Annie Edison

'slumdog millionaire over here' / 'that's borderline racist, i think'

Annie: 'Being younger does not make me inferior. If anything, your age indicates that you've made bad life decisions.'

Being younger does not make me inferior. If anything, your age indicates that you've made bad life decisions

Annie/Troy revelation: 'little Annie Adderall' / 'lost his scholarship by dislocating both shoulders in a keg stand'

Tú eres como Jodie Foster o Susan Sarandon. / Mejor que sea real a que sea lindo.

Voice command! [beep] / would you please use the buttons? / okay, grandpa.

[desk collapses] - ooh! ooh! oh, heaven. My.

um, all money is spending money.

But i had a 4.0 at riverside high, and i'm not looking down on this school at all, but i'm only here because of a brief addiction to pills that i was told would help me...focus, but they actually made me lose my scholarship and virginity.

Sorry you've been waiting 26 hours. It's just gonna be another five minutes.

Together: the fourth one blows.

i guess the cell phone number you put on the study group's contact sheet was fake, which i just learned in the awkward conclusion of a month-long text message affair with a dude from boulder.

i'll cleanse my palate while kevin rethinks his marriage.

i may be naive, but i'm not stupid. well, i may be stupid, but i'm not trying to look like i'm not. well, i may be a genius, but i'm not a lesbian.

your sheet music looks like a chinese takeout menu.

you're not very pretty, you have no boobs, and you can't do a basket toss to save your life, but you made a commitment.

so pick up your pompoms, pierce, stuff your bra, and get ready for the team bus to forget you at a taco bell, because life is tough.

can we get sued? - not sure.

maybe it was when i got boobs before everyb--

why are you doing a politically conservative high school shamefully outdated fight rap?

this isn't the real you. this is the arrogant jock that totally ignored the only people that truly liked him for non-superficial reasons but weren't allowed to say anything because their parents are bigots!

'scuse me! / i did it, i did it! / oh, yes, you did!

then i can mark you down as definitely being there From 7:00 sharp till upside-down spanish question mark?

i was so unpopular in high school, The crossing guard used to lure me into traffic.

she blew you off, huh?

remember when you pretended to be my backpack?

my appendix is bursting. - what? - yeah. yeah. my appendix is bursting.

you guys are sexual partners, right? - [forced laughter] us? no. no. he's my very good friend and i have appendicitis.

i want my nana's blanket back. do you--do you guys mind? i just--could you scoot over? it's--it's an heirloom. i want it...back.

i don't care what you think. for me, that was huge.

[giggles] I don't get it

They say it makes you lose weight, and your skin looks really great when you do smoke

Those people look just like us. That's eerie

I only got 8? / She got 8. You got 0. It's a debate, not American Idol

Maybe Simmons is right. You really are all sizzle and no steak. You probably couldn't beat him if you tried

Really? / No, who am I, iCarly?

It's called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four

Like a spinster librarian with my hair pulled back

[giggles] Ridiculous. / Us. Kissing. That is ridiculous. / Totally

That way we can be more reproductive--productive!

Oh, you forgot your phone. / Well, I can get another one

Apu from the Simpsons

God, did I just say cross-burner? / No, you did not

i vote we all look at jeff at the same time.

wait, you are convincing!

he's sitting in jeff's chair, So he's trying to act like jeff.

if you love brownies, you love life.

here's brownie!

well, this isn't gonna be your mother's sexually transmitted disease awareness fair

catch knowledge

real...whatchamacallits... are nothing like bananas! are they?

we did it to madonna's erotica on the floor of his walk-in closet. but he wouldn't let me look at it. and he cried after. and during. he's gay now. i think he was gay then

we have to break into his office

oh, i had it wroooong! is that considered large?

i like being repressed. i am totally comfortable being uncomfortable with my sexuality

a giant thumb in a turtleneck. whoop-dee-do!

It sounds like 'penis.' I just got it too.

Yep. One might even say I'm jewish.

I'd say the whole word next time.

We know you were one of us.

And then you move to vermont.

Say the whole word!

I get 72 virgins in heaven. - No.

You can start by rooting for jeff While he rolls around on the ground Groping another man. That's what I'm gonna do.

While he rolls around on the ground Groping another man.

Britta cheated? But why?

Gimme back my bra, annie. - I'm not even wearing a bra. - Oh!

And because I love crosswords.

Ace? You can do that?

And one french kid named lebron. That's profiling.

Well...Nobody's that stupid, right?

Holy crap. Wow. It says here some guy in seattle went nuts And killed his entire driver's ed class With a meat tenderizer.

Would you prefer 'imbecile' or 'incompetent?'

This is greendale, jeff. We can do whatever we want.

Because... You're jeff winger.

Abed, ew.

It's like math or other regular classes.

I did.

Could you open the back door?

Well, jeff acts as sort of the dad of the group, So emotionally this is kind of like being told That you're our new mom.

Ooh! You people? What do you mean, you people?

I have no idea How someone could do what you're about to do.

Tea for two? There-there're five people. Shh!

The other day after Spanish, I thought he was trying to hold my hand, but he'd just mistaken me for Abed.

Troy, you're being weird.

Hey, guys, thanks for getting involved in my love life. That was super cool and mature of you. Oh, and since you're both clearly idiots, I should probably let you know that I'm being sarcastic.

You're not my mom, Britta. She would never wear boots that go up that High.

Vaughn wants to show me a cloud that looks like a pumpkin...

Oh, now it has arrows. That's safe.

I guess when he said, [in a gravely voice] I'm gonna git you, [cheerfully] uh, he meant chocolates.

Cutting the gristle off his steak As ruthlessly as he cut off troy and pierce's dignity. Ew! Now he's eating the gristle.

Hey. Moustache. Get me a juice box. Now!

Women's sizes run slimmer. I'm sure you're a 12 everywhere that it counts.

Well, nice fix, Tweedle Dum and even Tweedler Dum

It's just like the notebook, accept, instead of alzheimer's, Abed has-- ahem! Someone who likes him.

So you guys are gonna can't buy me love me, right? We're gonna what you? You're gonna can't buy me love me.

That's so uncomfortable when they do that. I can't believe it doesn't insult them.

What are you doing? - I'm being myself. Go be yourself by jenny.

What the hell was that? A different version of me. I think it was a vampire.

I understand--I need to change who I am... To someone more likable. No, no, no, no, sweetie. It's not about changing. It's about learning. Learning to change?

Don draper from mad men. What'd you think? Weird. Awesome. Put your tongue in her ear.

