Pascal's Triangle Revisited

Professor Whitman:Seize the day.

Jeff:Yeah, maybe update your movie references. That came out in 1989.

Jeff:Is that exercise or a medical emergency?

Jeff:What are you doing?

Garrett:Chillaxing. It's a state of being where you achieve maximum relaxation through the systematic elimination of stress and tension. It's not just about lying around — it's a philosophy.

Jeff:Not much could ruin today.

Jeff:Wait, did I just jinx myself? That's a sitcom trope. I literally just tempted fate.

Troy:Okay, your turn. Give me a celebrity and I'll combine it with banana.

Abed:Denzel Washington.

Troy:Denzel Banana-ington.

Abed:That's just adding banana to the end.

Troy:Okay, fine. Banana Denzel Washington.

Abed:The Pope.

Troy:Banana Pope.

Abed:A fire truck.

Troy:Banana fire truck.

Abed:You're not even trying anymore.

Troy:You're right. Okay. Banana banana banana.

Troy:Okay, I'm ready to play the banana game.

Abed:Alright, just eat the banana.

Troy:I'm gonna make love to this banana.

Abed:...

Troy:What? Why are you looking at me like that? It's just a banana!

Troy:I remember laughing at 'teacher's aids' in elementary school.

Abed:Yeah, that's funny.

Troy:Then in seventh grade, we found out Mr. Henderson actually had AIDS.

Abed:That's dark.

Shirley:I take the boys on trips all the time. I just tell them those places with the hourly rates are 'adventure hotels.'

Annie:Gary's transferring? Oh no, that's terrible!

Shirley:Wait, really? Oh thank God.

Pierce:Gary's leaving? Best news I've heard all week.

Annie:Pierce! Shirley! We should be sad for him.

Shirley:Honey, Gary ate my potato salad without asking.

Pierce:Gary told me my jokes were offensive. Which they are, but coming from him?

Annie:There's a transfer queen contest every year. It's like a pageant, but for people who've switched schools.

Annie:The winner gets a sash, a crown, and they're featured in the community college newsletter.

Annie:I was the transfer queen last year. It was the best day of my life.

Annie:And if anyone else wins this year, I will kill them.

Jeff:Why do you keep showing up whenever something goes wrong?

Dean Pelton:I'm the Dean. It's my job to be here when there's a problem.

Jeff:No, I mean... you literally appear. Like I summoned you or something.

Dean Pelton:That's ridiculous. I have a very busy schedule.

Jeff:Then why are you here right now?

Dean Pelton:Because things went wrong.

Dean Pelton:The name is a bit awkward, isn't it? 'Greendale Community College Dance.' That spells...

Dean Pelton:We could call it the 'Pelton's Annual Gala Celebration.' That spells P.A.G.C.

Britta:I just feel like nobody understands me.

Duncan:You're doing it again. You're lying on a couch, talking about your feelings, speaking in movie therapy clichés.

Britta:That's what therapy is!

Duncan:No, it's not. Real therapy is awkward and uncomfortable, not a Woody Allen film.

Britta:This is our last session.

Britta:You dumbass.

Duncan:Mental illness is like a dinosaur suit—it looks impressive from the outside, but inside you're just a homeless guy sweating through a felt costume, wondering how you got here.

Duncan:This nomination could really help you.

Britta:Queen of the dingbats.

Duncan:The therapy is free.

Britta:Well, that explains a lot.

Duncan:You might want to be careful with that lipstick. It looks like a coin purse.

Chang:Jeff, we're friends, right? I need your help with something.

Jeff:No, we're not friends, Chang. But I have a proposal for you.

Jeff:How about instead of pretending to be friends, we just agree to be cruel to each other on a regular basis?

Jeff:It's more honest, and frankly, it'll save us both a lot of time.

Jeff:Ha!

Chang:That laugh was too much.

Jeff:We can talk about this maturely.

Michelle:You're right. I invented a medication for people who state the obvious.

Michelle:It's called Jeffanol.

Troy:Your mom's so fat, when she sits around the study table, she REALLY sits around the study table.

Abed:That is a good idea. We should rearrange the furniture.

Abed:I just realized I spend all my time at your place. I'm basically living there.

Troy:What? No, you're not.

Abed:I have a drawer at your apartment, Troy. A drawer. That's couple stuff.

Troy:That's just a drawer!

Abed:We eat breakfast together every morning. We have inside jokes. We finish each other's sentences.

Troy:Okay, those are just friend things.

Abed:Troy, I think we need to talk about what this is.

Troy:Oh, it's not you. Abed hates America.

Vaughn:Dude, did you know hacky sack was invented by a Swedish guy named Soren Kierkegaardsson? He was like, the greatest hacky sack player of all time. They say he could keep a hacky sack in the air for like three days straight.

Annie:I'm worried we won't see each other as much.

Britta:Annie, we have texting, email, FaceTime. Separation isn't dramatic anymore. It's just inconvenient.

Jeff:I was just... going to touch your hair.

Britta:What? Why?

Jeff:No reason. I don't know.

Jeff:You're so guarded. Like, emotionally guarded.

Jeff:See? You flinched.

Jeff:I didn't even do anything. I just moved my hand near your face.

Jeff:So come on, tell me I'm right.

Annie:I feel amazing! This stuff is incredible!

Annie:Wait... why is the room spinning? Oh no, I can't feel my legs!

Pierce:♪ Greendale, Greendale, where the students come to learn, We twist and shout in our underwear, as we take our turn, Welding torches burning bright, and our panties in the air, Greendale, Greendale, that's our Alma Mater fair! ♪

Dean:That was a venerable piece, Pierce.

Dean:By which I mean old.

Annie:I'm leaving with Vaughn.

Abed:That's the manic pixie dream girl trope. She abandons her life and responsibilities to follow a man who represents freedom and nonconformity.

Jeff:Wait, you mean Blade Thrustchord? I thought his name was Blade Thrust-cord.

Annie:I spent three hours last night deciding between two types of pens. Three hours! I made a pro-con list, I researched ink viscosity, I tested them both on different paper stocks.

Annie:In the end, I went with the one that felt better in my hand, which is what I knew after thirty seconds.

Jeff:I wish you two all the happiness in the world.

Jeff:I hope the rest of you get herpes.

Jeff:What's the Spanish word for your situation?

Chang:I don't know, I don't speak Spanish.

Jeff:Exactly.

Pierce:I spiked the punch.

Pierce:And here come the women.

Troy:You just got your ass kicked by two girls.

Pierce:You know, I think what really makes us special is that we stick together as a group.

Pierce:We've got the smart one, the black one, the one with the boobs, the old one, the crazy one, and... well, there's Jeff.

Abed:Everyone talks about jumping the shark like it's a bad thing, but that episode of Happy Days was actually really well-written. The show had already jumped the shark before that — it jumped it in season two when Fonzie started wearing a leather jacket to a school dance.

Annie:Jeff and Slater are getting back together.

Britta:What? No! That's terrible!

Annie:I was lying. I just wanted to show you how you react to everyone else's business before you even know the facts.

Britta:Where did you and Slater...?

Jeff:The library.

Annie:Well, it wasn't in the Conservatory with the Candlestick.

Annie:Oh come on, Britta. You're worried about couch hygiene? Have you SEEN the Dean's office bathroom? I'm pretty sure there's a civilization growing in there.

Britta:That's... that's different.

Annie:Is it though? Because I'm fairly certain the couch is cleaner than Dean Pelton's entire administrative wing.

Annie:What?! Oh my God, are you serious?!

Annie:That is so messed up! What the actual... fried chicken?!

Duncan:Hello Michelle.

Duncan:You know, your name reminds me of a cat. Michelle... like 'meow-chelle.' Purr-fect name.

Duncan:Who has my car keys?

Michelle:They're in the potato salad.

Duncan:Jeff and Britta had sex.

Duncan:They did the Star-Spangled Banner.

Duncan:And before you ask, yes, it's American.

Britta:You think you're competition? You're just a brief distraction from the real prize.

Britta:I'm not like Slater. I don't choose to be sexy and carefree.

Britta:I'm lazy.

Britta:It was so good, we should retire the furniture.

Britta:I won! I can't believe I actually won!

Dean:Britta, we haven't even announced the results yet.

Britta:I have something to say! This award ceremony represents everything wrong with hierarchical systems of validation and competitive achievement metrics. We should all reject these arbitrary distinctions and instead celebrate our collective mediocrity as equals!

Duncan:So... that was awkward. Anyway, you should really exfoliate more. Your skin could use it.

Troy:I ate the entire cookie... the whole thing. I couldn't stop myself.

Troy:My stomach... it feels like there's a tiny giant inside me.

Troy:Wait... maybe... maybe I shouldn't have eaten all of it at once?

Troy:Is the lesson here... moderation?

Slater:Wait, you love me too? What a coincidence. I also love you.

Slater:You know what else is a coincidence? We're both in the same room at the same time.

Random student 1:Jump!

Random student 2:Don't jump!

Random student 3:Roll to the left!

Random student 4:Yippee-ki-yay, Mr. Falcon!

Duncan:Yo, yo, yo. I'm Duncan, and I'm here to say / I rap about my rhymes in a major way / I'm British, innit, with my cup of tea / Crumpets and biscuits, that's the life for me / Big Ben, London, the Queen on the throne / Fish and chips, yeah, that's my home / I'm spittin' fire, but make it proper and tight / I'm Duncan the rapper, and I'm all right / Uh, yeah, check it.

Chang:You have problems, Duncan.

Duncan:Me? At least I don't have a thing for eating insects while wearing a diaper made of hundred dollar bills.

Chang:How did you—

Pierce:You're going to need a uniform.

Troy:A uniform?

Pierce:All my houseguests wear uniforms. It's in the lease you didn't read.

Jeff:You know what? I wish I could live two lives. One with Britta, one with Annie.

Jeff:Actually, you know what would solve all my problems? If you guys would all just get into some kind of weird group thing.

Chang:You know, this has been quite a year. I've learned so much, grown as a person, and really found my place here at Greendale. Sure, I got a D in biology, but I'm choosing to see that as a B-minus in my heart.

Pierce:Wait, who is this? And this person? I don't... I don't recognize any of these people.

Pierce:I went to this school!