Andrew

She wasn't mocking Europeans. I would say the song was jesty.

Okay, slow down, Leon. Is your blood sugar off? Have a pastry or some herring, okay?

This isn't 'Meyer the Liar' again. Well, it is now.

How's Catherine? She's 21. That's great. Yeah, we're having her party tonight.

And stay out of Middle East politics. So two out of three ain't bad.

I'm amazed you can laugh about that. Yes, that's what I do. I'm laughing about it.

It's like waiting for a biopsy result.

She did own Brian Earl in negotiations by pretending to faint.

Well, my mom doesn't live in Rome, but she's still a fucking Catholic.

Oh, what do you want, a fucking cake? Look, I can be happy. See? There you go.

I think it's over. Sneezes always come in threes. Have you ever noticed that? Really? Is that so? Oh, well, that was a fourth. So maybe I need to tell you about how counting works, right?

Gary, deflower the room. There's a sentence I bet you thought you'd never hear.

I'm not good for another four hours.

Ugh, just because my last name rhymes with liar. How lucky am I that I'm not Selina Mapist or Selina Medophile?

Jesus. You know, if we don't get this done by midnight, we're all gonna turn into ugly sisters and get eaten by wolves or whatever the fuck happens at the end of that story.

Either way, just blur the fuck out of it.

I think he's nervous. His voice sounded clammy.

It's good that you'll have sex soon.

Version two-- Mary King steals peace pipe, breaks it in half, shits all over it.

I mean, he just fluffs ya, and then he fucks ya. Yeah. Well, speaking of... Oh, yeah, that's a perfect example.

Yeah, they had crazy intercourse.

Yeah, yeah. He's like a belly dancer with a hammer.

She's calling him Andy instead of Andrew. It's starting.

It's so weird. It's like a cat on a hot tin dog.

I'm gonna be the sexiest woman to ever exude fiscal prudence. And you know what? That's a very fucking tough look to pull off.

Um, fair warning, I party pretty hard. You should see me dance. I can't be controlled. I do a lot of pelvic thrusts. Just very localized dancing. Very small orbits.

I was like the Hunter S. Thompson of bar mitzvahs.

We-- we-- we-- we-- we met in... in Bumfuck, Idaho, I think it was. DC. Yes, yes. That's what I like to call DC as a joke.

Hey, buddy, don't worry that she didn't remember you, okay? It's only 'cause you're a nonentity.

I mean, don't you think that you and your friends would call this whole thing an epic succeed?

Remember that one time when you said you were way into 'Twilight' and I thought you meant the time of day? It really is the most dangerous time for traffic, though.

Mom, you've invited the House Majority Leader to my birthday party? Yeah, sweetheart, it's the 100 billion cutoff. You've heard about that? Of course I've heard about that.

Don't you think that you and your friends would call this whole thing an epic succeed?

Thank you, Rahim. You drink alcohol? Yes, ma'am. Oh, you Iranians are full of surprises.

Some gibberish. I can't understand him.

You plus 10'd yourself here? Number crunchers to help you finish the deal. Yeah. And one of them is a designated driver because I am going to get fucked up.

You look so good, you're like a work of art. You make this stuff look like shit. Compared to you, that Monet is a piece of shit.

Feeling up all the mermaids. They should cover up if they don't want it. If they don't want action, they shouldn't advertise.

What are you doing? Are you gonna propose? What would your answer be? My answer would be Jesus fucking Christ.

Well, technically, ma'am, he had the palm of your hand in his hand.

Gary, you just called me sweetie. Oh, my God! I'm sorry. That's what I call Dana. Did you ever call Dana ma'am? I did once and it was awful.

If I were drunk right now, would you kiss me? Yeah. No, Gary, I'm kidding. Right. Yeah.

Something sex my dick trick? Did you say dick? Sex your dick trick. I don't understand what you just said.

You know, you look great in an art gallery 'cause you kind of are a work of art. I mean, I know I'd like to nail you up against a wall. No, that was knowing. I was being knowing.

I cannot stand teenage girls. Were you ever one? Never. Me neither.

I wonder how much vodka we'd need to have to have a little Mrs. Robinson moment. That is extremely disrespectful. What are you talking about? That's like the highest compliment you can give somebody.

Yeah, antibiotics. Just keeping fresh. I'm not mentally ill if that's what you're implying.

And I think sometimes we need to just take time. Not long at all. I mean, maybe 10 minutes or-- okay, or maybe 15 is also good. I'm gonna suggest that we have a little constructive talking time.

So do you have any sort of chillaxing kind of music?

Monsters. It's like first Princess Diana, now this.

You know, as people say, if it rhymes, it chimes. Who says that? No one says that. I'm pretty sure I heard someone say that.

Yeah, tell me about it. And I'm swimming in it and I'm breathing it in through my snorkel.

Kind of like sitting next to my mother after Thanksgiving dinner.

This is not flirting. This is like as subtle as putting a nude photo on Facebook.

I heard whining and I assumed I needed to apologize.

Jonah, you're not even a man. You're like an early draft of a man where they just sketched out a giant mangled skeleton, but they didn't have time to add details like pigment or self-respect. You're Frankenstein's monster if his monster was made entirely of dead dicks.

Smile, you stupid asshole. Make it bigger. There you go.

You're a stupid fucking prick. Right? You say it. I'm not gonna say that.

Fuck POTUS. Right? And fuck Kent. They're just a bunch of fuckers.

Jesus fucking Christ. Here. Take that. Carrot cake's good. You want to try it? Nope. It's all yours. I can use my phone to cut it.