Christmas Wishes

Andy claiming to be 'the first office Santa ever to make holiday wishes come true'

Stanley's list of weird Christmas themes: 'A Honolulu Christmas, a Pulp Fiction Christmas, a Muslim Christmas, Moroccan Christmas, Mo Rocca Christmas'

'Christmas is Christmas is Christmas is Christmas'

'I got Stanley tickets to see Lewis Black for his birthday. Might not have been the best idea'

'I want Christmas. Just give me plain baby-Jesus-lying-in-a-manger Christmas'

Andy giving Jim property on the moon 'Directly adjacent to the Sea of Tranquility. Beachfront.'

'She's not your grandmother is she?' 'Gam-Gam's name is Ruth, Jim'

'Only thing that's not serious by the way, our repartee'

'I love Jessica, and I haven't even met her yet. It's like, we don't even need to meet, you know? I already love you. Stay home'

Kelly offering to be mean to Jessica: 'It's really no problem. I was already planning on being mean to her'

'I feel like a kitten being cradled by a gorilla'

Robert's analysis of Black Eyed Peas: 'It's rock and roll for people who don't like rock and roll. It's rap for people who don't like rap. It's pop for people who don't like pop'

'Okay, the weak always bully the strong, contrary to what you see in the media'

Andy saying 'Moe-nay' instead of 'Money'

'My ex is meeting my sex. Which is always scary. You know? And not just because you think they might talk about your penis. That's just part of it'

Erin's scoliosis explanation and spontaneous demonstration

Darryl's popsicle explanation: 'Yeah, like, upstairs people 'Cause you got a stick up your butt'

'I will look so handsome for you, Darryl'

'I get really pranky when I drink'

Meredith's elaborate shot peer pressure speech to Erin

Jim giving fake credit card numbers over the phone as bait for Dwight

'So Dwight did take the bait. He used my credit card numbers to send a $200 bouquet of flowers to my wife. From me. Boom'

'You usually dress like a Ghostbuster'

Dwight's porcupine attack story with 'toothbrush and tooth powder'

Toby's Chad Flenderman description: 'Just an easy-going black guy who knows the streets, yet he also went to Oxford. So just as comfortable on a motorcycle as he is on Air Force One. And he's also the world's leading Egyptologist'

'Toby, nobody cares about your sex-crazed black detective' 'No, no, no, no, no women chase him. He misses his wife'

'Porcupines don't have souls. They're like dogs'

'That's how the cool kids say "get a drink." - reverse spit'

Erin's death wish for Jessica: 'I wish she was in a graveyard under the ground with worms coming out of her mouth'

'So which one are you, a murderer or a liar?'

Jim's fake concern over the defaced photo of Cece, then revealing it was probably an accident by him

Andy's philosophical question about friends who aren't sleeping together staying friends

'Jessica, did you just fart?' 'And that is how it's done'

Robert's description of Chad Flenderman: 'Chad Flenderman's kryptonite... We got a real Clarence Thomas here'

Meredith's treasures vs junk argument: 'It's my valuables' 'It's junk' 'No, they're my treasures' 'You're a hoarder'

Dwight talking to the porcupine Henrietta about bonus money

'Meredith, shut your drunk hole right now'

Robert's predatory 'You thinking what I'm thinking?' to drunk Erin

'Oh, man I was supposed to tell Dwight something. Come on, Jim'