Señoritis

And if you do my Spanish, I'll teach you how to French.

Does that include the crew?

Well, if it's dumb to stay behind with you, call me a dummy.

We don't say 'dummy,' and unfortunately you two alge-tards are going to need some special tutoring.

What kind of loser spends his free time tutoring high school kids? - This kind.

George Michael? Huh, what is this? Maeby, what are you doing here?

But, wait, why are you in high school? Didn't we graduate together five years ago?

It had been seven minutes.

♪ No, it's just a phallus... eee! ♪

George Michael wasn't a very good kisser. It seems he both used his tongue to fend off the intruding tongue, but also laterally moved his lower jaw while constricting his lower lip.

And that doesn't make me hotter to you?

We're a couple of, uh, forces of nature, but... - What? - Forces of nature.

I've got two whole months to flunk. That's got to disappoint them.

It's Maeby's 'Arrested Development.'

Right. Okay, do we have to pay them in money or in rice? If they're in the union, you have to pay with rice.

You'd think someone would tell her to shave her arms, the poor thing.

Gangie on the Ganges? That doesn't even make sense.

Pretty makeup or scary makeup? Scary. Well, I think we have the crew that did The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Perfect.

I'm so full of passion. You are so full of (bleep). Yeah, yeah.

She's away at boarding school in England. Is that where we left it?

Please don't squeeze the shaman.

Thank you, Maeby, that's actually a compliment in India. My own fault.

Senior year! No? No one cares?

Why would they preempt 'Babies Having Babies' for a turkey cartoon?

having celebrated it one week earlier when they found that duck in the cupboard, tried to cook it alive, got scared, and then ended up eating it at a Chinese restaurant

Maeby, your daddy's not going to be around anymore. Excuse me, I swallowed a bug there. Uh, your daddy's not going to be around anymore.

Also, Tobias, you got a callback for something called 'The Big Bang Theory.'

Yeah. 'Cause I feel like we'll be here forever, and I have a meeting. Um, you're fired.

Actually, I was thinking I wasn't even gonna have to fire you 'cause it's been on Deadline all day.

Yeah, it does. I told them.

which is exactly what she decided to do... / What? / ...at her grandparents' penthouse.

Pieces of (bleep).

That is it-- this is like living in 1999.

And we're not moving in; we're occupying a space with central air.

Oh, that's good-- I'm gonna try and work that in there. Yeah-- no, I think it's in there.

P-Hound. I thought it was the other one. No, it-it was P-Hound, yeah.

Well, it's just a Boolean-driven aggregation, really, of what programmers call 'hacker-traps...'

You should see his Facebook page. Doesn't have a friend on it.

Of course, that last part had nothing to do with Fakeblock...

Can you imagine what kind of loser pretends to be in high school when they're in their 20s? Well, it's pretty gutsy, right?

Actually, can we make it-- uh, marry me-- a Wild Turkey? I still need to see some I.D.

I'm supposed to believe you're 17? Oh, no, sorry. That's my fake for sneaking back into high school.

These guys are making a fortune off that 'To Entrap a Local Predator' show they're on. Were. Won't let us shoot in Laguna.

After 21, it is illegal for you to enroll in high school in the state of California. As a matter of fact, you cannot even lurk.

I could ask you the same thing. I go to high school here. I could answer the same thing.

What, do they got cameras in the bushes? Why would they do that? You can't even see into the locker rooms from there.

And she wouldn't even let me get a cat.

And she wouldn't even let me get a cat.

Oh, my God! / Here, that way, that way. / And she wouldn't even let me get a cat.

I'm getting an Opie? The only bigger honor would be having an award like that named after you, I guess.

You know what? I think I will do better once I get a little Mexican in me.

No, they only give that award away to somebody after they die or, even worse, after your career is dead.

I think I just remember it that way 'cause it got dicey when I was sneaking back in to take a (bleep) on Sid's desk.

Take a hat; we got 18,000 of them.

Well, if you need a name, I'm the guy who came up with Schnoodle. How do we know each other? We don't. That's what it is.

What, you think they invite the animals and ask them to wait while they build the zoo? No, that would be a bloodbath. Yeah, a total (bleep) bloodbath.

Come on, this could be my only chance to be a Harris. A Harris? Oh, heiress. You meant... You don't pronounce the 'H.'

I tried to deactivate my Facebook profile. It's easier to get out of Scientology.

That's my undercover cop boyfriend. I'm trying to get him in bed.

It's the kids from 'Modern Family.' Sorry. Rico!

To be continued. You better believe it.

Double (bleep) newsflash. I'm starting Fakeblock with George Maharis, the world's first antisocial network.

So you can take this Opie and shove it up your (bleep), all right? Because I will (bleep) punt the next god(bleep) (bleep) who tells me I'm finished, you (bleep) (bleep)hats.

Are you really gonna whore yourself out like that? I am not a whore. Yeah, you're a whore.

and became her mother's pimp.

And just to be clear, I want to hire her for prostitution. Yes, no, definitely. That was clear. I'm gonna charge you for that.

For all I know, it's not even real! But I think this might be going through the roof! I'm calling it my first 'Hypothetical Buy.'

That's funny, I actually used to date a guy named Steve Holt. Ha! Steve Holt! Yeah, that's the guy.

Why did we stop? / We hit a bug. / I know, I know, I've got these things very, you know, meticulously maintained. / (bleep) / There are some vultures. They might still smell Pete.

Maeby, you're fired! I got her coffee.

You're never too old to stand up to a bully.

What kind of cop doesn't have a gun? / Okay, I'm not a cop. / But I saw your badge at the bar. / In fact, it was an anti-bullying badge.

You're never too old to stand up to a bully.

A señor? I'm 17. Ha! You're 17? Yeah. I'm 23. Oh, that's a relief.

Congratulations. You got your first A. Oh, thank God. This A is finally gonna get me out of high school. No, sex offender, your A is going to jail.

Oh, God. I'm gonna have to live in Sudden Valley.