A Goons Deed In A Weary World

You fail Liz. You let the show get cancelled, and we all died.

When we talked about this dream, we said we were gonna be cowboys.

Guess there's another full-figured Bev at the office there.

It's not my airport!

How big is an eight-year-old's head? I'm thinking, like, a bowling ball?

No, bowling ball's too small. It's like a basketball. A small basketball that you win at the fair.

DVR at 98%, but I'm just never in the mood to watch Treme.

Okay, first things first... I'll watch a bunch of tremes.

Hey, sorry I late, but Treme gets good if you stick with it.

Like B.E.T.?

Would Amelia Earhart or dian fosse or Joan of Arc?

I ain't afraid of no board!

Lemon, expensive musical cues are exactly the sort of thing you can't afford anymore.

You've got Lemon. Make lemonade.

I want to paint a mural of Houston for the kids, but I'm terrible at drawing swamp humidity.

Sex on the couch?

The lowest level of defense preparedness? Fantastic.

Have you dudes ever been to deafcon, the comic book convention for deaf people?

Fine, I'll Skip to the end. And that little boy's name was Marshall Mathers.

Last night at a party, we urinated into the same fountain during a lightning storm. And I think we switched brains.

I'm glad the band U2 is doing press all day.

My whole life has been building to this moment.

Kenneth the page. That's a name I haven't heard in a long time.

I bleed blue and gray. Especially where I stepped on that nail.

For example, if they're Japanese, I'll make sure we accidentally walk in on a blonde woman peeing.

It's like NBC's TV version of Willy Wonka, starring Bob Uecker.

I do admire Wonka. He's a true capitalist. His factory has zero government regulations, slave labor, and an indoor boat.

No, sir. It's a magical, Ruth-filled business!

There is no 'we', Kenneth. You're giving a tour. I'm picking the next president of NBC. Understood? Yes, sir. Of course... Not.

a German guy who wants to eat somebody. And even Gunter's having doubts.

Why should Bro Body Douche get in TGS's panties?

Well, Broseph... Sup? I think TGS and Bro Body Douche would be tight. Totes? Nah mean? No homo. Mos def. So... jeah?

TGS, it sounds like a news Channel, or an STD you know I've got.

I like that you've got a slut on the show, even if she is a little boned out.

have you ever seen the porn version of Transformers?

It'd be weird if my show were created by a woman. So could your credit be Todd Debeikis?

It's in honor of my frat bro. Died during hell week after passing out in the trough.

I went to Syracuse. Never-knew-my-dad!

I got some stuff on the back burner. Left unattended long enough, the house burns down... Insurance money.

Like how, after E.R., Clooney had dumb, gay Batman.

But we don't need two roles if we play siamese twins! One is the president. The other's Santa Claus. And they're both in love with the same woman... Elvira!

It's a movie called Heads of state. Colon... The rise of doctor Ronfulus.

The Today show was originally designed to entertain prison inmates whose IQs were too low for them to be executed.

We pay most of our hosts in white wine.

And it's about seeing your friends Matt and Savannha, and your Butler Al.

Janu-where is the snow?

Kenneth, it's 'we peacock comedy.' You say the peacock.

[Angry NBC chimes] ♪ dum dum dum ♪

They're death traps and hymen demolishers. You know what happened to me.

Did you know that every year more people die from disease and accidents combined than from just trampoline accidents?

I'm the only single guy here, Liz, except for Ladarius, whose wife died in a trampoline accident.

It comes out 13-13-13, which is January 13th, 2014.

I know what you're thinking, Liz, but it is possible to have twins who are different races. I saw it on Maury.

It was a episode entitled, my obese toddler did my stepfather's makeover.

What would it take for you people to ever step up and help me? Ever!

TGS, the Joey Montero show, the Lovebirds. And the moon landing.

My name is C.B. Essington. Now, listen to me carefully because I have a moral quandary for you.

That fabric was made from toilet-clog hair.

At some point, you gotta turn the horse into glue, Ken.

That is a waste of delicious dead horse.

But if all he cares about is the bottom line, he's not right for the job.

Kenneth, you also just described me. Are you saying I wasn't right for the job?

No, sir. You were not.

I'm just hair and eyes. It's perfect.

what if the jolly green giant was horny?

You're not my girlfriend. You're nobody's girlfriend!

I think it's awesome, but full disclosure, I just drank ayahuasca.

Do you know what I had for lunch today? Two pieces of pizza, a garden salad, a cup of soup, this cookie thing with a jelly center.

They're not coming in on 1/29 on Flight 124. They're coming in on 1/24 on Flight 129.

I mean, how important is being there this one time?

And I am Todd Debeikis!

So shines a goon's deed in a weary world.

I mean, the monkey was funny, damn it.

Homonym is the first U.S. TV show to be broadcast in Iran.

Your college mascot and president was a bear in a hat?

You're the next president of the National Broadcasting Company.

Welcome to the Man Cave. TV for your peen. R.I.P., Todd.

They're replaceable... we can get David Alan Grier and Miss Piggy.

Children? Why the hell are you still here?

I actually quit two years ago. Subhas out. Suck it!

No way! So it is possible. Yeah, I saw it on Maury.

What up, Liz Lemon? I will not be able to attend school tomorrow because of an issue with my lizard.

That seems about right.