My Mother, The Car

I enjoy bicentennials as much as the next guy, Mom, but we're not doing that.

Buster had been avoiding Lucille Austero since he accidentally flirted with her while not wearing his glasses. And then accidentally bid on her at a charity bachelorette auction. And then accidentally entered her apartment, thinking it was his mother's.

Ten thousand dollars! Buster.

Oh, here comes the 10:15 conniption, right on time.

I have no idea where you get that from. Get away from that stove. You're going to light your hair on fire.

Protein bars for your father. He's pumping up in prison.

You're my third least-favorite child. I can live with that.

Michael came home to find his mother's fourth least-favorite child.

Well, they got the Asian right. 'Hotties' might be a stretch.

Well, let's start with the little one.

I know, Michael. That's why this is the perfect opportunity to throw her a surprise party. She'd never suspect it.

Michael, do you have any idea what would happen if I were to visit prison? It would be pandemonium.

Yeah, I got some of that... except he also didn't like my looks.

Come on. That would never happen.

Lindsay was not exaggerating. Lucille had recently been featured on Fox's World's Worst Drivers.

She didn't. I dummied her up a new one. Not my best work though. She wanted to look 48. I nearly airbrushed her into oblivion. We ended up checking 'Albino' on the form.

For Gangy? Yeah, how did you know? She called and invited us.

Come on. This is a Bluth family celebration. It's no place for children.

But didn't get the reception she was expecting.

High-fastening pants.

Lindsay was surprised once again that no heads were turned.

It was a love between two cousins that the world thought was wrong. But it was the world that was wrong.

It's better than sitting here with Buster's stupid rock behind me.

Buster had recently brought the rock home from an archeological dig, but had yet to find a way to get it out of the car.

You strike one more person, and it's technically a spree.

And she was surprised that her family didn't show up.

So this is what my children think of me.

In fact, Buster was worried about running into Lucille 2. So he never left his mother's apartment. Lucille 2 was also supposed to go, but was waiting until she saw Buster emerge.

Well, it was kind of funny.

I've been a horrible mother.

Um, is it okay if I do it for Mom and not you?

I've already got a Lucille in my life.

Yes. I'm foolish and I'm funny and I'm needy. Am I needy? Are you sure I'm not needy? 'Cause I feel needy sometimes.

You and I. Is it 'I' or is it 'me'?

Buster, it's us. Yes. It is us. Us.

I hate to tell you, Mom, but they don't support me either.

I let you drive, didn't I?

It's an idiot on a scooter at night? It's gotta be Gob.

I was thrown clear.

Your mother asked me to pump you full of... Children's aspirin.

I hardly felt it. In fact, actually, uh, I didn't feel it.

It was a wild, wild ride.

Totally cool. Didn't feel a thing. You know, Mom, I'm crazy about this aspirin. I can't believe we give it to children.

Oh, and, uh, preferably French. I like the way they think.

She's an Olympian... hopeful. Swimming and some coaching. Yes, I will make the I.D.'s for you.

That's when Gob decided to take the yacht to South America for the summer.

I just jumped through a plate glass window on a date.

Oh. Well, women love to laugh.

Gob was just teaching me how to hit it with a hammer.

It is obvious I'm not wearing a bra, right?

Your mother snuck 'em in here stuffed in energy bar wrappers to keep me from getting strangled in the shower or worse.

But you keep coming back here, honey, and I'm going broke.

That's all I ever wanted from you, Daddy. For you to spend money on me.

But 'skiff' is appropriate, right?

Which was behind the passenger seat. Which means that she picked you up and dragged you over to the driver's seat.

Mom can't pick me up. She could barely pick up that bag of protein bars.

Guess what? They weren't protein bars. They were gold Krugerrands. And Dad finally paid attention to my intellect.

because we're brothers, Mom, and we kind of like each other.

I'm a horrible mother.

That's crazy talk. You're a fantastic mother.

You know what? I knew society would never accept this. And they never will.

I was definitely driving that time.

I was definitely driving that time.