Don't be him. He cheats on his wife. Be somebody nice, like mike brady. He always had that housekeeper throwing herself at him, And he never made a move on her.

Oh, my god. It's a white abed. I-I-I--it's like abed, but employable.

So does that make abed 'brown joey'? If you want to get racist about it.

I'm back. Without booty. Now I feel sorry for you.

I'm back. Without booty. Now I feel sorry for you.

You're gross! You did it with her? Yeah, but not twice. I wanted to do it twice.

You're gross! You did it with her? Yeah, but not twice. I wanted to do it twice.

You're faster than some bacteria.

You really suck, you know that?

Rich just showed me how to make a flared lip on my pot and check for breast lumps.

I wanna kiss you on the mouth. I'm sorry?

Oh, abed, you're so silly. I'd be the bad-ass.

Your whistles. Oh! Oh, okay.

Between the two of us, I'm sort of the bad-ass. You are? Uh, how do you figure?

Mornin', boys. I'm annie edison. People call me 'psycho' Because I had a nervous breakdown in high school.

My partner's a christian housewife. Can we help you?

I tend to play by my own rules. She loves rules. I only have one. Stay out of my way. Stay out of mine more.

Star-burns doesn't do very much. I guess fascinating people Don't resort to growing shapes on their faces.

That's what my high school friends called crazy.

Edison. the man you're looking for Is jeff winger. I didn't recognize the voice.

Holy mary, mother of pearl. What do we have here? Looks like enough tiny items To equip an amphibious mariachi band. Of frogs.

Stop, or I'll shoot! I said stop!

He got away because of your driving, grandma. Oh, I beg your pardon. Hannah montana!

Who can confirm that? Your mama.

He specifically asked about me? - Mm-hmm. - Sure. When Annie brought you up, he specifically asked, 'who is that?' Abed. - Oh. - What? That's what he said.

Isn't that right, Annie's boobs? Please rename that thing! And this time, not with a contest on Twitter!

I got a 'b' on my nutrition final, And I am celebrating with pie and a dollop of whipped irony.

Discmans are retro. Oh, is retro when you're 30 And broke and can't afford an iPod, Schmitty?

So what's the context For constantly referring to me as a lesbian? If the wallet chain fits.

When you found out I was Jewish, You invited me to a pool party That turned out to be a baptism. Well, excuse me for trying to sneak you into heaven.

You're the Schmitties. No, no, we're minors. Yeah. I'm calling the cops.

He's a pawn.

Checkmate, bitches.

And tell the drama club Their tears will be real today.

Yeah, you be the cool guy, Jeff. And next fall when that gets lonely, I'll be in the front row of a Spanish 103.

Monday through Friday, 6:00 am. 6:00...

It's obvious from your name your parents smoked pot.

'That's true.'

uh, I'm friends with Hannah too. The whole class is. And you can't have an exam without a class. Right, guys? We love Hannah! We love Hannah!

Finally. Thank God. Hope he transfers to hell.

And there's a vote, and if you win, they put a crown on your head, and I am so jealous, Britta, I want to murder you.

Just did my first keg stand! Ha ha! Can't feel my legs.

I spent three months researching backpacks before I chose the one that I use now. I don't want to be that person anymore.

And psych! But they will get back together if you don't stop competing with her and start communicating with Jeff.

During paintball in the study room with colonel mustard.

I've seen you shake the Dean's hand. Who knows where he's been?

Holy macaroni with pepper Jack.

You're reading Troy's Twitter page where he posts everything Pierce says? 'Oldwhitemansays'? It's hilarious.

Hey, did you guys see Toy Story 3? - Yes! - Oh, I love Toy Story 3! - Hey! - Aah! - Hey! - Hey, Toy Story... Britta!

We technically frenched. I checked the make-out meter in this month's issue of... national review.

'Half a hat'? That is so offensive! I love 'oldwhitemansays'.

Narcotics! I know how I know Alan! But I'm not allowed to say.

Like charades? - With this group? I'm watching.

First he said it was 69. I wanna rub purell on my brain.

I am the smartest one in this whole group, and all I've been used for is bait and distraction. Ohh! Go on your stupid mission. I hope it sucks.

Oh, I don't know what to do. My whole brain is crying!

Oh! We all got chloroformed! Somebody chloroformed all of us. And now we're regaining consciousness together.

He hasn't cried yet, and from what I've been told, that's not normal. / Who's normal, Abed?

Everyone likes pelicans. They bring babies. / - that's storks. / Oh, right. Well...we still like them!

You know guys are giving you money because of the whole sexy schoolgirl routine. / - I have a routine?

And if a guy wants to make a puppet of me, that's hardly your concern.

Bitter much? / Say 'Bitter much' Much? / Say say 'Bitter much much' Much?

It's not my fault. I used to wear a back brace. That's why.

I like need you to save the pelicans. They're all feathery and pelicany. I wuv them.

How do you know it was our design? We submitted it anonymously. / Whoops.

It's no big deal, as long as I'm standing near a door. In close situations, I get a little nuts, and I don't know, you know, what's... no, no, no!

I set it up. I called city college about transferring, and the Dean told me that he would get me in if I helped sabotage Greendale's launch.

I respect you all enough to let you hate yourselves, but I respect myself too much to let you hate my school.

I think a mountain lion jump down and eat someone's grammar.

So you guys bought one of my outfits and then staked out my apartment every day until I wore it?

That's not pathetic.

Am I right? Bring it in for a boob bump, ladies. Uh... Nope? We'll get there.

She lost her glasses. I've never seen you wear glasses. Yeah, I usually wear contacts, but I couldn't find them... Without my glasses. Which I wear.

Well, if you're further in back, less people will see your roots. Oh, the way you excuse your little moustache hairs?

It's called a muffin top, Abed. Like a muffin? Clever.

It's just kind of a guilty pleasure to hear it about... certain girls. Like Meghan and her friends, because they're bitches.

Yeah, and you're really good at it. You're like a machine. - Like Robocop. - Exactly like rowboat cop.

Sharice is a bad rowboat. Sink her. Affirmative.

It's like the whole campus is a gutter and we're just spraying it clean.

More relatable?

We passed 'sorry, Annie' eight pens ago!

Accidents don't just happen over and over and over again, okay? This isn't budget daycare.

It's not a pen! It's a principle.

Lockdown! Abed, seal the doors. Nobody leaves until this pen shows up.

Abed just became my hero. Can I have a little... No!

It's a pen now? Really? It's not a principle anymore now it's a pen? Why the change of heart?

Don't you usually wear the stripey turquoise beetlejuice numbers? What does she mean 'usually'?

