Where Theres A Will Theres A Way 2

Carlton:He says it's time for me to leave the nest, become independent...and have sex with girls.

Jackie · Will:That's for not calling me after you left.

Carlton:Since I didn't buy a program on the way in...could you please tell me what the heck is going on?

Will:Man, look, that filly is from Philly. We grew up together.

Will · Carlton:What do you want it to mean? / That she hates you and you have no interest in her.

Carlton:I've seen a lot of girls smack you, Will. / Then I see the same girls leaving your room.

Carlton:I'll fight you for her, Will. Any time, any place.

Will:Relax. I got about as much chance with Jackie as you do.

Jazz:All right, y'all, everybody in rows one through 15...the party's in apartment 206.

Jazz:And have money in your hands. Senior citizens get a 10-percent discount. I do take tips.

Hilary:Or maybe we could book the Forum. I'm sure the Lakers will be on the road by then.

Hilary:I'm also Trevor's little girl.

Uncle Phil:No, no, no. Technically, you're his woman, not his little girl.

Hilary:Then why does he make me wear those outfits?

Uncle Phil:Excuse me. I'm scheduled for a heart attack.

Carlton:Look out, Jerry. Tom's gonna get you.

Mr. Gorodetsky:This used to be my lawn. And this used to be my banister. And you used to be my tenants.

Carlton · Will:He kicked your butt. / Excuse me, that's our butts, Carlton. We're in this together.

Carlton:Not anymore, Kemosabe.

Carlton:I don't have to make it on my own. I'm rich.

Carlton:I can be reached by fax.

Will:You'll probably be there till you're in your 30s anyway. Like all those other serial killers.

Jazz:This is Jazz's mother. He's not here.

Jazz · Will:This is Publishers Clearinghouse. You've already won. / It's about time.

Jazz:I heard somebody disguised as me ran a party scam.

Will · Jazz:Jazz, you got me kicked out my crib, man. / Let me make it up to you. / Talk fast, you've only got a few minutes to live.

Jazz · Will:You can stay here with me. / In this roach motel?

Jazz:Man, I was sneaking the bus back to the depot and I got held up. White dude. He took the bus too.

Will · Jazz:The money's gone, isn't it? / Like the Jheri curl.

Jazz:That's the Wilsons. You'll get to know them.

Will:Whoa, wait, back up, girl. Wax on, wax off.

Will:That torch you've been carrying for me all these years...suddenly got a little too hot to handle.

Will:Hey, hey, hey, don't you be calling me Lobe. I left that in Philly, where I thought I left you.

Will · Jackie:You mean they're giving basketball scholarships to girls now? / Imagine my surprise. There I was just churning butter, and the phone rings.

Will:You mean they're giving basketball scholarships to girls now?

Jackie:So beware of the bougieman.

Will:I see this really bothers you. I'm gonna give you a couple of minutes.

Will:Because I missed you too much. How's that? I said it. Happy? That what you wanna hear?

Jackie:Don't hit your head on the rim.

Will:Before long, you'd be dragging me down into the storeroom...and snatching all my gear off and everything.

Will:Then I have to nail you with a sexual-harassment suit...like the Anita Hill thing in reverse.

Jackie:And it certainly does not include risking frostbite around you.

Jackie:Oh, Will. Wear something warm.

Will:Yo, man, I didn't really miss her. That was just game I was kicking there.

Carlton:Well, if it's gonna spoil.

Will:Adversity is my oyster.

Will:This will go good with my adversity.

Aunt Viv:The last I saw him, he was in his room kissing the floor.

Will:There's no place like home.

Uncle Phil · Hilary:Please, whatever happened to getting down on one knee? / Daddy, that's for old fogies. / I got down on one knee. / Sustained.

Will:I ain't no bungee expert or nothing...but I don't think he's supposed to be slamming into the ground like that.

Will:Trevor didn't look so bad for a dude that had a concrete face-lift.

Jazz:Fool. Like that was his real head.

Hilary:No, I mean technically. Am I a widow or what?

Hilary:If I hadn't asked for a special proposal...Trevor would be in my arms...instead of in my purse.

Aunt Viv:Hilary...Trevor wasn't cremated.

Hilary:Then who's this?

Hilary:Is he single?

Hilary:Right. He's up there with my little dog Scruffy.

Will:Yeah, and the bus he rode in under.

Carlton · Will:Must everything be a joke to you? My sister's in a fragile condition. I'm trying to help her bounce back. / Bounce. Trevor bounced.

Uncle Phil:Son, go get yourself a milk.

Hilary:Every inch of that newsroom reminds me of Trevor. His desk, his makeup bib...the shower in his office.

Hilary:Go to the mall with my father? Sorry, I forgot.

Jazz:So with that in mind, what are you doing later?

Jazz:Oh, yeah, I forgot. There's a hostage situation back at my building. SWAT team said it'd be a week before we could get back in.

Will:Forgive me for what I'm about to do.

Will:Of course, there is the pool house. Never mind, forget about that, though.

Will:I bet if those walls could talk...they'd whisper: 'Trevor.'

Uncle Phil · Will:I was thinking maybe I could turn that pool house into a law library. / Stop playing, listen. / A greenhouse. That would work, huh?

Will:Check it out. It's important that I have my privacy. Say a honey be tiptoeing up my crib. That's my business, not yours.

Uncle Phil · Will:Fine. No skinny-dipping. / You gotta promise me that same thing.

Carlton:How come he gets the pool house...and I'm stuck upstairs with the grieving widow?

Jazz:It's my property. I'm gonna inherit it after the big guy takes his bungee jump.

Carlton:Okay, tallest one gets the bedroom. I need the big closet for my peacock suit.

Jazz · Will:Will! So glad it's you. I heard someone disguised as me just ran a party scam. / I'm sorry, what? / How many people think we doing that again?