Testimony

I would never, ever let that happen. And if it had happened, which it absolutely did not, I would make sure that something was done about it.

Don't touch me.

Rain gonna fall, bar's gonna close, bill's gonna fail.

There's a job for you at Hallmark, Mr. Cafferty.

If I had kids, which actually I do,

this bill would be my baby. I and the entire White House, we sweated a full transfusion of blood to pass this bill.

Read my luscious lips, no.

You're not telling me the difference, you're just turning nouns into verbs.

I'm sorry that I misconducted myself and I will not do that in to the future.

Dan Egan is a solid five and a half, weak six.

I mean, you could have Googled that.

we set fire to the wicker Dan.

You make it sound like there's a correlation between what should happen and what actually happens.

be that individual an actual person or a corporation.

That shoehorned stab at nobility will not fly here.

I think it's interesting that you chose me to aim that question at, insinuating that I am a money-grabbing, careerist, low-moraled... I don't know why I'm helping you here.

So it's not a word combining Jonah and gonad?

J-Rock, Jizzy Gillespie, Jack and the Giant Jackoff, Gaylien, Tinker Balls, Wadzilla, One Erection...

The Pointless Giant, The 60-Foot Virgin, Gimpanzee, Jonah Ono, Hagrid's Nutsack, Scrotum Pole, Transgenderformers, 12 Years a Slave to Jerking Off, Benedict Come In His Own Hand, Guyscraper, The Cloud Botherer, Supercalifragilisticexpiali Dick Cheese, Teenage Mutant Ninja Asshole, Spewbacca.

My college friends called me Tall McCartney. I preferred that. That's a good nickname.

The drama queen in me likes to say that they sacrificed me at Easter.

No, I value confidentiality and paradoxically I don't care who knows it.

They thought I was a mouse. Well, this mouse will roar.

Rat and roll. Deal?

Your judgment, ma'am, is unimpeachable.

she was so junior, she may have well been working in the kitchens, with all due respect to the kitchens.

what Jimmy Cagney would have called a good kid in my opinion.

This is what I was afraid of. I'm being snowballed. I'm a victim of snowballing.

a name gets mentioned, then gets mentioned again, and pretty soon everyone is mentioning it and then the whole thing snowballs and then there's an avalanche of snowballs and I'm being buried by other people's snow and it's not pure driven, it's not white snow, if you catch my drift.

No, that was scapegoating. Again, apologies. You haven't asked me a question.

It's not my fault. That's the difference.

Oh, that's... bravo, Bill. Subtly done.

Like a swan or Professor Hawking.

You haven't seen it, so forget it.

He's the bagman, yeah, but he's also the bad man.

it was a smaller hearing and executive privileges were waived and now it's like a U2 concert.

That's a fault of mine... Just kind of believing that people were friends and they're not friends. It's kind of been going on since middle school and you just caught me at a bad time.

Uh, it's very intimate. I've always imagined myself as like a pipeline who carries a lot of necessary information and I just feed it directly into her head.

Yes, and I have just then.

I'm a nobody. That's the truth. I'm a nobody.

I'm not a powerful, guilty, arrogant man. I'm an arrogant man.

Um, Gary has a very limited set of skills. Mainly I would say they are picking objects up and then putting objects back down.

I don't see that you're wearing a ring, so...

I'm sorry about that. I just had to get a snack. My blood sugar was dropping, so...

I have to go. I've got to call the president of Africa. So... I mean South Africa specifically, you know, so...

And, unlike in reality, I would have gotten Iwo Jima right.

I mean, I once met Bill Gates, but I didn't have a 'meeting' with him.

None of which you seem to be able to master at the present moment.

Uh, I was getting some medicine. What kind of medicine? Um, it's knee medicine.

Crouch Cream. But that's not right. It's a white tube with a red label. I'm sure an intern could research this. It has a silhouette of a horse on it. I don't know why the horse is on there. I guess horses probably have good knees.

Knee-Z. Knee-Z Cream. I don't think that's it. It's searchable. I'm very positive.

Um, I had grown quite fond of dear Jason.

This may be a good day for truth, but a sad day for love.

you want to give me your number? Or I'll just send it to myself.

I guess that's why they say don't work with animals or technology. I mean, that's why 'Jaws' was such a nightmare shoot. I mean, mechanical shark, forget it.

Oh, Knee Free. That's the cream. Knee Free, if you...

Probably about them... you know, mating.

I mean, why are you throwing pebbles at a tank?

You know, that lady, she could govern herself through leprosy.

I don't have time for friends.

I was touched. Who touched you? I would rather not say at this time. Or any.

he touched me in a private place.

It was... it was around the other side.

Similarly with Ms. Brookheimer's dress. She can't have believed that this would work. She never looks this humble.

Like an Xbox.

Mr. Ryan, trust me, no one is playing us. We are unplayable.

My... spheres were always clothed.

I can't stop thinking about it. It's... you know, it's like a bell. It can't be unrung.

It was around the spheres.

Gary Walsh, you need to understand, is a 12-year-old boy trapped in the body of a 12-year-old girl.

Do you want me to take off my shirt so that you can see all the knife handles sticking out of my back?

It's like I'm on the sacrificial altar and suddenly everyone is wearing hoods.

But Jonah Ryan is strong. And if Jonah Ryan can help one man who is dealing with workplace sexual harassment, then this entire ordeal will have been worth it.

You know, there are probably fairer trials happening right now in the back of parking lots where the defendant is wearing a mailbag on his head.

Sorry, I was practicing in the mirror.