Marta Complex

Anniversary? You asked me to throw a Valentine's Day party.

I deceived you, Mom. Tricked makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.

Yeah. Well, if I show up with all that stuff... I could probably just get away with shorts and a T-shirt, right?

Which is good 'cause I don't even have a tuxedo.

There was somebody for a while, but it was too much of a brother... bother.

That can't feel good.

Well, if you call not filing for divorce 'something right.'

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! There's still plenty of meat on that bone. You take this home, throw it in a pot. Add some broth, a potato... Baby, you got a stew goin'.

Never once touched my per diem. I go to craft service, get some raw veggies, bacon, cup of soup... [Chuckles] Baby, I had a stew goin'.

I think I'd like my money back.

Just give me a sign. [Chuckles] First one's obvious. Okay.

'Maybe tonight.' [Chuckling] What are the chances? [Narrator] Actually, 'Maybe Tonight' was a very popular candy slogan... and the chances were one in eight.

Just tryin' to throw stuff at my dad's head... But the wind keeps taking it.

Mother, you know I have class on Tuesday. Oh, how silly of me.

Oh, well, I never say no to dinner, with a beautiful lady that is. Do you like ham? No. I love it.

Good grief. He sent us one of his idiot videotapes.

You have got to learn to be alone. I cheated and I lied. And I whored around.

This was supposed to be my anniversary toast. Yeah. And this was supposed to be my Valentine's Day party.

[Lupe] You want balloons? Speech, speech, speech...

[Narrator] The family continued to chant, 'Speech, speech, speech'... for no one in particular.

After all that, I was kinda hoping somebody would make a speech. Speech, speech, speech...

[Chuckling] Don't forget my girlfriend. That's who I meant.

I almost said George Michael and Maeby. [Chuckles]

I love you all, Marta.

I made a huge mistake.

The man's psychologically incapable of taking all of his clothes off.

[Narrator] In fact, Tobias was a never-nude. As of yet, the D.S.M. - IV has not acknowledged the affliction.

On the other hand, I am doing it anyway... so let me suggest before you talk divorce, at least consider a separation.

I was gonna take her with me in the night. She's part of the bolt.

Yeah. I never want to look at Mom again.

Do you know she tried to set up my girlfriend with a man?

I'm a man, Mike! I'm a man. Can I throw out this yogurt?

Secondly, you don't want to take any chances with yogurt, Mom. Just let her throw it out.

Wouldn't let me make love to her on Mom's bed. I don't even want to tell you what she wouldn't let me do to her in the car.

She kept using this guy's name, like, 'Hermano.'

Let me tell you something. We're gonna track this 'Hermano' down, and we're gonna nail him. 'Cause if anyone's gonna go out with that girl, it's gonna be one of us.

That's just the point. I mean, we're cousins. Gender has nothing to do with it. I mean, cousins can bunk together. That's why they call it 'bunkin' cousins.'

'Kissin' cousins.' We're not kissing! That's the point!

I'm gonna sleep with my daughter, and you're gonna sleep with my husband.

No, Mother! I can blow myself.

I thought you had class. My brother-in-law fires you... And you move in on my girlfriend?

This is purely a social call. You know, just two adults gettin' a stew on, man.

I don't know what that means, but it sounds disgusting.

You're replacing my mother.

¿Mi hermano? Ahí. There, in the green? Great, thanks. Gracias.

I've been dating an old lady.

She's at the house. She's at the house! You're right. Right about what? She's there, what's going on? Who's with you? If it's Marta, say 'nobody.' Nobody. Well, now I don't know what's going on.

Maybe because you've only had sex four times. Four women! Not four times!

The competition frightened Tobias, which he felt he could use in his performance. Unfortunately this made him more confident... which frightened him again.

Can I let you in on a little secret? Hmm? Having him in the next room makes me miss him all the more.

Mom, please. He's got a big-boy crush on Action Jackson.

No! We may have to bolt.

What? Is she not really related to me? Is she just some girl I know?

You could have been sleeping with 'Frightened Inmate #2.'

[Narrator] And that's when Lucille realized... That she just might like being alone after all.

I'll give you what you want... if you give me what I want. Tell me everything you know about...'Hermano.'

Sí, mi hermano. He's here? Shh. He's sleeping.

What does 'te amo' mean? I love you. Hmm. And who's in there? Mi hermano. Brother.

What does 'te amo' mean? I love you. Hmm. And who's in there? Mi hermano. Brother. I've made a huge mistake.

So, you wanna go to the movies? Ow! I'll let you know when I get back from the lab.

There's a shower scene? I have to be nude. Well, you don't shower with your clothes on, now, do ya?

Yo te quiero mucho. Yo te quiero mucho. Te amo, Marta. Te amo.