Garden Party

If there's an opportunity for a graffiti artist to work in a... Phallic shape, interacting with the artwork, it'll happen. And Andy... Gave them that opportunity.

Great billboard! Funny, edgy, right up to the line without crossing it. Loved it. Which one did you see? Washington street. The one with like 20 dongs on it.

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

Schrute farms is very easy to find. It's right in the middle of the root-vegetable district. If the soil starts to get acidic, you've probably gone too far.

What happens when we're done chewing? Do we spit it out on the floor or keep it in our mouths the rest of the time?

This is not a picnic, Phyllis. It's a garden party. There's a grill in the warehouse I could bring. Ugh, please don't. Not a barbecue. It's better than a barbecue. It's dignified, quieter, there are rules. How is that better than a barbecue?

Connecticut casual. Any chance Connecticut casual is Pennsylvania business? I.E., this is what I'm wearing to your party.

Yeah, whoa, who's the sausage?

I cannot believe that Andy is throwing a party like this just to impress the CEO. Classic Gabe move. Hey, Andy, how about you don't steal my business strategies and I won't dress like my life is just one long brunch?

They don't warn you when the cameras are driving by.

I'm actually really disappointed in how poorly my book is doing. I've only sold one copy.

Philip? Philip is the name that we're using. It's after my favorite cat. It's after my grandfather. It's after my cat. It's after my grandfather.

One, a pot of marmalade. Oh, that sounds great. Well that-- that is what you want then, the marmalade? Sure. You don't want to hear the other one? You love marmalade? I'll hear the other one. It's a basil plant!

I'm the valet. You have to give me your car. You know what, I can probably park it myself. You have to give me your car. It's probably okay that I park it myself. No, I think it's probably better that I-- I'm the valet. You have to give me your car. Get out of your car. Get out.

Have a good time at the...Thing. It's a little tricky. You might want to be careful-- [CRASH]

Mr. Ryan Howard! Chapter two, announcing guests as they enter is height of decorum. The more volume displayed, the more honor is bestowed upon everyone present. Stanley Hudson, and his mistress Cynthia!

James, Pamela, and... P.P. Halpert!

Mabel, mabel, if you're able, keep your elbows off the table.

Well... Technically for Andy. Technically for Robert California. He's our CEO. I thought you were the CEO. I don't know how you got there. You said you were running the company. This branch. I'm the regional manager. Oh, that makes more sense.

Did I throw this party to impress my parents? That's crazy. Now, if they wanted a garden party, they could throw one themselves. Which, as a matter of fact, they did last week. They threw one for my baby brother. And it was totally amazing, but I couldn't care less.

What are you going to see? Moneyball. Walter Jr.'s choice.

Tuna! Right? And this must be your lovely wife, Pam. No. Hell no. She wishes. No, no, no, no, no. No.

Chapter four, one of the host's most important duties is as dance master. A proper courtly dance sets the tone for the entire afternoon.

R-r-Robert Califor-r-r-rnia!

Oh, I thought you were going to bring the marmalade. No, I'm certain you said, 'basil.'

This is not funny, man. Let me down. I think this thing is broken. It's not broken, Kevin. This is how it works.

Toasts are great. I mean, you toast somebody, they toast you back. It just goes round and round. That's my favorite part about toasts. The reciprocity.

I think we should be acknowledging our boss because none of us would be here without him. Robert California. To Robert! Yay, Robert!

I cannot believe I didn't think of toasting Robert. Get in the game, Gabriel.

I would like to toast someone who isn't here, but who will be in just four short months. Welcome to the world, Philip lipton! I also would like to toast Philip Halpert... Who's due even sooner.

May he be a good namesake to my grandfather, who I promised as a child, long before tonight, that I would one day name my son after. She just always has to copy anything I do! It's the Ford Taurus situation all over again.

I'd like to make a toast to the troops. Here here. Yes. All the troops. Both sides.

Ladies and gentlemen, the last supper. Chapter nine, the tableau vivant is not only welcome, but expected entertainment at any garden party.

You people say I led you. But it wasn't me. You want to toast the man who led you to success. But the boss is irrelevant. Andy and I produce nothing. We do nothing. We sit in our offices and demand, 'I want this and that, right now,' like petulant children.

You know the difference between a crying baby and a manager? One day, the baby will grow up.

But without you, Andy and I would be sitting in our dirty diapers, waiting for someone to change us, wipe us. I should be toasting you, thanking you for allowing me to have the easiest job in the universe.

♪ Saying I love you, is not the words-- ♪ It's too high. Yeah? Right? It's high, but it's not that high. Right, it feels strange. Just take it down. ♪ Saying I love-- ♪ ♪ saying I love you-- ♪ You know, just give it-- Just give it to me. Yeah.

Is anyone filming this? Seriously? Erin! Yeah, it's either taping or calling.

Get up there and sing or I will cut your larynx and you'll never be able to sing again.

What are you doing there, buddy? What's going on? Cheers, cheers, cheers. Get your own guitar.

I am so cold. That's because you didn't bring a jacket.

My first love is beet farming, but it's a young man's game. Whoever heard of an old beet farmer?

The pewter package has the least amount of goats. It's not no goats. Still 10 to 12 goats depending on the availability of the goats. Now, the goat package obviously has the most goats.

Of course I am not interested in goats. Why would you spend so much time going over the goats with me? I can get you exotic meats. Hippo steaks, giraffe burgers. We'll talk. It'll all be goat.

Hello, Cece Halpert? This is Andrew Bernard. I'd very much like to speak with you about your paper supply needs. That wasn't even my worst sales call.

I'm not going to tell you how impressed I am that you're a manager of some rinky-dink branch of a paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

I think if I had parents like that, I'd be trying to convince everyone all the time how great I was too. Guess we found Andy's rosebud. Rosebud? It's a reference to citizen Kane.

I know citizen Kane. Rosebud didn't explain why he was how he was. It just represented what was important to him as a child that he missed. That school of thought-- Let's just agree to disagree. No. You're wrong. Are you sure? Yeah.

My body has somehow become acclimated to Southern Italy. Isn't that strange? I've never been there.

Bye, tuna! Bye, Pam!

Cheeseburger or hamburger? Um, cheeseburger? Nard-dog.

I think I left my wallet in your house. Who cares? Right here. Mr. James Halpert! Keys, forgot my keys. Stop forgetting things. I didn't forget them. They're right here. That was stupid. Mr. James Halpert! So sorry. I forgot that thing. Idiot. Mi-- what are you doing?

Who do you think is really the best salesman in this office? That's a stupid question. Obviously... Mr. James Halpert!