Gavin Volure

I'm in connecticut, i haven't eaten, and i'm stressed about an "away toilet" situation.

Is this potpourri or chips? 'Cause i'm gonna try to eat it.

Of course,that was back when Jet was actually about jet ownership. That magazine took a weird turn.

These are not chips.

Because of my severe agoraphobia and my debilitating wealth...

The world of fashion, society, art collecting and yelling...

Why isn't there any good art in here? Come on!

Funny story,i was only wearing that because the fire alarm went off while i was getting a haircut.

I keep one chair empty, to represent our unfulfilled hopes and dreams. I'm just kidding, eliot spitzer's hooker couldn't make it.

McEnroe, give me a break. I'm on it. 77th and amsterdam, 68th and columbus, 125th and president clinton boulevard

Also,don't over think it, sara lee,frozen, unbelievable.

You know my two sons, tracy,jr. And george foreman?

This is voodoo,ken! Those two are up to something.

I know i was a handful when my family moved from our farm house to that militia camp in the woods.

the life-sized tracy jordan sex doll. They're selling like hotcakes in japan.

I thought that was just a tagline for my movie,death bank.

It's like picasso not painting, or bruce willis not combing action and rock harmonica.

Here's the pitch, wind power, bandwidth,chinese market. Oh,god.

And i was pulled onstage once to dance at a bruce springsteen concert.

you can run for political office Without having to pretend to be a fundamentalist.

I wonder if carl here might say good night to you for me? Carl? Good night,liz. I hope to see you again soon.

Terrorist attacks, cloverfieldmonsters. I can't do it,because my head is too big for the helmet.

It is. Wow,you have,like, dog ears.

Listen,i only took that napkin because i wrapped some chicken in it.

Well... This must be what the kids call "a booty call." I haven't been out of the house since 2004, and even i know the kids don't call it that anymore.

I'll send a helicopter to take you to the train station.

What the what?

My kids are going to kill me!

After years of inbreeding, the pigs are getting violent. And the pig shield around the house has worn thin.

Well,that would be great if pigs weren't excellent swimmers.

He asked if we were involved, i said you used to have a thing for me, but you were getting over it. That is what's happening,right?

I just wish i could start a relationship about 12 years in, When you really don't have to try anymore and you can just sit around together and goof on tv shows, And then go to bed without anybody trying any funny business.

If i were dating a man, he would be the top of my list with michael jordan, denzel washington,taye diggs... God,do i have a black thing?

you're going to work this thing like a chinese gymnast. Wear something tight, force a smile, and lie about your age.

Don't menendez me.

one of these benches is a priceless work of art, And the other is an ordinary bench from which to admire it. Which one's which?

I'd be lying if i told you i never danced with a broom.

sometimes, to feel like i have company during dinner, I dispute credit card charges on speaker phone.

We can never leave the house, and we'd just probably sit around all weekend and watch tv. Go on.

we could never be physically intimate. I know. What woman would want all that?

I did some street performing in my neighborhood this weekend.

I'm just kidding. The middle class is dying, you'll be renting forever.

you'd have been better off putting that money in a coffee can.

Yeah. They can't seem to get anything right up there, can they?

I'm not really an eccentric agoraphobe, I just tell people that so they won't know i'm under house arrest for tax fraud. And arson.

I miscounted the men,liz! I miscounted the men!

What is racketeering? No one knows,lemon.

I thought i was helping him when i let him hold my boob while we watched top chef.

I'm going to hit gavin volure harder than a bottle of whiskey in an irish wake.

That's not me. That's the tracy jordan japanese sex doll. You can tell us apart because it's not suffering from a vitamin deficiency.

To use as a decoy. So my greedy children will murder it, and i'll be able to escape un-mendezed.

Both families are rich, both families have two sons, and both families are staples of court tv.

INNOVATION TOMORROW AMERICA SUNSTREAM You can't be broke, what about this house?

Hey,glenn, that's my peanut butter. Creamy? This is-- this is not my peanut-- i'm sorry,glenn.

Damn it. I have got a serious case of the mondays.

God,these acoustics in here are fantastic. Tomorrow,tomorrow i love you tomorrow it's only a day

Well,what would this country be if our economy didn't allow wealthy people to take advantage of rubes?

We parcells have eaten our share of rock soup and squirrel tail. But we've also known lean times.

Doesn't that responsibility come with a $4,000 signing bonus? Uh... Yes?

I dreamed that you would get so rich that you would leave us and get a new family. And never come back. And daddy... I don't want you to leave us. 'Cause i love you.

Stop it. Stop patriciding!

If anything ever happens to me, you and your brother are going to go to jail.

Also everything worked out with jenna's dad visiting. What? Oh,you weren't really around for any of that.

Cheap cholesterol medicine from canada. A paris hilton film released only in canada. Camp of approval? What does that even mean?

Toronto was just like new york, but without all the stuff.

taking advantage of her loneliness and her big ben-sized biological clock.

I can't believe i'm saying this to the great gavin volure, but liz lemon is too good for you.

I swear i will paint you. I am not going to real prison.

That paint is drying weird, and now prison?

Good god,volure, that's got to be 15, 16 feet!

Does anyone need water or saltines? I would feel safer with some saltines.

you'll probably be killed in the first six months of prison. but that's neither here nor there,

what? But you're down there. Or am i?

You know, a lot of people look down on sex dolls. But as we saw tonight,they save lives and bring families together.

How am i such an expert? I'm tracy jordan's sex doll.