Bart has a crush on his new neighbor, a teenage girl who only has eyes for Jimbo Jones. Bart sets out to prove that Jimbo is not as tough as he seems.
New Kids episode hits 70 jokes in 22 minutes—high volume compensates for uneven execution.
Directed by Wes Archer · Written by Conan O'Brien
WAR
45.5
Wins Above Replacement
“New Kid On The Block” ranks #139 of 226 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 78.4 — Elite. The episode packs 70 scored jokes at 3.3 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.5 on impact, with Homer Simpson landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
I wore a 15-pound beard of bees for that woman, but it just wasn't enough.
'Twas a moonless night, dark as pitch... when out of the mist came a beast more stomach than man.
What kind of pathetic drunk Do you take me for? [Gasps] Somebody spilled beer in this ashtray. [Slurps Loudly] Ahh.
Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film The Neverending Story.
We drove around until 3:00 a.m. looking for another all-you-can-eat fish restaurant. - And when you couldn't find one? - We went fishing. [Sobbing]
All Jokes — 70 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ D'oh! [Homer's signature exclamation after crashing car]
Well, that's a tough one, 'cause I did the deed with Uta, Candy and Shasta.
But I'm gonna have to go with Shasta... 'cause she liked makin' bacon on the beach.
Ahhh, bacon. [Homer's dreamy response to hearing 'bacon']
could you please wear pants? - Mmm, no.
could you please take in your jack-o'-lanterns from past Halloweens? - Mmm, no.
Wha-- Hey, moose! Shoo! Yeah, I'm talkin' to you! Get off my lawn, now!
Okay, Homer, stay calm. just quietly get this stuff inside your house.
Maybe I'm not getting enough... estrogen.
But I think I'm allergic to seafood. The last time I ate shrimp, my throat closed up, and I went into convulsions. - Mmm, shrimp.
Mmm, shrimp.
Homer Reaction Beat Character Comedy Now, I don't know much about haggling or bargaining... so why don't we just agree to pay whatever the Winfields want?
This is where the Winfields hid their mutated son. - Bart, the Winfields didn't have a son. - See that sock over there? It was his only friend.
[Thinking] She's beautiful. Say something clever. - I fell on my bottom. - [Thinking] D'oh!
My upbringing was painfully strict, ma'am.
especially after that Time cover story, 'America's Worst City.' - You could see our house in that photo.
They're so sweet when you marry them. But soon, it's just career, career, career.
My hammock! Do you understand? Mine! Don't look that way!
How'd you like a Hertz donut? - Hurts, don't it?
Hey, baby! How about puttin' your finger in my ear? - Well, I don't know. Your boyfriend looks like the jealous type.
Hey, what the-- - That chick's messin' with our minds. Let's get out of here.
Oh, man. You're gonna be rich! [spits in hand] There's your mansion. There's the tennis court. And there's the swimming pool.
Oh, man. You're gonna be rich! There's your mansion. There's the tennis court. And there's the swimming pool.
I'll never wash this hand again.
Sorry, Lise. I no longer control the hand. The hand controls me!
Sorry, this isn't Abbie. This is her sister. I look after her now.
I wore my extra-loose pants for nothing. Nothing!
Oh, I get it. 'Bart, the babysitter's here.' 'Let me tuck you in.'
Maybe it's time I wash my hand.
That's it! Whoo-hoo! I'm glad one of us remembered. That could have been embarrassing.
After all, Homer, I do have the normal appetites.
just let me make sure we're not talking about food. - I'm not. - Right. Me neither. We're talking about sex, right? - Right.
Hey, sometimes a guy just likes his skin to look its yellowest.
Sometimes I think you want to fail! Shut up. just shut up!
Take your kaftab'Sounieh and dip it in the labneh. Now, that is good labneh.
We used to eat this when my dad was stationed in 'Vandihar.'
Laura Wordplay/Pun Observational What about the bread? Does that have much fish in it? - Yes.
Well, I have some Tic Tacs in my purse-- - Excellent choice.
just follow me. Put your hand on my hip. [Voice Cracking] Okay.
That man ate all our shrimp and two plastic lobsters! 'Tis no man. 'Tis a remorseless eating machine. Arr!
I'm like that guy, that Spanish guy. You know, he fought the windmills. - Don Quixote? - No, that's not it. What's his name? 'The Man of La Mancha.' - Don Quixote. - No!
Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film The Neverending Story.
Homer, I don't use the word 'hero' very often. But you are the greatest hero in American history.
Homer, I don't use the word 'hero' very often. But you are the greatest hero in American history.
Hey, can your grandfather do this? [Karate Yells] - Oh!
I had a crush on the oldest woman. 120 years old, she was. Here's a picture of her delivering Eubie Blake.
I wore a 15-pound beard of bees for that woman, but it just wasn't enough.
Ooh! 'Mostly Mozart' is in town.
[Monkeys Chittering] Zookeeper! Zookeeper! Those two monkeys are killing each other! - They're having sex. - Oh?
Son, a woman is a lot like, um... a refrigerator. They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice and-- Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer.
They smell good. They look good. You'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman.
You know that dead body they found behind the mayor's house? - Jimbo killed him? - No, but he poked him with a stick.
You know that dead body they found behind the mayor's house? - Jimbo killed him? - No, but he poked him with a stick.
[Echoing] Just a kid. Just a kid.
I married her! [Homer laughing at his own joke]
'Twas a moonless night, dark as pitch... when out of the mist came a beast more stomach than man.
18,000 letters all addressed to 'Santa Claus.' - You want 'The People of Springfield versus Kris Kringle.' That's next door.
18,000 letters all addressed to 'Santa Claus.' - You want 'The People of Springfield versus Kris Kringle.' That's next door.
Mrs. Simpson, isn't it true your husband once consumed a 10-pound bag of flour when no other food was available? - Yes, but it was--
We drove around until 3:00 a.m. looking for another all-you-can-eat fish restaurant. - And when you couldn't find one? - We went fishing. [Sobbing]
Come see 'Bottomless Pete,' nature's cruelest mistake. - Oh, he's hideous! - I heard they shaved a gorilla.
No, this is... Bo's Cavern.
Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss! Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
Maybe your standards are too high.
My name is Jimbo Jones, and I live at 1094 Evergreen Terrace.
What kind of pathetic drunk Do you take me for? [Gasps] Somebody spilled beer in this ashtray. [Slurps Loudly] Ahh.
I wasn't really gonna kill ya. I was just gonna cut ya. [Sobbing Continues]
You know, if you were only old enough to grow a bad teenage mustache... I'd go out with you in a second.
Ivana Tinkle. just a sec. Ivana Tinkle. Ivana Tinkle! All right, everybody, put down your glasses. Ivana Tinkle.
Hello, I'd like to speak to Miss Tinkle, first name... Ivana. Ivana Tinkle. just a sec. Ivana Tinkle. Ivana Tinkle! All right, everybody, put down your glasses. Ivana Tinkle.
Bart Moe Setup/Punchline Escalation Callback Top Episodes — The Simpsons
