While Selina fields questions from the press, members of her staff testify before a congressional committee about whether the Families First vote was intentionally sabotaged – and who was really behind the data breach.
Veep's testimony episode lands 75 jokes in 34 minutes—2.23 per minute sustains the season's comedic momentum.
Directed by Armando Iannucci · Written by Will Smith, Sean Gray
WAR
92.6
Wins Above Replacement
“Testimony” ranks #7 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 86.0 — Elite. The episode packs 75 scored jokes at 2.2 per minute, averaging 7.3 on craft and 7.1 on impact, with Jonah landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Gary Walsh, you need to understand, is a 12-year-old boy trapped in the body of a 12-year-old girl.
Pierce Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch The Pointless Giant, The 60-Foot Virgin, Gimpanzee, Jonah Ono, Hagrid's Nutsack, Scrotum Pole, Transgenderformers, 12 Years a Slave to Jerking Off, Benedict Come In His Own Hand, Guyscraper, The Cloud Botherer, Supercalifragilisticexpiali Dick Cheese, Teenage Mutant Ninja Asshole, Spewbacca.
Um, Gary has a very limited set of skills. Mainly I would say they are picking objects up and then putting objects back down.
Selina Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch My college friends called me Tall McCartney. I preferred that. That's a good nickname.
Jonah Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Crouch Cream. But that's not right. It's a white tube with a red label. I'm sure an intern could research this. It has a silhouette of a horse on it. I don't know why the horse is on there. I guess horses probably have good knees.
Mike Character Comedy Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 75 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ I would never, ever let that happen. And if it had happened, which it absolutely did not, I would make sure that something was done about it.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Don't touch me.
Selina Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Rain gonna fall, bar's gonna close, bill's gonna fail.
Cafferty Observational Deadpan/Understatement There's a job for you at Hallmark, Mr. Cafferty.
If I had kids, which actually I do,
this bill would be my baby. I and the entire White House, we sweated a full transfusion of blood to pass this bill.
Read my luscious lips, no.
Cafferty Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch You're not telling me the difference, you're just turning nouns into verbs.
I'm sorry that I misconducted myself and I will not do that in to the future.
Jonah Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Dan Egan is a solid five and a half, weak six.
Jonah Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement I mean, you could have Googled that.
Jonah Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort we set fire to the wicker Dan.
Jonah Wordplay/Pun Absurdist You make it sound like there's a correlation between what should happen and what actually happens.
Jonah Observational Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch be that individual an actual person or a corporation.
Amy Observational Dark/Subversive That shoehorned stab at nobility will not fly here.
I think it's interesting that you chose me to aim that question at, insinuating that I am a money-grabbing, careerist, low-moraled... I don't know why I'm helping you here.
Amy Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch So it's not a word combining Jonah and gonad?
J-Rock, Jizzy Gillespie, Jack and the Giant Jackoff, Gaylien, Tinker Balls, Wadzilla, One Erection...
The Pointless Giant, The 60-Foot Virgin, Gimpanzee, Jonah Ono, Hagrid's Nutsack, Scrotum Pole, Transgenderformers, 12 Years a Slave to Jerking Off, Benedict Come In His Own Hand, Guyscraper, The Cloud Botherer, Supercalifragilisticexpiali Dick Cheese, Teenage Mutant Ninja Asshole, Spewbacca.
My college friends called me Tall McCartney. I preferred that. That's a good nickname.
Jonah Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch The drama queen in me likes to say that they sacrificed me at Easter.
Lee Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm No, I value confidentiality and paradoxically I don't care who knows it.
Lee Irony/Sarcasm Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch They thought I was a mouse. Well, this mouse will roar.
Lee Character Comedy Escalation Rat and roll. Deal?
Dan Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Your judgment, ma'am, is unimpeachable.
Lee Irony/Sarcasm Cringe/Discomfort she was so junior, she may have well been working in the kitchens, with all due respect to the kitchens.
Bill Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm what Jimmy Cagney would have called a good kid in my opinion.
Bill Character Comedy Absurdist This is what I was afraid of. I'm being snowballed. I'm a victim of snowballing.
