Sword Of Destiny

[Narrator] Well, that part wasn't true. But they would've.

I need you to hire him. [phone cuts to dial tone] Hi. I'm sor- Look, it isn't my idea, it's his.

Tobias singing in falsetto as Mrs. Featherbottom

No. She's the only one who can hand wash my delicates. Yeah, the real Tobias wouldn't do that.

Booyah!

Wow. Gobias Industries. [Hard 'G'] Gobias. Right. I remember, yeah. As in 'Go buy us a cup of-'

I have rabies, Michael. You know that. Today was day four of my shots.

Ted. Did Ted make an appointment? No, I just work down the hall and- [Tobias] No. Well, then, Ted can get the hell out of this office! You get the hell out!

Although, if I may, let me take off my assistant skirt and put on my Barbra Streisand in The Prince of Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit.

Ancient Chinese Secret, huh? [Both] Ancient Chinese Secret, huh?

Yeah, I need a tea to give my dingle less tingle. Me quick, want slow. Wait, that's Indian. Tea for dong.

Sweet blade. It's the Sword of Destiny. It's full of ancient magic. Oh, yeah? You into magic?

Still, where'd the lighter fluid come from?

Looks like you're looking for dragons, in the future.

Bleeding? Nope. Yeah, that's blood.

Michael, if I make this comeback... I'll buy you 100 George Michaels you can teach to drive!

You're losing blood, aren't you? Probably. My socks are wet. Sorry. You'll be sorry! Wait, that doesn't work after his line.

[Narrator] Actually, Maeby had received a company car from the movie studio where she was secretly posing as an executive.

What's the deal with the turban? Huh? [Chuckles] Pretty smart, huh? And-And it's warm too.

When do you start being my mole at my company? Actually, Michael turned me down for the job. What? Something to do with their housing order being cut back.

Oh, my God, that's a horrible sign- Ow! Damn it!

We're gonna cover the hydraulic flaps and the riser system after I tell you the basics about how to avoid a hop-on.

Let's go over the route to the hospital. Ow!

My baby is sick, but Mother is here to nurse you. Well, now I'm a little sicker.

I'm peeing. Am I peeing?

It may have taken the tingle out of your genitals.

You're lucky. He's the best. Well, only in the county. But I'm certainly good enough to take out that appendix of yours.

Hopefully not too slow, because it's already dangerously slow as it is. [Dr. Stein Chuckles]

Hook! Forgot about that thing, Elephant Man. Gonna have to figure out something to do so that people can look at you without wanting to kill themselves.

which many claimed suffered due to its pop-up ads.

Booyah!

Tony Wonder appearing from bread loaf and screaming

I folded it up into some squares, and I put it in a pouch under my shirt... and then I pull it out, and I make it look like it came out of my skin.

I folded it up into some squares, and I put it in a pouch under my shirt and then I pull it out, and I make it look like it came out of my skin.

I started out as a little 'W.' Somehow I became a big one. I don't even know how it happened.

Enjoy the Hanukkah cookie, man.

My name is Dr. Tobias Fünke and I'll be filling in for Michael, who is not sick. In fact, just today I saw a sliver of his buttocks and they're as fresh and firm as a Georgia peach, so not to worry.

Now, put your foot on the brake. There's a light in a half mile. [Brakes Grinding]

In this magic trick, I'm going to put a sword... through my assistant's tummy.

It's a real sword, master.

It's a real sword, master. Oh-ho!

My brother's widow. It's- [Bleeps] up.

The 'How'd he do dats?' ate it up. Sorry. That's what we call the audience.

Oh, it still needs three stamps.

He was doing really well. Had his first hop-on.

She's still trying to get the stairs unwedged from the emergency room overhang.

But once I got in there, the appendix wasn't so inflamed. D'oh.

I want to show these interns what the best doctor in Southern California can do.

The F.B.I. Has matched the design of the attic to one of Saddam Hussein's Iraqi houses.

Booyah!

[Narrator] Actually, he'd been hiding inside the dumbwaiter for over 20 minutes waiting for someone to use the word 'wonder.'

I grant him magic sanctuary. That's fine. I second the sanctuary. But with a clause of silence.

Look at Tiagra, my girl. Don't look at her. 'Cause you look at her and it affects her in a way that I don't feel comfortable with. Or go for it. I don't care, whatever.

See, we got the abscess, but I think we might have left some snippers in there. It's not very likely, but one of the assistants having taken them is even less likely.

Well, uh, we had a little whoopsie. See, we got the abscess, but I think we might have left some snippers in there.

We leased the top floor to another company and moved down here. But we can stay in business without having to build the extra houses. We did it!

He cut off my- [Bleeps] fingers! I'm not kidding! He cut off my- [Bleeps] fingers!

Handle first. Handle first. [Screams] Oh, my fingers!

I've shortened your calf muscles to theoretically increase your jumping ability. But if it works, I could be the best in the world.

My middle finger and index finger are- Switched for the first time ever. Nice job, Frank. Amazing.

You're not half the man he was! This kid's got moves.