It smells like a Waffle House sink!

That's how stupid Jeff thinks other people are.

I'll just blow off walkin'! / I'll just blow off standing. I'm just blowin' everything off! / Maybe I'll blow off talking language. / Blee Blu BLAH BLAH BLAH BLEE BLU blu blah...

history of something / It literally says history of something.

Math. / Math? / Uh-huh. / Do you mind if we sit in? / Not at all. Right this way.

He went into that blanket Fort! / I think he went this way! / Do you see him? / Oh, sorry. / Sorry.

Isn't that him playing the trejdeksnis?

Course I shot him! He was being dishonest. And if there's one thing greendale's taught me, it's--

People aren't playthings, Annie. / [quietly] No, they are not.

Annie's got a gun.

We only sang the last two words. What happened to the 'happy birthday' part?

Last week we had fondue and played Boggle because Shirley's niece took her first bath

Douche Street.

No, but I also haven't been to Beirut. But I'm sure I will go one day because I hear they have lots of important cultural...

So she's a drifter. A floater. An urchin.

Who probably has really bad credit and an unfinished mermaid tattoo.

Corpus Christi, Texas. 78418.

Just drifting, floating. Spitting in the wind. General waywardness.

Back in Corpus Christi, they call me Capricious Caroline.

It probably means I'm too busy living life to be learning $5 words.

I gotta go see a woman about the female equivalent of a horse.

Plans just fall off me like chicken crap off an armadillo.

Bitter shallow hipster, sweater matching socks, Christmas needs more presence than a haircut in a box.

Get what I did with the word presence?

But, Abed, today is December 9th. It's the last day of classes.

Is it the guy that looks like Anderson Cooper but with a soul patch and the ponytail? / No. / Is it black Michael Chiklis? / No. / The white George Foreman? / You guys are talking about the same person.

Chang the subject.

He has a landline and uses the word 'album.'

Right? Britta, you're always talking about how it's weird we have no one of Latin descent in our group. / Si.

And, Pierce, you're always looking for someone old enough to find your racism subversive.

Pierce! Drugs doesn't say that.

I do physical comedy. Funny dances. Foreign accents. Name any country. Russia.

How could you think that was a good idea? I got a better question. How could it not be a great idea?

There's a rapist in the hallway. That's my landlord. And if he wanted to rape you, you'd be raped.

Every dollar from the Period Fairy when I was a kid. Excuse me. What's a Period Fairy?

The fairy that gives you a dollar every time you get your period. Does she still come?

This crap hole is a monument to self-reliance. I found the drapes in a dumpster. Can you believe it? Yes.

they told me the procedure for selling eggs takes three weeks. You save your eggs for a rainy day.

By the way, is this your pen? I...think I put it back in my pocket after I wrote you that check yesterday.

You sick, sick, sad old man.

It's cool, and when you play it, it makes you happy... Like a dragon

You are a human warrior, which is five species classes greater than I. That's disgusting. Don't talk like that

Pierce? What was that? Gum. Why aren't you chewing? Because I'm using my mouth for this dumb conversation.

Okay. I know that wasn't gum. You're right. It was an awesome exit pill. Zip! Zop! Zooey! Bye!

He's recovering dude can moonwalk! Besides, he's a baby boom. They invented drugs. Yeah, they also invented TV. Have you seen him control one of those?

But Pierce is our friend, and the Barenaked Ladies are triple platinum... Are you? Why does everyone leap to defend that band so aggressively?

And maybe BNL has two Billboard awards to your zero. Oh, okay. They're... they're BNL now. We use shorthand for the Barenaked Ladies. That's how fundamental they are.

Maybe we all need some space to pull the knife out of the back of the most celebrated Canadian alt rock band of the mid-nineties, you selfish, jaded ass!

This...is a fight! We...are fighting!

So like...Would you change clothes in front of her? If you have to ask if it's homophobic to ask questions, haven't you already answered your own question? Have I? Don't know. Not a homophobe.

Hey. Hi. I'm not a lesbian. Oh! I'm not either. Oh. But it's cool that you're friends with one. Oh.

Page isn't a lesbian. She just likes hanging out with Britta, because it makes her feel cool to have a lesbian friend. But...Britta's not a lesbian. She thinks that Page is.

Pierce? You go straight to hell! Wh... Ha... Oh, I'm sorry, Annie. I...I've been... I don't know. I've been going through all these mood swings lately.

Remember when he had the hiccups and pulled the fire alarm?

Hi. Hey. Hi, I'm Jeff's dad. Hi. Hi, Jeff's dad. I'm Britta's dad. What? Why? I don't know. Got drunk, didn't have a condom, and her mom gets freaky when she hears oingo boingo.

Oh, God, I wish I could relate, but much like my son, I'm a closet homosexual. Don't apologize for that. You're talking to the guy that banged Britta's mom. I have no standards.

Well, what do you say we take a tumble? I'll put on a wig. That's it. You're under arrest. I'm an undercover cop. It's not illegal to be gay. It is here in Iran. Not when we're in the green zone. That's Iraq, stupid. Well, what do I know? I'm Jeff Winger's dumb, gay dad.

Are these... are these blood diamonds? Are they holocaust diamonds?

You forget my birthday! You don't invite me to your Dungeons and Dragons games or your secret trampoline! You guys think I'm some kind of a joke! This isn't disproving the theory!

I figured out your test. Crowns, presents, punishments, favorites. You're trying to show me the dangers of my own elitism. My constant striving to be the best. So I'm requeathing this tiara. Because if I become the kind of person who thinks it's their place to pick favorites and torture the rest, I'll die sad and alone. And that's what you were trying to teach me. Very good, Annie. You pass. She's actually just my favorite.

Well, news flash, Jeff. Some of us care about more than just fixing our hair and sculpting our abs.

Real nice.

Well, if I see one, I won't.

The assailant known only as "the asscrack bandit" will be brought to justice.

No matter what you're told... We have to clean the mold!

Read my lips... No matter what you're told... We have to clean the mold.

My presentation is a copy of Jeff Winger's 1997 audition tape for MTV's The Real World.

We've all been 19, Jeff, and none of us did this. None of us.

Pierce, you're not usually so poignant. Well, Vicki finally lent me her pencil.

Well, I wanted to get the baby a doll and since the father might be Andre or Chang, I wanted all ethnic bases covered. So there's a little African-American girl.

And there's a very nice letter from the manufacturer promising to expand their selection.

Oh, is everyone enjoying their egg rolls and/or Mieliepap. A traditional maize porridge popular in Ghana?

