Corporate Crush

Your face... it's like you're happy or something.

'Cause of that dude you're donking. Floyd.

I thought it was moving... my bowels.

Reverse, Reverse, Skip, Skip, Draw Four!

So, if you ever need someone to come over and videotape you guys doing it or whatever, I can make room in my schedule.

No judgments.

Look at those eyes... sharp like a panther's.

I got a welt on my ass the size of a Red Delicious apple.

As my old man always said, 'If you try, you win.' And he was a hell of a garbageman.

But I'm taking the Microwave Division away from you.

His wife looks just like Walter Matthau, but she's always there for him.

What's that film where he turned into a dog? Uh, 'Fat Bitch,' sir.

I call it 'Jefferson.' A movie version of 'The Jeffersons'? I love it. No, Thomas Jefferson.

You want to play Thomas Jefferson? And Sally Hemings and King George. I'm gonna play all the parts.

What's up, stupid jerks? I'm Thomas Jefferson.

I'm gonna get us one of those big clocks, and I'm gonna hang it in there.

Aw, you got a face like a baby's bottom. Poop!

It makes me feel unsafe, like when my mom used to make daiquiris and sing Tanya Tucker songs.

Jack goes to Sbarro when he's angry, the New York Stock Exchange when he's horny, and Christie's auction house when he's depressed.

To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you, but... here we are.

I took the money from the sale of those pieces, and I bought a sailboat. And I named it after my ex-wife, and I sank it.

It's true... the Bianca Blows is somewhere at the bottom of the Peconic Bay.

I wish I were a horse... strong, free... my chestnut haunches glistening in the sun.

I'm not a creative type like you with your work sneakers and your left-handedness.

His name is Floyd. That's unfortunate.

Let's say Priscille, 9:00... be sure to wear a tie.

Well, that doesn't even make sense. Everyone knows Fat Bitch died at the end.

Well, remember when Fat Bitch called all her dog friends together, and they used their high-pitched howling to mess...

I'm never gonna finish this bikini before Nana's birthday.

Liz Lemon, you are my Alexander Hamilton.

'Jack Attack: The Art of Aggression in Business.' Oh, no.

He got here before us. You're not supposed to let that happen. That's chapter two in the book.

The only other 'Floyd' I ever knew was this Korean barber who used to cut my hair down in the 50th Street subway station. That's my dad. I'm Floyd Jr. I'm just kidding.

The dedicated popcorn setting on your microwave was the imagination breakthrough of 1995.

And on a personal note, sir, in my mind, the Foo Fighters' song 'Best of You' is about your managerial skills.

Lemon, I want to kiss your boyfriend on the mouth.

Could you go away for a while? I got to get rid of Freddie's erection.

Freddie is playing the part of Thomas Jefferson's horse, Caractacus.

This movie is my destiny. It's the reason why God put me on this Earth.

Oh, sorry. I don't shake hands. I have avian bone syndrome. Hollow bones.

They look just like the one crapping in my office.

Pray, who be this Tracy Jordan thou speakest of? Speakest.

Well, stand guard by his rump and await it in his droppings.

Aha, I like you, young man. You shall run my university.

Or perhaps it's eating universal healthcare.

It's kind of like you two are dating.

Unh. It's got pockets. Are you into that? Ooh, what's this? A used Kleenex.

'Cause this VapoRub isn't gonna get under my nose by itself.

I always sign it 'Floydster.'

The call is coming from inside the house.

He seems very taken with Floyd. And you, of course.

Well, Tracy... that was terrible. The answer is 'no.'

Well, Tracy... that was terrible. The answer is 'no.'

I don't give a damn about the masks. I'm on all fours trying to shove the corks back in the bottles.

Floyd is me 20 years ago. I'm Don Geiss 30 years ago. 20 years from now, Floyd will be me, I'm gonna be Don Geiss, and Don Geiss will be dead.

Look at your life, Jack. It's... It's like this skybox. It's fancy and it's empty and it smells like crab cakes.

ß I'm gonna get an iPhone ß ß Everybody's gonna be jealous ß

I mean, who eats 16 flautas after midnight?

Oh, God, I hope we're talking about the same thing.

Well, I don't think Phoebe would appreciate being referred to as a Floydster.

Um, Phoebe, I want you to be my wife. Wait. What? Will you marry me? No.

Ow. I'm sorry. It's okay. Ow. Careful, my bones.