Principal Charming

No! No! Bad dog! Let go!

Bad Santa's Little Helper! Stop! Not the sports section!

No! Stay away! This is not for you! This is Homer food!

I'll make it, Mom. Just tape my lunch box to my hand.

Yes, master.

Not that I'm angry, but how did you get my home number?

Well, Mrs. Simpson... I'd like to rely on your diagnosis, but it'd be derelict of me to do so.

No way, she's faking. If Lisa stays home, I stay home.

If Bart stays home, I go to school.

Wait. If Lisa goes to school, I go. But if she stays, I stay, so... Lisa goes to school...

Don't confuse him.

Lisa, you wasted chicken pox. Don't waste the mumps.

Bart-dude! Hey, Otto-man! Yo, hairy bro.

Wandering mongrel. Get out of my mom-and-pop operation.

Your canine is in my pool again. I'm calling the dog warden.

You go ahead and call your precious dog warden, you old axe... because my dog is tied up!

I am looking at him right--

Well, how-doodlie-do. Getting some exercise? Good for you.

Look at this rascal. He's a wet boy, isn't he? You're a water monster.

Well, well, 'Mr. Universe' takes a walk.

'Mr. Universe,' I wish.

They've got Velcro, a water pump, built-in odometer, and vanity plates.

My heart rate's dropping. Better skedaddle-y-do.

Before you know it, you'll be back among your polygons... and your Euclidian algorithms.

Oh, the kissing disease.

My little girl is growing up.

Teen Dream, Teen Scream... and Teen Steam magazine?

It smells historic.

The memory of a million drop stitches flows in your veins.

Now that's a sewing finger, honey.

They're for my daughter. Sure. Wise guy.

Simpson! I order you to buy those shoes! You're the boss!

'Keep On Truckin'?' What does that mean? I didn't know then. I don't know now.

How many of these guys are Corey? Eight.

Phonics, functions, vocabulary, remedial reading? Do your own homework, Bart!

You bought those smoke alarms, and we haven't had a single fire.

'Satan's Little Helper.' Santa's Little Helper.

Nonsense taught by charlatans and learned by bloody twits!

I'll tell you the most important words you'll ever hear... choke chain.

The dog's eyes will cross, and his tongue will protrude slightly.

Is my dog dead, ma'am? You don't know how often I'm asked that.

I don't know. I just dip in and out. I'm only watching because Brandy knows the body is hidden in the boathouse.

The other, like a hose without a fireman. Which way do you think that was? Like a hose, you wrinkled queen.

My dog was bringing me my shoes, and they fell apart in his mouth. Our warranty doesn't cover fire, theft or acts of dog.

If you'd like to buy, they're $1. So that's your little plan! Get us addicted, then jack up the price!

Well, you win.

He taught that the noblest concerto can be drained of its beauty.

He taught me that music is a fire that comes out your mouth. So you better stick an instrument in front of it.

My quilt! Six generations, ruined!

My cookie!

We never did this before. We never had a family member we can give away.

I'll set fire to my hair, rip my clothes!

I've suffered at the paws of this dog... but when I look into his vacant eyes, I can't bear to let him go.

We can question his disposition, but we can't question his heart.

If they're ever going to pull the plug on me, I want you in my corner.

You moldy old maid.

Free to loving home, world's smartest dog. Says 'I love you' on command.

Take a walk. Sniff that other dog's butt. See? He does exactly what I say.

He'd be happy at my farm. People think only mules can pull carts. Impatient people think that, patient people know better.

Heavens to murgatroid. Perhaps I cling to the old ways like a well-chewed shoe...

We do not need another college graduate who doesn't know how to sit!

I'm sorry. You can't help being dumb.

This patch commemorates the destruction of the old quilt.

If you knew how to learn-- Sit. Wait a minute, you did it!

You son of a bitch! Good show!