You know, you really shouldn't say 'you people.' / Oh, it's okay. Pierce was having trouble quitting offensive phrases cold Turkey, so we've created a bargaining system.

Can you imagine the expression on Abed's face when he walks in? / Of course we can imagine it. It's always the same.

After they get frightened by the evening news, many seek the comforting foods and soothing music of a pre-racial America.

Who Indeed: A Critical Analysis of Television's Who's the Boss?

He refused to drink Pinot Noir because he thought it was French for 'black penis.'

You said if we didn't, you'd slash our tires.

I don't want to get corn-holed on the bar tab. Pierce, you can't just throw around a term like that. Corn-hole. Corn-hole, corn-hole!

Pierce! Troy was molested! Cool.

I know, but I was remembering around that part.

That was adorable and magical. He thought everything was claymation. Yeah. But everything wasn't.

Pierce, you can't sneak up on me like that. When I'm startled, my training takes over. Hello! Ki-yah!

The long looks, the stolen glances, the general atmosphere of 'would they, might they?'

Student immediately complies and sits down after paper ball suggestion

You have a booger. / I know. It's part of me.

We came so close to having one class that wasn't all about them.

I need to take a class, or read a book, or shadow a nurse, or at least have my mom hug me first.

Who exactly is the bus in this scenario?

Christina 'Reach-y', I said kick.

This is paintball.

Are you talking about the handsome blond cowboy with the big guns? Is that guy a student? Who--who is he? We just call him the Black Rider. Okay, but he's not really riding anything.

You talkin' about peeing, right? - No. - Me, neither.

Stop trying to fluster me with your handsomeness. You're creepy. Then why is your chest getting all flushed? It's a rash. I'm allergic to beans.

I got a better look at him. He's not that good-looking. - Didn't he shoot you? - He tried. He's a bad shot, too? Man, what does this guy have going for him?

Pierce loaded your gun with blanks.

So once again, I'm the bad guy. Yes. Well, he got to win last year.

That's this group's favorite thing. We're always nice to you, Pierce. Wrong. Wrong! Three days ago, I walked in on you guys playing cards without me.

We weren't playing cards. We were voting, and you weren't invited because we were voting about you. We were taking a vote... On whether we'd invite you back to the group next year.

Lucky for you, it had to be unanimous. There was one holdout. One red card.

I was paid to be here and win the game so my boss could keep his prize money. You work for the ice cream company? Sweetie, this thing is so much bigger than you can even imagine.

Stop trying to be Han Solo. It's making me embarrassed for you.

Watch it, Quasar face. Annie's a good kid and a better shot. So listen up, or you'll be floating home. Thank you, Abed. Sorry. Han.

For a no-good, laser-faced, jabba scoundrel. You're good, kid. Don't get cocky.

Will you still be Han Solo after we die? 'Fraid not, doll. Once I'm gone, I'm gone.

Your mother's lover. What? What? I win!

Since when are you in favor of playing it safe, Han? Cool down, Annie. I was only Han Solo because the context demanded it.

And now he'll come slinking back in five, four, three, two...

Troy: 'It's probably the monkey that lives in the vents. I named him "Annie's boobs," after Annie's boobs.'

Reaction beat: Annie's horrified reaction to monkey being named after her anatomy

Annie: 'Wow, you've really thought this through.'

Jeff mistaking Professor Kane for Pierce's rap artist friend Sugar Cube

Well, I guess they share one important feature in your eyes.

I can't believe Jeff attacked a table with a fire axe and still only managed to be the second craziest man in the room.

And meet Kofi Annan, Boutros Boutros Ghali, and Will.I.Am. Boutros Boutros Ghali?

We're friends. Yeah. Good friends. Grown-up friends. Yeah. So. We're friendly.

Noooooo! I think the lesson here is that I need to win this! I want to win! And you! You suck! You're a stupid, ugly poopface! I'm better than you!

If embarrassment were bountiful zinc deposits, I'd be Zambia.

Can't keep doing this forever, kiddo. Can't we? Nope. I can't, no. Nope, that's gross. That feels gross.

would it help if I said I farted? Annie, no. I can't let you fall on that sword because... I farted. No, I farted. I farted.

I need to catch up on Breaking Bad, so... I'm so sorry. I have a developmental disorder.

We go boy-girl, boy-girl. But everyone has to have a different hair color. And be from a different high school. And be a different race.

You're just a good grade in a tight sweater. You're just a bad grade in a tight sweater.

Not to be unchristian, but that boy sucked. Aww! And his dumb baby! I know! On and on. He wouldn't shut up.

Super cool. And sexy. Super sexy cool. Overselling it.

You don't have to treat me like a kid anymore, remember? Yeah, but adults still need to be protected. I-I can't help but worry about you, Annie. You're important to me.

And she ripped into his torso, like a gerbil shredding a quaker oats box, sending chunks of viscera and an aerosol mist of blood all over the skanky concubine.

She kept it attached to the optic nerve, so he could see down her throat, to his own partially digested flesh in...Her...Stomach.

That was the gayest crap I've ever heard in my life. Yeah, Jeff. What the hell? Why are you always so determined to have us relax and put down our weapons?

Well, what kind of sociopath doesn't offer that information, like, an hour ago? No, no. I'm no sociopath. I always know what I'm doing is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like taking tests, doing work, or getting yelled at. So if you think about it, that makes me the sanest person here.

We should never make the Britta of Britta-ing each other's feelings. You're using it wrong. Wow. You Britta'd 'Britta'd.' Yeah, way to pull an Abed. I don't get it.

I'm going to sue the pants off that lady. - I don't think that's a lady. - And why do you want his pants off?

Greendale's first annual... gay bash.

Rainbow, bitches. We can have peanut butter or chocolate chip.

I can excuse racism, but I draw the line at animal cruelty. You can excuse racism?

How old are you guys? The question isn't how old we are... But when old we are!

Oh, you met spaghetti!

Britta, don't make jokes. You're bad at it.

Man children... Can't live with them, can't leave them alone with your tape.

Britta, I don't see what your taste in men has to do with my situation.

Is it loosey-goosey or goosey-loosey? Is that hyphenated? You know what? Don't tell me. I don't need to know.

Bro...Heim.

You broke my pluggy thing.

Including the literal hoops you put in front of the toilet.

You have them arranged by size instead of color, but-- What did I say?

Troy scraped me when we were fork-jousting last week and I don't think it's healing right. Oh, Abed, that's infected.

It's supervisor, and I'm right behind you

So... basically the star

The dean is going insane and taking all of you with him. If you know that, then do something! I'm doing everything I can. I only have so many cameras

The dean is a genius. He has to be. If he isn't, I've given almost two weeks of my life to an idiot. That is unacceptable. Therefore the dean is a genius

Are you by any chance familiar with Stockholm Syndrome? Is it something that the dean created? Because if not, I don't care

Is this about your buttered noodles? - I didn't say that. - Yes! - Into your face!

Buttered noodles.

And--and then we just have to record fake exclusive commentary by Christian Bale. Go ahead, you first. This scene was a special challenge to all involved--

Oh, my God, you guys. We've been robbed!

Our captain was killed on duty last night. My God, I'm so sorry. Yeah. Good man--leaves behind two kids and a pregnant wife.

It was gold-- white gold-- with emeralds. And my name engraved in Hebrew. It was a bat mitzvah gift from my Nana. She was a rockette. She married a count. He was blind. He loved her for her mind.

Well, maybe he stepped on it by accident and felt really, really, really bad.

But I wouldn't mention it to Abed. That guy's pretty ruthless. And that's coming from Batman.

I wouldn't call an unannounced visit from your pastor 'a gift.'

You're not taking both of them? Well, one's dead. - What?

Not liking glee club doesn't make us bullies, and implying that is reverse bullying.

♪ Won't you be my daddy? I'm a silly Christmas baby ♪

Now where am I going to get my cappuccinos and Sarah McLachlan CDs?

Color me lavender. 'Lavender' means 'impressed.'

You once convinced Troy that turtlenecks were made of turtles' necks.

'Webster's dictionary defines'? That's the Jim Belushi of speech openings... It accomplishes nothing, but everyone keeps using it and nobody understands why.

Remember that temper tantrum he threw when Adam Sandler 'stole' his idea for Jack and Jill?

I'm very psyched for the new semester. Or should I say... Intro to Human Psyched.

He spent New Year's locked in our bathroom with a bad Tom Hanks from Cast Away. / Abed was the volleyball?

Chang, they're just acting!

You look like a friend of mine. / You're friends with Moby?

They're tenting our building for termites, so we're homeless. I'm staying in the sleep study lab. All I have to do is wake up every three hours and go... And I get two credits.

My brain starts getting weird this time of night. It's 10:00 a.m. You're welcome.

So you can vote? Actually, no, because technically I'm only a week old. Aww.

Wait, since when do we have lockers? Uh, since registration day, 2009. Jeff, did you skip the Preorientation Freshman Welcome Seminar and Diversity Fire Circle?

'We're only allowed to bring one stuffed animal. I'm bringing Ruthie... But using her pouch to sneak in Nathan.'

Save Garrett? What's wrong with Garrett? Nothing now. We saved him.

Gesundheit. I didn't sneeze.

I totally predicted this in my High School newspaper column 'Britta unfiltered.' Unfiltered. I get it. Get what?

Kim's no longer with us. She died two weeks ago. What? Sorry to drop that on you and run, but there's a rally for Garrett. But we saved him. Did we?

You think that's what an apology is? A spell you cast on another person to make them forgive you? Apologies are opportunities to admit your own mistakes.

I thought I was teaching you a lesson about all the girls you dominate and then ignore. Not to waste your energy on some weird, cloying, hypersensitive stalker with a girl's name. Hey! You are really mean. Put it in a letter, Jane Austen.

A health care administration student, who turned the storage room into a sanctuary for soldiers with broken glasses and lightly grazed testicles.

'Jeff, just heard from one of Abed's soldiers that you gave an identical speech to troops at Pillowtown. WTF? Sad face. Special icon of a downward thumb.'

'You can buy special icons and packages at the app store. Piece of Sushi, birthday cake, stop sign, snowman, umbrella.'

'Birthday cake, birthday cake, unicorn, woman's shoe. How's the nurse thing going?' No response.

I don't understand. Uh, Andre much? Okay, I understand. I don't. You will. What's that mean? He's hung. Oh, God!

You're gonna change your shirt? Not if it's working. It's not working. Yeah. You're right. I knew it.

I'll have what she's having. Hey, grow up, lady! Annie! His shirt wasn't working!

This is junkie talk. You just wanna know where your phone's hidden.

That's right, Britta. It's a banana. Why is there a banana in your DVD cabinet? Read the banana, Britta. 'You are a lying junkie.'

You're a sister to me. Britta! Whoo! Hey, little sis, do you think you could trust me to have my phone back now?

I secretly switched Blade's number in her phone to my number. So if she tries to get in touch with him, it'll come to me. That's diabolical. Yeah, you're just like Blade, man. Straight up.

And she is so codependent! And such a bad speller.

Step right up! Ding, ding, ding! Get your popcorn here. Hello? Busy, babe. Blade, just wait. Wait, Bla... I told you not to call me at work!

You weren't texting Blade, you were texting us. I switched Blade's number in your phone to mine. You tricked me? You tricked me!

"Kevin, please come over for gay sex." / "Why wouldn't you use 'Karen'?" / "'Cause it's gay sex, dummy."

"You just keep turning left, but you end up up!"

"Oi, gov'ner, quantum spammer, up an' at 'em, in'it?"

"Can't we play something I know about like hospital administration?"

"Abed, it's cardboard tubes and a funnel."

"King of toilet paper rolls over here."

Annie forcing empathy on Abed as a process step

"Oh, my God, I broke Abed."

"Were we... doing it?" / "Are you being Jeff?"

"I'm a surgeon!" / "And I'm your administrator!"

"We're just in love with the idea of being loved."

"Star Wars. Zardoz, Cougar Town, cool, cool, cool." / "Pop culture, pop culture. I'm on a TV show. Meta, meta."

"Did we have a space odyssey? No, we got snowboarding in the Olympics and we over-validated Carson Daily."

"That poor guy." / "Yeah, cry me a river."

"You've got the body type." [for yoga]

"Don't you mean 'whenever that is'?"

"You'll blo-gon me for this later."

Annie's bedroom makeover disaster and the guys' traumatic reaction

Why don't I just get pregnant at a bus station?

You let me handle the nitty gritty

We named the yam 'Pam.' It rhymed

A hero doesn't call himself a hero. A hero gets called a hero because of what he does

And I gotta tell you, Todd. Couldn't find a thing. Not one little smudge. Except, of course, for one pesky yam that just wouldn't grow

Is that why you hit your wife? Withdrawn. Is that why you drink and pop pills? Withdrawn. Are you a virgin? Withdrawn

Defuse the I.E.D. of dishonesty

Booyah! That's how it's done! ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

It's just a stupid yam in a stupid jar

We're all fully-grown adults failing a kindergarten project.

