Christmas Party

The entire opening struggle to get the Christmas tree through the door - multiple people shouting contradictory instructions

Ah, I got a splinter. / Well, suck it up. We all have problems.

That's what she said.

And B: I wanted it to be impressive. The biggest day of the year deserves the biggest tree of the year.

And we are going to sell that to charity. That's what Christmas is all about.

Jim's entire talking head about the teapot gift with inside jokes for Pam

She put this on a hot dog a couple years ago because she thought it was catsup. And it was really funny, so I kept the other two.

This would take a little too long to explain. So I won't.

Do you think I should have gotten the big ones? / We'll see.

Which, to me, seems... excessive.

Ho ho ho! Pimp! I'm kidding!

Double everything. Double ice cream. Double napkins. Double it. On me.

So I guess some good came out of firing Devin after all. Maybe I should call him, tell him that.

I want people making out in closets. I want people hanging from the ceilings, lampshades on the heads. I want it to be a Playboy Mansion party.

Like booze ever killed anybody.

Will you help me? / No! No way. It... no.

That makes sense, because he has elfish features.

I got Angela. She's into these posters of babies dressed as adults. I got her one of those. I felt kind of weird buying that.

I got myself for Secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody, but I didn't.

Not great. Sorry, everybody. I think the tree looks nice.

Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, 'Hey, man, I love you... this many dollars worth.'

He obviously forgot to get me something. And then he went into his closet and dug out this little number. And then threw it in a bag.

Yep, that's exactly what happened.

Wasn't there a $20 limit on the gifts? / This is 400 bucks. / You don't know that. / Yeah, you left the price on.

So Phyllis is basically saying, 'Hey, Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year. But I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's worth.' I gave Ryan an iPod.

We are going to turn Secret Santa into Yankee Swap! / What is Yankee Swap? / I thought that was called Nasty Christmas. / Yeah, we call it White Elephant.

Michael should have asked the party planning committee first. He's not just supposed to just spring things on us out of nowhere.

That was meant for Kelly. / Yeah, I figured.

That's like the creepiest thing that I've ever seen.

Everyone wants the iPod. It is a huge hit. It is almost a Christmas miracle.

See, I wanted somebody to take it. Boom. Reverse psychology. Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don't know if you guys know about it. But, basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.

Two paintball lessons with someone as experienced as I am, is worth, easily, like, two grand.

Maybe I should have taken the iPod.

Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets... Christmas.

Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame.

15 bottles of vodka? Yeah, that should do it.

A real man makes his own luck. Billy Zane, Titanic.

And sinus infections can be cured by making a tea from green tea leaf stems and pouring it directly into your nose like so.

What line of work are you in, Bob?

Kudos to Ryan, king of the party committee!

Not bad... and if it couldn't go to Ryan, you are the guy I'd want it to go to.

Lampshade on the head! It's happening!

Christmas is awesome. First of all, you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time.

Ohhhhhhkay. (Meredith's drunken response)