Off The Hook

It was Tres de Cinco, or the day before Cinco de Cuatro

In case you wanted to make confetti out of something other than the pictures that they sell of the chubby Linda Ronstadt

As you'll see, he admits it plenty

But his biggest fear wasn't confronting a wet, loose seal; it was losing one

Wait! She doesn't have her makeup! I have her lipstick! Mother!

Mother is going to come waltzing through that door any day now, and she is going to be screaming, 'Make sure you frisk that girl before...'

That's my perfume. Mm, good. Okay, good. She wouldn't wear that

♪ The vodka goes in, you pour it in the other ♪ ♪ The olive on top and then you call your... ♪ ♪ Mother. ♪

Except for the hair. You have reduced. Well, you're not that skinny. Welcome home, chubs. Oh, you will kill me for that. And I don't want that blood on my hands

To an uninformed observer, it looked a little like that Vince Vaughn movie Psycho

This pasta's way overcooked, Buster! Well, you didn't leave me the simplest recipe, Mother

Chinchilla! The one you got after Dad had the affair with the chubby intern from Riverside

Right to the smokes, huh? Give me a minute. Let me catch my breath

You've managed to combine people's fear of homosexuals and eels into one alibi

Half your testicle was hanging out of that thing. Good! I'm glad they saw it

And keep your ball joke to yourself, Andrew Dice Clay

You're a hot mess! You're a hot mess!

Hello to you, too, 2

It's 5:00 in the afternoon. It's 5:00 a.m. somewhere

Well, that was a freebie

I was making two ban... Late last night, it was drizzling rain! I'm a key witness

The fish is frozen here! It's frozen! Do you really want to spend $30 on frozen fish?

Like the saltless pie?

I hope your juicy blender bender was worth it

Is that baby toe of yours still crawling over the others like a weird weed?

Oh, it's one of my night terrors

Did you hear it?

Before you accidentally skip back too far and wind up in the middle of the Maeby episode, trust me, no '2' was spoken

Alex Trebek? She then rephrased it in the form of a question. Who is Alex Trebek?

Buster, that was innuendo. Oh. My Lord, it's like we're speaking different languages here

Holy Toledo, Buster, sometimes I think I'm nothing but a Horn & Hardart to you

Buster, you can either be a son or a lover and right now, you're no good to me as a lover

What will you give me for these? All-time low

Are you gay? No. You can tell me. I'm not. It's okay. Drew, tell him. I'm gay. Oh. Peter's gay. Oh... Sergeant Melnick's gay. Oh. Bi. Oh, sorry, he's bi

Who did Larry Kert replace in Company? I don't know. I know who he thought he was replacing, and it was Dean Jones. But he didn't come close

He deserves a big hand for that and we gave him one

This is so much more fun than 'Guess the Fur'

If I had him back in the '60s, Cuba would be the 51st state

Take that, Taliban wedding!

Oh, you can go to Spain in this thing? Maybe you should take a break

Innocent people?! You mean I've been hurting guilty people?!

This looks like you're pointing to a place that buys your gold

It's as if they wrote that song for my own son

Too hard. Uh, I think that was too hard. Okay. Yeah.

Hope this guy likes the music acts on Saturday Night Live because he's gonna be watching a lot of them

Aren't you the 'cu-test'?

I see a veteran whose hand I'd like to shake. Not that one

I suppose we could use a Blind Side Monster. Well, we shouldn't call him a monster

See, light drizzle will just annoy you but, you see, thunder... will 'F' you up!

Whether he's an attention hog who looks just like you, or whether he's half your size

If you want me to pay for her diaphragm, I get to put my hand in her... Shoe! Nice stop, Blind Side Monster

I've worn a captain's hat with someone who had hair like that

You can either be a son or a lover to me. And I already have two sons

Hamster or turtle? No, Mother. Hamsters are gross. It's a female. Human. Female human. Whole thing

I'm not a mother boy anymore. I'm a mother man

I'm not a mother boy anymore. I'm a mother man.

After I've zipped down, you can't expect me to zip up!

And he's gotten himself in some pretty hot ham water this time

Oh, this is just like Mother's Day Eve!

Perhaps uno mas, señor, to feed to the fishes? Gene Parmesan. This is not my real job

Oh, no. I'm in the movie. Oh, no