Boiling water is the icicle stabbing of yam killing

This yam isn't boiled. Vicki?

As a psychologist... Student. I hereby offer my licensed... Unlicensed. Services as a grief counselor. Grief causer.

the doctor... Not even close. Is in.

What's heaven like? Uh, I don't know. Glittery.

Is it true you made out with Britta? I don't see how that's relevant.

Name any other stage. What are you, my final?

I can do it. Whatever.

Greendale has warped me like a Barbie in a microwave.

Our school flag is an anus!

And the cherry on top on this total lack of sundae...

Edison out.

Wait. There are other timelines?

He's usually, you know, adorable weird, like mork from ork, but, since we got expelled, he's been creepy weird, like present-day Robin Williams.

I mean, he's certainly the craziest one of us, but, you know, we're all kind of crazy-town banana pants.

Just don't eat anything or drink anything, and no sweating or bending at the elbows, and no chairs with backrests, and if you take it off, wooden hangers only.

Yeah, he's just unique, like a snowflake who gets bent out of shape when you mix up Star Wars and space treks. / Or a serial killer's signature.

We had lockers. / We're survivors.

How are you? / Why do you ask? 3:30. / Uh-oh.

That's what I'm saying! My hair looks good, though.

ooh. Well, what's free? Can we have a torch? - Thief! Thief!

Pierce taught me poker. I'm not good at it.

Jeff bet all our lives on Britta and won, and I lost my pants to a pair of nines.

Boys are pathetic. Two days of facebooking with this Joshua kid and he's eating out of my hands.

Sorry, not 'play.' 'Render imaginated dreamscapes.'

My biology final is at 5:00. / I'm available from 3:00 to 4:00. / I'll see you in court.

Is that the cold-blooded former colleague that got you fired from your old law firm by ratting on you to the state bar? Tee.

Oh, no. Have you been watching Dance Moms again?

Oh, there's 12 additional thumb tacks on that board. They're driving me crazy.

I mean, it's progressed, but it hasn't progressed-progressed. It's progressive.

I'm gonna be here forever. Forever. Forever. Forever.

This is why we can't just text about it, Jeff. I don't watch sports.

Pretty freaky-deaky, huh?

You're not watching TV. - No, I'll be watching Annie. She started watching Cougar town re-runs, which makes Annie my third favorite show

Maybe Pierce isn't doing so well since he lost his father and then his inheritance in a video game battle with Gilbert, an illegitimate half-Brother he never knew he had. I guess I've never said it out loud.

I'm sure as stuff not your sexy little ring girl.

Can it, ham. She's also my ride.

Don't. That's not nice. - What? He was a tight-Fisted, philandering bigot who got to outlive most Bridges.

Pierce Hawthorne's ideas for ladies? Oh, please. Blonde, long legs, with tennis racquet. Asian rockette. Big boobs, redhead, but doctor, question mark. Oh, he's not 100% on that one?

I hate reference humor.

You're on your own, Al Capone.

You bear a striking resemblance to Inspector Spacetime's Supervillain Thoraxis.

This is the first time I've stayed in a hotel without a number in its name.

I will enjoy the... Jeff won. I know.

Now, remember, we're just a couple of Captain Warphead fans. Nobody will even notice we're here.

Will you come with us? Where? Why? When?

My husband doesn't do carbs. But he would like a scotch.

The good kind.

It's for my husband. He really needs the diffuser for his hair. It sounds shallow, but he's a lawyer.

I've married you at least a half a dozen times. And Troy. And Zac Efron. Mostly Zac Efron.

If there were more people in the world like Annie, we'd all be speaking vietnamese right now. - [Gasps in shock] - That was my war. I had flashbacks for years. Pierce, you moved to Canada.

Hey, apropos of nothing, what's that sound you make when you see something shocking? - [Gasps in shock] - Oh, yeah, that's it.

This whole time, we thought the Germans were the Germans. But it turns out, we're the Germans.

Why don't you call it a 'quadrident'?

'Are those real?' My aunt's boyfriend.

How am I supposed to keep track of what you tell me in confidence and what I hear through your walls with a glass to my ear?

These walls are entirely too thick.

Why did I have to go third?

That makes no sense. Science tells us hitting his head would only cure him if hitting his head was the original cause.

In an investigation, one dude always has to go opposite the other dude. That's how they get things done. Well, you guys can work it out. Yeah, we will. No, we won't.

Garrett, here he comes. Get up. I can't. It's too heavy! Garrett, now. Now.

This is Houlihan. I'm her partner, Partner. Wait, I'm Partner. No, you're not.

A spike in production in June, at the peak of milkweed allergy season? Something on this trout farm was starting to smell... wrong.

Well, looks like everything checks out here. Right, Troy? No, Houlihan, I don't think anything checks out here.

A lot of filmmakers use crane shots to elicit emotion. What the heck, Abed?

Why can't you ever make a documentary about the thing you plan to make a documentary about?

Walking Dead has left the building. Resume operation, Deadliest Catch.

Physical education education? I thought that was a typo in the course cartalogue.

I want that to be my thing now. I don't think you can do that.

Diggity doo? My God, what have we done?

I had to hitchhike home last night in a burrito truck. It's not as fun as it sounds.

No one deserves to be mocked for being mock-locked in a mock locker.

Really? Your plan was to throw a dance honoring the singer of damn I wish I was your lover? And as I lay me down, which in my opinion is the far superior song.

That's exactly a competition. So it is. Only for the loser.

She's like one of those quirky girls from the movies. I saw her in the cafeteria trying to pay for lunch with a song.

He's on two dates, isn't he? He certainly is.

Wait. This one's real, right? Yeah, I'm really sad. Aww.

Okay, this awkward silence has been going on for days.

Granted, Jeffrey looks amazing when he broods

Who are we, Jeff during sex?

Can we go back to studying now? Square. I don't like this game. Me neither. I think it's mean. There's no point. Yeah, it's insulting. Okay, stop. Square.

Abed, a pop culture reference is more of the same.

♪ Pierce, bring your dentures ♪

That's international airspace. We're literally above the law. Jeff can marry any man he wants.

Has anyone else noticed Professor Duncan hasn't been around for a long time?

And I thought my hair looked fake.

Your skin is so beautiful and soft. It's like felt.

Those berries made us real talky but not real listen-y.

We're in the clear. ♪ We're in the clear ♪ I'm a genius! ♪ We're in the clear ♪ Yeah! ♪ We're in the clear ♪

♪ I let Cornwallis rub my feet to give me all the answers to a test ♪

I brought a few things just to make the place look a little less short-term corporate housing.

Just a few things to add a little Annie.

Sha. Sha-na-not.

Let's just live with them for a night. We can totally return them. Oh, let's totally return them.

That's a lie they tell dumb people when they're fitting them for work boots.

Tom Waits was... Ah! Ow. You cost me Valedictorian. He cost me Valedictorian. That was my punch.

Professor, you were never tied up.

No, stupid, a gift doesn't create an obligation. It's the obligation that's a gift.

Professor Cornwaaa-- He didn't even finish signing his name.

[Low] Annie is the three. That is what 'respectively' suggests.

Both: I deserve to be number one! Sorry. Or me! Sorry.

It means we're taking an old man down. [Gasps] Ooh.

There you go. My work here is done. You're one and two again. Now, you can direct your anger and resentment at each other. Congrats. - Classic wrap-up. - Shut up, Leonard! I've got a picture of your old nose! - It was a lateral move!

Holy--makes no sense whatsoever. Whole thing took 25 minutes tops.

How do I balance straight As, extracurriculars, and Israeli folk dancing every Friday night?

Then I drink your milkshake.

You guys gotta see my Juno.

Ooh! Uh, that's also a type of math.

I'm the damn Valedictorian and head of student council and president of campus crusade for Christ. And I'm Jewish!

You just go wherever they tell you to run. I'm sorry. Do you go to my school?

Hey, doc. By the way, someone just stole your prescription pad.

Also, and I hate to bring this up, you did once make me pee myself.

So what you're saying is that we're all each other's Uncle Ben's murder. And we're all Spider-Men. Yeah. Let's say I'm saying that.

What did you end up majoring in? Education. You had to win, didn't you?

When's the graduation ceremony? Never. It's community college. You just send in some papers and they stop charging you.

You always do.

Starting to sound like a wedding. Not a wedding. Just your average, low-key diploma signing, to which you're all cordially invited, tomorrow afternoon.

Tomorrow? Is that enough time to plan a whole wedding? Absolutely. I'll get my book.

I think it's because you're scared to take this law job with your old partner. But don't let that stop you from graduating. Take the job, don't take the job. Either way, your friends are always going to be here to support you.

Did you shoot yourself too? Every time.

We're sleeping with Jeff there. What? We are? All the time. And he loves it.

Nobody sleeps with Jeff. Not even me.

I've been counting bullets. One of us is out. Is it you? Yes. Why would you tell me that? To sound intimidating.

[Excited squealing and cheering] when the study group reunites

I love hospital administration. - Is that your job? - Well...not yet. But I administer things to hospitals, like these. Pen? 'Futurza'?

They invented fibromyalgia and the cure for fibromyalgia.

Relaxabrex doesn't make you give up on your dreams. That's a side effect.

At least the drugs I sell don't get slurped out of my belly button. That's only on Tummy Tuesdays!

You staged a robot fight?

You don't have to rub it in. - What I saw today was embarrassing.

When I asked you to explain the Sixth Amendment, you pled the Fifth! - I know my rights.

Maybe Nicolas Cage is just... crazy. - All actors are crazy, Annie.

He gave you a dead rat? - No, this is my witness intimidation project.

Think of something safe like Holly Hunter, or Don Cheadle!

Et tu, Brute? Am I using that right?

Minuses are made up! It's riot time! Yeah! Bring me their heads!

I would like to address the fact that there are no Asian-Americans represented here. - We can get Chang. - No need to rush into anything.

He should be called 'the run-on sentence bandit.'

Taking it easy is how Troy ended up with a quarter of a buck in his crack.

Okay, squeal.

I mean, why mix metaphors? Ants don't have butts.

The student that attended can vouch for him.

We're friends!

We have stables?

Since faking his death to escape meth charges, Alex 'Starburns' Osbourne has been living in the stables, eating garbage, and trying to build a cat car.

Will you guys please stop doing that? I can't believe you did it during your eulogy. So uncomfortable.

Once you reach level 16, you can see the color blurble.

I padded your share of the rent by $10 and I've been putting it into a savings account that yields 4%. You'll be thanking me in six years when you find out you have $86.

That's a stereotype. / Was that anti-semitism? / No! That's sensitivity. It's anti-semitic to do things like that when you know full well you're Jewish.

You're Olympic pole-vaulting hopeful Brent Underjaw?

Universal translator demo: 'Cool' translates to 'Bueno' and vice versa

Oh, announcements! Announcements! Oh, I love these. Whoo! Announcements!

A school that's on 911's blocked caller list

Hey, seat feet! Chair to dance?

Then you just admitted that's where you'll be. That's the same as imagining the floor

Knock, knock, Britta. I'm not gonna say 'who's there?' because someone on the floor is knocking

Who's there, bitch? Floor!

I'm better at sex than Jeff, right? I've yet to have anyone worse

All I ever wanted in high school was for Troy Barnes yo notice me, and then I ended up living with you

Oh, Professor Pushpin! Jerry, Carlo, Crazy Schmidt. I'm Annie.

Lower flag for Reagan's death?

Game on, baby.

Did Mr. Whitney in woodshop make that for you guys?

Flushes like a DC-10 turbine. Probably exceeds code, but what's wrong with a little friendship between departments?

That's not what it is to people that lose their pets, people that need rides, people whose bad bands need bad bass players.

To them, every pushpin has the power to change the future.

I want everything to get through that porn blocker. Everything!

Yeah, should we write a check to the Jeff Foundation?

Okay, so it was about our marginalized perceptions as drones being born into a corporate hive-mind?

It's like toast bossing crackers around

I've never felt more alive

Say 'Hitler' and I'm giving you a two

I know that's your one talking

I'm sensing an emergency collage situation.

I'm Tiny Nuggins, a thief, and the rest is gibberish.

Hey, I didn't scamper in the jungles of Nicaragua and I won't do it now.

Times Square?

I was best man at that guy's wedding... Your friend says you just got married. Congratulations. Too bad about the food.

Come on, between you and me, which one do you think is yours?

I also don't think they can handle being apart. And I think they just found a way to avoid doing either.

Jeff, can you hear us? It's Annie.

I wrote a paper on those dogs.

Just ask Chris Brown or China.

Wait. You don't call your bread 'buns.' What do you call them? - Bread. - Bread is a substance. What do you call the units of bread you use, 'breads'?

And that's Russell Borchert. - Borchert, Borchert, loved computers... Yes, yes, 'More than women's butts or hooters.' Very mature, you two.

