Unexpected Company

Why do we have to have a party every time someone in this family is released from prison? - Tradition.

Like that god-awful thing you used to make me do on your birthday. Cook?

Not in front of the grandkids. I don't want them to know about the shady business scams - We lied to investors, so we have no product and we're two million dollars in debt.

Oh, don't be ridiculous. My name isn't on anything.

Know what? I've never been attracted to handsome men. Ah.

coding and, um... also programming

So stop having feelings for her. What? Is that something you can do with people?

Yeah, once I learned how to do it with my parents, it was easy with everyone else. It's like a heart switch, you know? Click. I love you. Click. I love you not.

No, but in my defense, I'm not a sociopath. Click.

Gob still had a very uncomfortable 'heart on' for his friend Tony

Oh, who knows what makes a guy think he can pass for straight? I mean, if he really is gay, he can try to hide it, but trust me, it will come out in the most unexpected balls.

Uh... Excuse me, 'balls'? You realize you just said 'balls'? - But you said balls. - Oh, well that's three times I'm hearing balls now.

That's the sign of a healthy business. It's closed in the middle of a Tuesday, and the owner's locked out.

Of course, these are paid protestors that the magicians hired. Not real protestors, but that's kind of the norm now, isn't it?

David, you want Pop-Tarts for dinner? Mom, don't say my name!

You bet your balls I can get you some Guy Fawkeses. Don't hold your balls. I would not hold my balls on that one.

Oh, speaking of maniacs, let's watch this again.

Well, it's not you!

Buster's in jail? My boy. My boy.

He's got a lot of spunk. I like that on a guy.

I'll go with you, and we will find our son together, and perhaps we will find each other along the way.

Just as I found my son, I lost him. And just as I lost my wife, I... I found my replacement wife, but then I... I lost her. I... I have nobody. Well, you got me, Dad. Not now, Maeby. I have... what? Like, one person. Click.

Well, you got me, Dad. Not now, Maeby. I have... what? Like, one person. Click.

We forgot the debt. Basically, what we did was we absorbed everything, including you.

Gob doesn't know that there's a B in the word 'debt.'

It takes a lot out of me, but they like to look at me as the sticky white glue that holds the family together.

Roof balls! Jesus, quiet.

Oh, this isn't a real house. This is a model house. How long do we have to stay here? Just until I can support us on my actor salary. Oh... Quiet. You can be excited, but quietly.

I guess stuff does happen like this in real life.

Wait a minute. It's a fake hand. How can it hurt? No, it's a rental from prison, and Mother said my next hand... is gonna be out of my own pocket

What are you doing with the hose? Wha... No, I didn't know it was on. I mean, I would never purposefully run a car with the garage door closed with the family in crisis.

Okay. You know, Dad, this is an electric car. Oh. So, the only thing you're killing is my battery.

K means thousand. Can you believe Adhir just expected me to know that? I must've told him K times, 'You gotta help me with these things.'

I used to train dogs, so I'm very patient. - Good Gob. Good K.

I used to train dogs, so I'm very patient. And $10,000 for a printer? - 10K. - Good Gob. Good K.

Hey, you want to spend a couple hundred bucks on a 3-D receipt, I'll have it printed and in your mouth before sunset.

The Austero books are for British eyes only, as they say. ♪ For British eyes only ♪

There's only room at this company for one copresident. What's next? You're gonna want one of my parking spaces, Michael?

Oh, well, Michael, don't worry, 'cause I already went there. ♪ Balls in the air... ♪

Would you be terribly offended if I offered you a candy? - I don't think Dad wanted me to see this. - I don't, either.

We got to face facts. They're stuck. These stick. They're stickers...

Maybe even burning the... well, midweek oil. I quit. I shouldn't have called it the easy choice.

Outside, inside, outside, inside... Now, we cannot draw attention to ourselves. - I'm just a guy fixing a broken hand. - Right. And I'm... I'm just a guy who's wearing a blue hat. Nothing to see here, folks. Nothing to see.

Oh, I'm like a kid in a candy shop. - No way. - I think I saw William Shatner wearing this while riding a bicycle once.

Oh, I'm like a kid in a candy shop. No way. I think I saw William Shatner wearing this while riding a bicycle once.

It sort of reminds me of Mother's hand, except it's less veiny, and warmer.

This is just as tough for you as it is for me. Tougher, maybe. Man without a king.

You do know that Michael didn't fire you, you quit. - As any proud gay man would do in the face of such bigotry.

Probably for being gay, too. You do know that Michael didn't fire you, you quit. As any proud gay man would do in the face of such bigotry.

You should've seen the look on his face when I do my impression of you. You know... What's the problem with Apu?

Oh, you're just mad 'cause you can't have a hamburger.

I didn't understand a word you just said, little guy.

You know Betty White has this same car? - You know Betty White? - We share a weed dealer.

I don't mean the alkies, I mean the, uh, the guys who wear the creepy masks, hang out online. The Guy Fawkeses.

You're taking me as a hostage in case the cops see us? Hey, guy, I wouldn't know about that. - We can pretend we're cousins. - Cousins?

You hired a bunch of foxy guys to protest me because I said I hated hot guys.

Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Fakeblock is so impressive. - Yeah. - I mean, Fakeblock's incredible. - Fakeblock is... - Yeah, Fakeblock is real. It's my place.

Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Fakeblock is so impressive. - Yeah. - I mean, Fakeblock's incredible. - Fakeblock is... - Yeah, Fakeblock is real. It's my place.

You took me for Chinese. The Italian place was the first time I caught you with your secretary, and you asked, 'How did you ever find me?' ♪ How did you ever find me? ♪

I want you, Lucille. In what way, George? Sexually? Yes. Sexual-ish-ly.

Look, here's the deal. - I can't... get hard. I... - Live without me. It's really getting hard, uh, to live without you.

He didn't say a word until we fired the wet nurse. He didn't stop talking about that for three years. - Until we caved.

Only because Michael drives an electric car. Trust me, the whole 'trying to kill yourself' thing, turn off.

I don't call it that, I call it 'a cry for help,' but I think help has just arrived and it's saying, 'Cry for fun!'

Hurt people, hurt people.