The Ocean Walker

Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together.

Who the hell to? / Who do you think? Rita. / Her? / Why?

Well, first of all, she needs a green card to stay in the country. / There it is. / She needs a green card to stay in the country, because, secondly...

She was special. / Are houses terribly hard to make? / Actually, the hardest part is finding the land. / But she wasn't smart. / Instead of making houses, maybe you should make land.

For Rita had only mentally progressed to the level of a first grader. / There's no land on the ocean. / You're brilliant.

All right, now look, just because a woman gets pregnant doesn't mean you have to marry her. Too many lives have been ruined because some cheap waitress at a HoJo said she used an IUD. / It was Stuckey's. / But I believed you.

This is funny! / He's gay! / Where's your hand? / Oh. I'm having my high school ring put on it, and my hook is stuck in the staircar.

Domo arigoto, Mister Roboto...

And I like to keep the light on. / That way I can see if you have a monster. / Night-night. / Can you shut the door on your way out?

Let's just all relax, and remind ourselves that we don't have any money. / She's already gotten our money!

Oh, big deal, I had that same basic idea years ago.

Ah, here comes the bride. / Hey. What are you doing in a wheelchair? / No, no, no, it's a dolly to help videotape your nuptials.

Okay, so my legs and my left arm occasionally 'go to sleep,' and you want to call it a health problem.

No, thank you, I don't need your help. / It does seem like you've been having a whole lot of trouble since the hair transplants.

Maybe you should see a bubuman. / A... 'bubuman'? / Oh, uh, a doctor. It's a British expression. Like they say 'go-up box' instead of 'elevator.'

Oh, like when they say 'poofter' to mean 'tourist,' yes. / Boy, that Rita's a smarty.

Maybe they could walk. / Across the ocean? / If it's not too deep.

No, deep is good. People are going to say, 'What the hell just happened? I better say I like it.' 'Cause nobody wants to seem stupid.

The Ocean Walker. / Holy crap, that's going to look good on a hat.

You want me to do a magic show at the wedding. I'm on it. / So glad we pushed through that. / No magic.

Put her out! Put her out! / Tracy! / Thank God we already did the pictures.

I am going to get you the single healthiest call girl that this town has ever seen.

Oh, I'm not going to spend this kind of money and not watch.

Hey, hello. Well, look at you two, Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum. / Michael didn't mean it in that way. / How could he, he didn't even know.

You guys have these jackets on inside out? / Yeah, that way you see the label. / Yeah, I mean, that's what you're paying for, right? It's a great statement on fashion. / Plus, it doesn't tickle your neck.

King... takes his queen... and showers her with diamonds! / Clubs. / Club sauce. / He covers her with club sauce.

I don't appreciate the dry British humor.

Oh, lighter fluid--like Uncle Trevor uses! / But wherever did it come from?

How long can you hold your breath? / Oh, long. One time, 20 minutes. / Actually, her record was 20 seconds.

Now, I just need to find a trick that puts you out of oxygen for 20 minutes.

What if I find a trick that has her float to the alter or something? / No, no. Love for her to walk. And not to drown. / Or fly through the air. Or catch on fire.

Is she allergic to cat fur? / Oop-- no tigers.

Well, I-I-I was hoping maybe for more than just our rooms to touch. / I was... thinking maybe we could be... in the same room. / Be in the same bed. / Oh, I see what you mean, a real sleepover.

And my tiny teddy. / Good. Yes, get that.

Hot potato, hot potato... / Hot po-ta-to... Hot 'potat-o'...

That's when he first grew concerned.

I know what it is, Trevor, I've seen your secret magazine. / Spoon and figgy pudding. / Rabbit downdum druggary's hollow. / And I want to have pop-pop.

Well, the very fact that you call it that, tells me you're not ready. / Oh, and for your information, that's a cricket magazine.

I mean, it's not your fault your parents were cousins, but... here we are.

Well, Michael will be my cousin soon enough, cause we're getting married. / Married?! / Married! / Totally out of the question! / Married! Married! Married!

I'm putting the invisible locks on the door. / That's not fair. / Lock. Lock. Lock. / That's not fair! / It's just not fair! / Lock. Lock.

Michael briefly considered faking the voice. / I... She's in the shower. / I'll wait. / Let's wait.

Wow, that Blossom blew up, huh?

And that local calls were $2.95 a minute. / Come on! / That's where they get you.

You can't unlock this door? / I can't even see half the locks! / They're invisible. / Trevor's the only one who can see them. / I'm trapped!

And so, Michael set about rescuing the beautiful, sweet, mentally challenged woman he'd fallen in love with, without realizing she was mentally challenged.

I hate that ( bleep ) doll.

Let the hand-outs begin! / There's not gonna be any hand-outs, and she is not gonna marry your son.

You are not gonna get Rita's millions just because she's mentally challenged. / Millions? / Mentally challenged? / Shh! It's not polite.

Yes, it's funny how Americans don't pick up on that. I think it's 'cause of her accent and the plastic surgery she's been able to afford.

We think he may be mentally challenged. / What?

We have got 24 hours to get them married before Michael figures out what she really is. / This the first time in two years you've sounded like George Bluth.

Mere fact that you call it that tells me that you are ready.

I was videotaping Rita. / Let's just say it would be cute if it was someone much younger.

It's the plastic fruit, Dad. / It's very convincing fruit, okay? / Is she going back in for another? / Well, you know, they don't even have bananas in England, okay, son?

I think she might be... retar... retarded. / I'm sorry. / I'm really sorry.

Say hello to my tiny teddy. / Oh! Tiny Teddy!

Oh, you teach kids, huh? / Oh, I like to think they teach me. / That way I can see if you have a monster. / Be careful.

I've made a huge mistake.

For instance, you've never told me how many houses there are in the British Parliament. / Seven. / Are there? / The answer is three. / Does sound about right. / Three is the correct answer.

Rita corny, Michael. / You know, I think that we should wait until after we're married. / Married! / Married, married, married!

And Michael felt he deserved a $15 thing of candy beans.

Show them the waffle bar, Larry. / It's over there. / And check out banner, Michael!

I want to get married and have sexual relations like you promised. / Where did you get this firecracker? / I... love her, Michael.

Yeah. With the exception of the retard thing.

I'm crazy about the little dullard.

Larry go to a mirror! / You're fired. / You're fired. / What?! / It's over.

For instance, in some states, it's legal to marry your own cousin. / California's blocked it twice, but that's only because they tacked it onto an estate law thing that wasn't gonna pass. / We had the signatures...

She probably can't list the seven Houses of Parliament. / There's three.

That's not gonna be easy. She's an Olympic Silver. / Just figured that one out.

Okay. Well, I'll have to go stop production on The Ocean Walker.

Maybe you're not smart, either. / I didn't know until they told me. / No, I'm just a narcissist who was too self-involved to see the truth.

That's gonna be difficult, Rita. You're gonna be across an ocean. / Well, you can always walk. / Not on the water. / Oh, Michael, you're such a grown-up.

Hang on a sec. That's part of your trick, right? / No. / That's not my trick, Michael. / It's my illusion.