Buried treasure! Lock the doors, close the blinds.

I have a girlfriend. - What? - You were about to start a kiss lean. - I was not.

534?

We almost killed Fat Neil. That was Garrett.

Abed's not comfortable with C-H-A-N-G-E. Hey, screw you. I can spell.

Our friend used to sit there. She spun off.

Yeah, but how much can you improve Greendale before it stops being Greendale?

She called Annie a bitch. She implied I was a bitch. She implied Annie was a stuck up bitch who thinks she's better than everyone.

I second Britta's motion, not movement.

I third Annie's number two-ing of the movement Brita made. Gross.

No. Those are secret committee pretzels.

Britta, it might help if every burnt sandwich didn't come with a self-aware burnt sandwich bit.

No, you're repeating what I said. Oh, I'm a time traveler?

They consider me a competitor because of my natural stealth and ambivalence.

Well, he's really got his teeth in my flesh right now. Okay, he's touching bone. I'm just waiting for him to finish up. Not a lot I can do at this point.

A bunch of clocks with different times on them, a red phone, a big tabletop map with little Nazi tanks, and, or a Godzilla.

I mean I could declare it a. Cookie room! / There are no cookies. / There is a situation.

No. No. Bad!

See what hope does? / Screw you, Frankie!

Victory. / You know, within the context of Greendale.

Jackpot, relative to Greendale. / My God, look at the course load, this dog was an animal.

And dragging this dog's name through the mud? That's worse than dishonest. That's evil! / Evil? / I'll cop to silly.

Somethings are silly and evil, like candy cigarettes. And remember when Flava Flav had that reality show? / I don't own a TV.

I am a female student being physically overpowered by a male teacher. / Damn it!

Hope and $1.49 will get you a candy bar. / Buck 79. Are you serious? / Jesus!

You hoped. / I hoped and it worked. / Hope points.

We were cast as Mr. Miagi and the Karate Kid, because we're a good team! / We're a team, because one of us is so talented she got cast outside her gender and the other one, got cast because of eye shape.

Let's say you're right. And like Sidney Poitier or Meg Ryan before you, you were cast for race.

I was kind of born to act, Britta. When I do it, I can feel it pleasing the universe.

That's dramatic. / See?

Lead? You played Danny LaRusso. / Well I'm the Karate Kid. / The Karate Kid is about Kesuke Miyagi.

If any of you go, you're supporting abuse. / Oh, dial it back, Annie.

He replaced me with Annie Kim.

I'm speechless. / I forgot Chang was up there. / Me, too.

Nice grammar.

You're a coucher.

She sleeps on the couch. She's a coucher.

There's no government to overthrow here.

She's a coucher! I sleep on a couch!

Before this is over, you'll beg for my forgiveness.

You had my blood tested for amphetamines? You were extra jumpy last spring. We had to double check to be safe.

How does the tigers survive without food or water? Oh, it's not cute, Annie.

She's dead.

Better. In celebration of Elroy's life peaking in the early 90s, The Ears have it.

What's the age allowance on The Ears Have It? Seven and up. Then I'm six.

We know you have your choice of friends and we thank you for choosing us.

I got up to make nachos and Elroy said, that was not-cho job. And we laughed. Then he made them for me. It was more than word play. It really wasn't my job in his eyes.

Because that's moon man talk.

I can't ask any questions right now. Because all of the questions I have right now are rhetorical and they end with the word idiot.

Who would have predicted Chang becoming famous? Technically, I did, remember? Only, I thought it would be for... Eating someone, yeah.

I think we all just feel a little short changed.

I can stand guard if you wanna use the women's room.

The movie about the Ham Girl guy, in his space office fighting some Gagoos, led by Chris Pratt type, played by Jeffrey without his shirt.

Okay, but I get final cut, and it has to be a good movie. Agreed, but you have to finish that cut by Monday, even if it's bad. I agree to that, but it has to be good by my standards. Absolutely, and also, if it's terrible, nobody will notice or care.

Scorpio Nine, I'm a pleasure droid. No, I'm an assassin? You're both, keep going.

You make everything harder for all women when you do that. I'm improvising. Improvise pockets.

That's your daughter. Yeah and you said we were sisters, dumb ass. It's hot. It's like Chinatown in space.

Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with hair clippers. Pink Floyd. Oh. You're the worst.

Are you always thirsty and fatigued and you have blurry vision and your cuts heal slower? Those are actual diabetes symptoms. That's what the doctor said.

Oh, this is one of those things where Jeff gets jealous of something dumb.

Basic my ass, that's advanced.

That sounds like a real name, not the name of a grifter and therefore, not a teacher. My name is Slick Pockets Tucker. No, it's not.

Jeff, you really need us to say it? You were... Eh, whoa, whoa, yeah I need you to say it. Let me just get settled. Okay go. You were right.

The next person who says grift is gonna grift! My god, now it's replacing other words.

Because, oh, my god, Jeff is making this up as we go.

Annie, right? What? It's not a judgement, it's about biology.

We're sorry that charging our perfectly normal cell phones destroyed your weirdly fragile RV. Okay, I'm sorry about that apology.

I forgive all of you.

You forgive us? You turd!

Okay, this is like crate training a puppy. Everyone suppress every instinct you have to let him out and sleep in bed with us.

Aah! Don't move, don't move! What the hell else are we supposed to do? Flashback with me.

Spy, assassin, mercenary, bad person walking among us laughing, laughing quietly. And then if we look pretending that he was looking at something funny.

If you don't put that silly thing away, I swear, I'm gonna stop loving you. Oh, that's it. Happy birthday.

We're making footage like that for me in case I get kidnapped or murdered.

But if we're both cleaning then there's nobody to explain why.

We're an intensely, intimately bonded crew.

That beleaguered sigh means, no, I can't have black nails.

Please don't Jim the camera like that.

You need people whose flaws feed into each other. It's what do you call it? Co-dependence. Synergy.

Am I that bad? We have the same dragon. Eventually you will slay it, or train it, or dissolve in its stomach. Its name is Helping Others.

Please. The only credit that it's hard to get at Greendale is from a bank.

Why doesn't the audience feel sorry for me? Britta, your parents have been murdered. By whom? The police won't touch it. They're calling it a double suicide.

I can't count the reasons I should stay. One by one, they all just fade away.

But I'm grown up and I'm hot, but not little girl hot.

They are so not a big deal! I know! It's just all there is!

They are so not a big deal! I know! It's just all there is! Yes, and you get to say that!

Oh, I'll regret the kiss for a week, I'm in my 20s. Who cares?