't know... The way I look at it, there's only one of two reasons. He knows a secret about her that she doesn't know herself. Or he wants to use her services to mop up after a murder.

Basement office? You mean like a lair?

My favorite restaurant closed down. Oh. I hate that. And my new favorite restaurant sucks. I bought a video camera last year and I was looking at the tapes, and there were only, like, 12 minutes that I felt was worth taping. The whole year. And most of that was just birds in my condo complex.

When I was growing up, there was nothing better than being a big old business tycoon. And I thought I'd break that glass ceiling and be a hero to all those little girls out there. And they'd make a Barbie out of me. I hate that I sell cheap printers. I do. But if I have to go out there in front of the press and make one of them public apology recalls, I mean, that's all I'll ever be remembered for. Nobody will want to play with my Barbie.

I own a one-eighth share in a rental property down in Pittston. Well, I'm one-eighths proud of you.

Okay. Hey, you could transfer Holly back from Nashua. Let me see what I can do.

Lower yourself, Gabe. I don't wanna be having a conversation with your crotch.

You know why? 'Cause he's a screw-up. He can swim in my pool, but he can't come in my house.

Billy Crystal? Better. Neil Patrick Harris? He's in Little Shop of Horrors on Broadway.

Dwight Schrute. Yes, I would. DWIGHT: Thank you. Jordan, gather my things from my desk.

Just like a man, wants to jump right into it while I still got my socks on.

You've got to admit it, it's nice to have a little power, eh? How's it feel?

Beaumont Adams is a girl's gun. That just makes it plain stupid.

Stop asking yourself easy questions so you can look like a genius.