Phyllis Wedding

How do you know it's gonna be a boy? How... Would you stop interrupting, please?

And when I came to, I had an epiphery.

I want my son to know the dealio. The dealio of life.

Then you take these and clip them wherever.

Number eight, learn how to take off a woman's bra. What... We will demonstrate on Pam. No. And... No. Come on. You just twist your hand until something breaks.

What if he's a murderer? He's not gonna be a murderer. Maybe that's how you die?

Prima nocta, I believe, from the movie Braveheart and confirmed on Wikipedia, is when the king got to deflower every new bride on her wedding night.

I'm sorry, I had a very different understanding as to what prima nocta meant.

It's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour-long shower with guys.

I've gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim's neck.

Tall, queer, handsome as ever. 'Hey, everybody, it's me, Jim.'

Either this chick is a dude or Halpert got scared straight.

And what kind of stripper did you get? I did not order a stripper.

Okay, co-ed naked strippers in this office, for realsies.

Under no circumstance should a man strip off his clothes in this office. Shut up, Angela!

Good advice, Beesly. Thanks. See you out there? Yeah. Don't fall asleep at your desk!

Ruddy cheeks, thick calves, no tats, no moles. No tats. No, tats. Of course, I want... Stop. That's disgusting.

He hasn't even said a word yet. Just giggling.

Michael referred me to a male strip club called Banana Slings. Instead, I called the Scholastic Speakers of Pennsylvania.

Well, actually, I never was President. Yes, but Ben Franklin was.

'Is she hot?' Text back, 'Kind of.'

Ben Franklin tied a cherry stem in his mouth! Well, that is because I am a Renaissance man.

Who wants some man meat? I do! I want some man meat! Michael, Dwight would like your man meat. Well, then, my man meat he shall have.

Oh, no! I was confused by your phrasing.

You know what I find sexy? Pam's art. She's an artist and I appreciate that. It's very moving and sexy, the art.

You smell nice, like Tide. What's that? You smell like Tide detergent. Do you use Tide detergent?

And you are engaged and I'm sure you have a boyfriend in prison or something, so...

You want me to answer phones with my clothes on?

Ben Franklin, you're really kind of a sleazebag.

'Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets, secrets hurt someone.'

I don't care what Jim says. That is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure.

God, I need a boyfriend. You know, Ryan, I'm... I'm totally ready to be set up with one of your business school friends. Whenever.

It really makes you wonder how Ben Franklin can become President, but someone like Elizabeth can't.