Oscar Bluth

One on the lips.

I have lemons, I make lemonade. - That's a very positive attitude. I hate the lemonade business. I hate the grind. You have to grind so many... lemons.

That was a song I wrote for David Cassidy; he was gonna sing it on The Mike Douglas Show. But he was too embarrassed to do it in front ofJohn and Yoko.

Fellas! Fellas!

You still have the neck of a 20-year-old. - And you still have the hair of a lion.

Smile.

OH, YOUR TONGUE IS AS SHARP AS YOUR BODY IS STILL TAUT.

Do you have any cookies with no preservatives?

More than you'll ever know.

I am surprised, though, that she's going after somebody so similar to my own type. But I suppose we all do expose our inner desires, don't we? I think you just did.

She's just so... loving and affectionate. I-I... this is not the woman I fell in love with.

Yeah. It's the only thing I could find. Where are the eggs? Doctor says they're bad for the baby.

Because that's what you are: a hot-tie.

Stop me from pouring this on myself. I can't take this anymore.

Is that her rape horn? It's more like a starter's pistol.

I just, uh, I just want to have sex with you. That's, that's all I'm good for.

You smell like a pine cone. Yeah, that's the weed.

I'm on mushrooms! I'm on bad mushrooms!

I'm on mushrooms! I'm on bad mushrooms!

which way do I try to get it in her? / I don't need any details. / Maybe I'll put it in her brownie.

Hey, Mikey, relax. It's just a giant banana.

Lucille, I'll say it again. You never know what's going to happen in the army. Remember, Lucille? No, I don't.

Croc! No, sorry. Wait. Log. Just a log. No, wait. Sorry. Croc!

LUPE WASHED THEM, AND THEY SPROUTED. I THREW THEM OUT.

You're high! - Oh, well, you can win every argument like that, but that does not make you right. - I need macaroons. - Oh, you're high!

Her? Does she look old enough to play Topher Grace's mom?

Buster! The Cornballer! [Both Screaming] [Sizzling]

I could never leave a little bud behind.

At least you can stay and help me bury my poor turtle. / Or we could cremate it.

Oh, it's on 'standby'! / Got another one in you?

Wait a minute. You're not really smiling. / I'm Oscar.

Ah, this is why they dropped those other charges. You gave me up, George. - George? I'm not George.

George! Actually, we came in to use the bathroom, but they sat me. And they have mahimahi today. Will you join us? Will you have a mahimahi on me? On you.

This is Heartfire; she's an aura specialist. She did Matthew Modine. I will.

Hey. Hey. He had his twin brother endure it. Did you bring me some lemonade? No, sir. It is crazy out there. For the first time we are out.

I just can't go on pretending to be you, sitting silently... Shh. ...in a, in a 100-degree mud hut for an hour and a half.

I just pooped in a hole and covered it up. I hope I did the right thing. There's a commode. It's, it's directly uphill from the maca root.

I love it when you call my name. George! Don't call me that. Call me Father B.

Buster? No, no. I won't... I won't hear of it. It could kill him. I meant Gob.

Well, this is America. If they don't want us to burn signs, they shouldn't write them in Spanish.

Hello, brother. Thought I'd find you in a blouse and a beekeeper hat.

I told one lie, but I-I was going to share the money with you. Two lies. And why do I think that you charge more than five dollars for lemonade? Three small lies.

Do you think I'm here for the donkey punch? Which I do love, and it's the only night you can get it.

Well, this is America. They don't want us to burn signs, they shouldn't write 'em in Spanish.

Buster's in jail? My boy. My boy.

I guess stuff does happen like this in real life.

Wait a minute. It's a fake hand. How can it hurt? No, it's a rental from prison, and Mother said my next hand... is gonna be out of my own pocket

Outside, inside, outside, inside... Now, we cannot draw attention to ourselves. - I'm just a guy fixing a broken hand. - Right. And I'm... I'm just a guy who's wearing a blue hat. Nothing to see here, folks. Nothing to see.

Oh, I'm like a kid in a candy shop. - No way. - I think I saw William Shatner wearing this while riding a bicycle once.

Oh, I'm like a kid in a candy shop. No way. I think I saw William Shatner wearing this while riding a bicycle once.

You're taking me as a hostage in case the cops see us? Hey, guy, I wouldn't know about that. - We can pretend we're cousins. - Cousins?

Inside, outside, inside, outside... - Who is this guy? - I don't know... inside... but I don't like the looks of him... outside...

Tell him to off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, to F off, twinkle toes. Tell him to F off.

This is what we in the Bluth family call a 'Don't Tell Michael.'

Inside, outside. Inside, outside. Inside, outside. Outside. Inside, outside. - You blow our cover, and she's a goner. - Inside, outside.

Wet side, dry side, wet side, dry side, wet side, dry side...

Inside. Outside. Inside.

Feels like we're outside. It feels like we're inside.

That was to get out of testifying. No, that was a three-month coma.

If something happens out there, and I get caught and I don't come back, I just want to tell you that... this... this... being with you has been... ah, it's been... I cherish it. My son.

They throw these in with the posters. Actually, he's not technically free. He still has to officially sign out from prison and pay their $75 process fee.

I'm fighting against the competition. What, is she dating? No, I'm talking about Buster.

A guy could have a mighty nice life up here. Do you... You want us to die here together?

Oh, yeah. I... I noticed there's a blood-like substance back there. But that's a tomorrow job. That's for the daytime.

Oscar and his son both confess they knew they weren't fugitives but pretended to be to spend time together

Oscar's three activity choices are all variations of staying inside: 'lay down inside, get scared of the dark inside, or play hide-and-go-seek inside'

Oscar's ultimatum: 'it's me or the weed'

Oscar saying 'Outside, outside, outside...' repeatedly

Gob introducing Oscar: 'Please say hello to my new right-hand man!' while Oscar only has his left hand