Bill Character Comedy Escalation a name gets mentioned, then gets mentioned again, and pretty soon everyone is mentioning it and then the whole thing snowballs and then there's an avalanche of snowballs and I'm being buried by other people's snow and it's not pure driven, it's not white snow, if you catch my drift.
Bill Escalation Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch No, that was scapegoating. Again, apologies. You haven't asked me a question.
Bill Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort It's not my fault. That's the difference.
Bill Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Oh, that's... bravo, Bill. Subtly done.
Kent Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Like a swan or Professor Hawking.
Kent Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch You haven't seen it, so forget it.
Kent Character Comedy Awkward Silence He's the bagman, yeah, but he's also the bad man.
Kent Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy it was a smaller hearing and executive privileges were waived and now it's like a U2 concert.
Gary Character Comedy Observational That's a fault of mine... Just kind of believing that people were friends and they're not friends. It's kind of been going on since middle school and you just caught me at a bad time.
Gary Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Uh, it's very intimate. I've always imagined myself as like a pipeline who carries a lot of necessary information and I just feed it directly into her head.
Gary Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Yes, and I have just then.
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement I'm a nobody. That's the truth. I'm a nobody.
Gary Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort I'm not a powerful, guilty, arrogant man. I'm an arrogant man.
Gary Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Um, Gary has a very limited set of skills. Mainly I would say they are picking objects up and then putting objects back down.
Selina Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch I don't see that you're wearing a ring, so...
I'm sorry about that. I just had to get a snack. My blood sugar was dropping, so...
Selina Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort I have to go. I've got to call the president of Africa. So... I mean South Africa specifically, you know, so...
Selina Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort And, unlike in reality, I would have gotten Iwo Jima right.
Sue Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch I mean, I once met Bill Gates, but I didn't have a 'meeting' with him.
Sue Character Comedy Observational None of which you seem to be able to master at the present moment.
Uh, I was getting some medicine. What kind of medicine? Um, it's knee medicine.
Mike Character Comedy Escalation Crouch Cream. But that's not right. It's a white tube with a red label. I'm sure an intern could research this. It has a silhouette of a horse on it. I don't know why the horse is on there. I guess horses probably have good knees.
Mike Character Comedy Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Knee-Z. Knee-Z Cream. I don't think that's it. It's searchable. I'm very positive.
Mike Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Um, I had grown quite fond of dear Jason.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm This may be a good day for truth, but a sad day for love.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm you want to give me your number? Or I'll just send it to myself.
Mike Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort I guess that's why they say don't work with animals or technology. I mean, that's why 'Jaws' was such a nightmare shoot. I mean, mechanical shark, forget it.
Mike Character Comedy Absurdist Oh, Knee Free. That's the cream. Knee Free, if you...
Mike Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Probably about them... you know, mating.
Mike Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort I mean, why are you throwing pebbles at a tank?
Mike Character Comedy Absurdist You know, that lady, she could govern herself through leprosy.
Mike Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch I don't have time for friends.
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement I was touched. Who touched you? I would rather not say at this time. Or any.
he touched me in a private place.
Jonah Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort It was... it was around the other side.
Jonah Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Similarly with Ms. Brookheimer's dress. She can't have believed that this would work. She never looks this humble.
Jonah Character Comedy Observational Like an Xbox.
Jonah Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Mr. Ryan, trust me, no one is playing us. We are unplayable.
My... spheres were always clothed.
Jonah Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch I can't stop thinking about it. It's... you know, it's like a bell. It can't be unrung.
Dan Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort It was around the spheres.
Dan Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Gary Walsh, you need to understand, is a 12-year-old boy trapped in the body of a 12-year-old girl.
Pierce Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Do you want me to take off my shirt so that you can see all the knife handles sticking out of my back?
Bill Character Comedy Absurdist It's like I'm on the sacrificial altar and suddenly everyone is wearing hoods.
Bill Character Comedy Absurdist But Jonah Ryan is strong. And if Jonah Ryan can help one man who is dealing with workplace sexual harassment, then this entire ordeal will have been worth it.
Jonah Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm You know, there are probably fairer trials happening right now in the back of parking lots where the defendant is wearing a mailbag on his head.
Bill Character Comedy Absurdist Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Sorry, I was practicing in the mirror.
Bill Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort