The Doll

I was with Marie-Antoinette in a dream last night, and she was on the guillotine, the blade came down, her head fell in the basket, it rolled over, and she started singing Neil Diamond's Solitary Man.

And I thought, 'That is not my alarm going off. This is actually happening.'

It's June! It's June! Hey! It's June! It's June, June, June, June! It's June. Ha-ha! It's June! June! Ju-uuu-une! Hey, it's June!

It's like a stay of execution. Dead man walkin'.

Well, one out of 20,000. That's not bad.

See, that means 'from Vinci.' Did you know that?

Must be some book.

Which means if I live to be 80, I will have lived the equivalent of 105 years.

I got a lot of things in the hopper.

I didn't know you had one. / Oh, I got a hopper. A big hopper.

Poor bastard.

Could you repeat that? / Why don't you handle all the copyediting? / I'm... I'm sorry. What? / Copyediting. / Uh, never mind. / Elaine, you do it.

How embarrassing this must be for you. You just bought your own dinner.

Ha-ho! Funny. Isn't he funny? Funny guy.

No, the stupidest thing you ever said was when Steve Kroft from 60 Minutes is the same guy from Seals & Croft.

I'm percolating, Jerry. I'm telling you, I have never felt so fertile. I'm mossy, Jerry. My brain is mossy.

A restaurant that serves only peanut butter and jelly. What do you call it? PB and J's. What do you think?

I think you need more sleep.

Why? What time is it? / It's 4:00. / Four in the morning? / Yeah. / What's wrong with you? / I'm bored.

Every time Mr. Peterman tries to assign him any work, he says he can't hear. And it all gets dumped on me.

I... I'm sorry. What? / I'm kind of swamped. / Thank you.

Somehow I thought he'd be taller.

Hey, Bob. Bob? Hey, Bobby, over here. Bob? Oh, Bob? Bob?

I snuck up behind him at the urinal and tried to see if he could hear me.

Well...he flinched...sort of. / What do you mean, sort of? What did he do? / Well, he kind of moved his head, you know? But it might have been on the zip-up, I don't know.

We could be like the Gatsbys. Didn't they always have, like, a bunch of people around, and they were all best friends? / That doesn't sound right.

Somehow I dozed off and woke up in a pile of garbage. / Somehow?

I want you so bad, Bob. You turn me on so much. You're so damn sexy. Ooh. I'm starting to unbutton. Anything getting through?

I feel like Lincoln. / Well, let's hope this evening turns out a little better.

Well, this is, uh, risky business, huh? I'm all atwitter.

Oh, my God. Cosmo, wake up. Cosmo? Oh, my God. He's dead! He's dead.

Yeah, Tommy, this is Connie. You gotta help me. Some guy dropped dead on top of me. I can't call the cops 'cause Joey might find out.

Nyea.

Broke a shoelace today. / Oh, I can get you shoelaces tomorrow. / Okay. / So, what color? / Brown. Maybe a black. / More coffee? / No, check...please.

Hey! Sha! Mama! No! Help!

I heard every word you said. And I know you wouldn't be just having fun with his handicap. Ooh, that kind of cruelty would be grounds for dismissal.

Frankly, I didn't think she was too concerned about my jacket.

You don't try and de-sour. You have to sweeten too. / I'll try. / I'll try and de-sour and sweeten.

I wanna get it back to when we were the Gatsbys. / I still don't know what that means.

But I woke up in the Hudson River in a sack!

She doesn't want anybody else to have me!

Oh, you go into a department store, you put a suit on, and you walk right out. What are you, some sort of an idiot?

Well, one of the Gypsies took it. / Oh, the Gypsies took it. Of course, New York has a lot of Gypsies. Ooh, on every block, there's a Gypsy.

Are you an entertainer? Are you in show business? / No, I... / Then what am I talking to you for?

I think this crest is different. It's got a moose on it. / Moose? / Yeah. / I don't think this is the jacket.

Great. Now she's sour. / Maybe she'll sweeten. / She won't sweeten. And I'm bitter!

What, sleeping with the fishes? I guess I woke up.

Attempted murder? Of who? / This guy, Kramer. / Whoa. Cosmo Kramer? / Yeah, that's right. / I don't want nothing to do with it.