Performance Review

It is a fitness orb. And it has completely changed my life

Done.

More enjoyable sex. You are not having sex.

Plus, improves your reflexes. See, I would've caught that.

And it ended with him telling me he could bench press 190 pounds.

Pam, you're trustworthy. And a woman. - Thank you. Oh no.

Just off the top, I think she'll be here this afternoon.

Well, no Gould. The Gould has been. Divorce

The vulnerable devorcee gives herself to the understanding with rugged good looks office manager.

We both didn't, I didn't want, we both didn't want it to continue.

When people say it, something's mutual, it never is. But this was mutual.

So she misses me. She missed you.

Tell Michael that we should be stocking more of the double tabbed manila file folders. We don't have double tabbed manila file folders. - Oh yes we do. - No we don't. Yeah, it's a new product.

I'm gonna actually be asking for a pay decrease. That is so stupid. What if he gives it to you? Then I win.

I need to stay focused. And I don't have to see you tomorrow or Sunday. please don't call me and we'll see how things go on Monday.

Wait, wait, one thing. By tomorrow, you mean Saturday, right?

Today is Thursday. But Dwight thinks that it's Friday. And that's what I'll be working on this afternoon.

Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words. - Really? - Oh yes.

Stanley, that's freakin' brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that on the streets?

I did learn it on the streets. On the ghetto, in fact.

Michael and Jan definitely made out. - Oh! Maybe more. Also it is Thursday, but Dwight thinks it's Friday. So, keep that going. - Yay!

I really enjoy being judged. I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny.

Angela, you were totally satisfactory this year.

That's my girlfriend.

Office romances are nobody's business but the people involved.

Don't you mean constructive criticism? - What did I say? - You said constructive compliments. That doesn't make any sense.

Well, Kelly. That was neither constructive nor a compliment. So maybe you should stop criticizing my English.

Dan, this is Jim, it is about 11:15. and I wanted to know what you were up to tomorrow, which is the 15th and that is a... Saturday.

I'm a little confused because first it's all like kissey, kissey. And then it's like all regret. Because, oh, I regret that. But wait, I'm still going to call you.

Not like wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. But I do say thank you, ma'am. But I'm not like, wham, bam. Not that there's anything wrong with wham, bam. If it's consensual.

Well, you're wearing it at the office. And... it, I'm sorry, no offense, but it's really sexy. Please don't smell me Michael.

No. I went out and got drunk with my laser tag team last night. Crap! I never go out on a Thursday night. What the hell was I thinking?

What should we do to prepare for Y2K?

I thought you read these every week? Well, obviously, this one got stuck in the box. That happens occasionally.

We need a better outreach for employees fighting depression. Okay, alright, enough with the jokes. Nobody in here is suffering from depression.

Tom. Oh, that guy. That guy was weird.

You need to do something about your B.O. Now, I don't know who this suggestion is meant for.

Aren't the suggestions meant for you?

Michael, he wasn't inferring, he was implying. You were inferring. Was I, Creed?

is that when we're on an elevator together, I should maybe take the stairs, because talk about stank.

You need to do something about your coffee breath. - Shut up, shut up, shut up,

Yeah, who wants to come in on a Saturday? Yeah. What?

Don't sleep with your boss? Do you think this is referring to you boning Jan?

You're going to give me this raise. I deserve this raise. Yes! Yes! Yes! The least you can do is keep my salary consistent with inflation! Yes! Why are you going to give me this raise?! Why?! Because, I'm awesome! I am awesome!

Okay. Great. Your performance has been adequate. You may leave. Good-bye.

Let me bring up one word. Dedication. I have never, been late. Also, I have never missed a day due to illness. Even when I had walking pneumonia.

I even come in on holidays. You do? How do you get in? I have a copy of your key.

For instance, the time brought in deer jerky for the whole office. That was deer? Gross. - Oh, god, Did not - You liked it.

It's a delicacy. And, you know what, it's an aphrodisiac. So when we're done here, you guys could go over to the Antler Lodge, sample some deer, and talk about my raise.

And in conclusion, I think Lex Luther said it best, when he said, 'Dad, you have no idea, what, I'm capable of.' - That's from Superman? - Smallville.

How do you come back from that? You don't I don't think, come all the way back, you know? Especially working together. No, I mean, doing that with Michael. How do you come back from that, as a human being? Oh, yeah. No. I don't think you can.

It's your personality. I mean you're obnoxious, and rude. And-and-and stupid. And you do have coffee breath by the way. And-and, I don't agree about the B.O. But you are very, very, inconsiderate.

So my looks have nothing to do with it.

Hey! It's 12:20. Where the hell is Dwight? No idea. Never missed a day my ass.

I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! It's okay!