Critical Film Studies

Abed:That's a nice sweater, Jeff. Very dad-core.

Jeff:Thanks?

Abed:I mean it as a compliment. You look like you're about to ask someone if they've considered a reverse mortgage.

Jeff:Abed, you're being weird.

Abed:No, I'm not.

Jeff:Exactly. That's what's weird.

Jeff:I got you a gift that references a popular movie, and I'm aware it's a reference, which makes it ironic and therefore funny, and if you don't appreciate it, well that's just—

Pierce:My knees are killing me. And not in a fun way. I think I've got a blood clot. No, wait—it's worse. I think my prostate is swollen to the size of a grapefruit. I can feel it pressing against my spleen. Or is it my pancreas? One of those things. I'm also pretty sure I'm having a stroke on the left side of my body. I can't feel my left ear.

Annie:Abed is going to be so surprised when he sees what we planned!

Britta:Annie, Abed has watched every movie ever made. He literally predicted the ending of Inception before the opening credits finished. He's not going to be surprised by anything we do.

Shirley:What's in the briefcase? What's in the briefcase?! I'll tell you what's in the briefcase: my business. My Shirley's Sandwich business! I've been running this operation for years, perfecting my recipes, building my brand, and you have the audacity to question what I'm carrying?

Shirley:You don't know me! You don't know what I've sacrificed, what I've built! This briefcase represents everything I've worked for!

Shirley:Oh yes, it's a lovely film about some very polite gentlemen who work in the import-export business. There's a dance scene that's quite tasteful, and everyone speaks in such measured, respectful tones. It's essentially a feel-good movie about friendship and business networking.

Pierce:That Jeff thinks he's so smart with his stupid perfect hair and his stupid perfect face...

Jeff:Pierce? Were you just talking to yourself?

Pierce:No! I was... uh... singing. A song. That I wrote.

Abed:I went to the Cougar Town set and realized something profound. These actors, they're playing characters who live in a fictional town, but those characters think their world is real. And we're watching them, thinking our world is real, but what if someone's watching us right now thinking we're fictional?

Abed:So either Courteney Cox is living in a simulation, or we are. Or everyone is, and nobody knows.

Abed:I'm not okay. I think I need help.

Annie:You know what's weird about nostalgia? We're basically mourning the time we didn't know how bad things were going to get.

Troy:Wait, wait. Even if you give me all your tips, we still gotta report that to the IRS. You know how much paperwork that is?

Britta:It's like fifty cents a shift, Troy.

Troy:Fifty cents?! Do you know what the filing fee is gonna be?

Troy:Yeah, Britta's broke. Like, really broke.

Shirley:Mm-hmm. Girl needs to get her life together.

Jeff:Hey, so tonight we're all getting together for something really special. It's going to be absolutely... flibbertigibbet.

Jeff:I mean, it's going to be the most flibbertigibbet evening you've ever experienced.

Jeff:You know what I've learned? Human conversation is just a series of interruptions and misunderstandings punctuated by awkward silences.

Jeff:It's like watching ants.

Jeff:They bump into each other, make noise, and accomplish nothing.

Jeff:Pshhhhhh. Bzzzzzz. Click click click.

Jeff:That's basically every conversation I've ever had.

Jeff:You know, it's like when someone lies to themselves. They tell themselves a story, convince themselves it's true, and then they actually believe it. That's the thing about self-deception—

Jeff:Wait. I'm describing myself, aren't I?

Jeff:Look, the key to lying to yourself is commitment. You have to really sell it. Like, if I were to call a phone sex line and pretend to be a woman named Brenda with an hourglass figure and a disturbing obsession with tax law, I would have to fully commit to that character. Not that I've done that.

Troy:Jeff's having a fancy dinner with a beautiful woman...

Troy:They're sharing an expensive bottle of wine...

Troy:Candlelight, soft music, rose petals on the table...

Troy:He leans in close and whispers something romantic...

Troy:She laughs, they kiss...

Troy:Then he pulls out a tiny violin and plays it...

Troy:The waiter brings out a cake shaped like Jeff's head...

Troy:They're dancing on the table now...

Troy:Wait, now they're just eating regular sandwiches in complete silence.

Troy:I was just... I was curious what was in here.

Troy:Chang made me do it! He said if I didn't open it, he'd tell everyone I cried during a dog food commercial.

Troy:It was a really emotional commercial, okay?

Chang:You know, Troy, you and Abed have a really special friendship.

Troy:I will stab you.

Troy:You're preaching to the choir, man. I love surprises!

Chang:No, Troy, I just ruined the surprise.

Troy:Exactly. You're preaching to the choir.

Jeff:I got mistaken for a girl in that costume, and you know what? I kind of enjoyed the compliment.

Pierce:What are you guys, a couple of gays?

Waiter:So I'm thinking we do the whole thing like Casablanca. You know, 'Here's looking at you, kid.'

Jeff:No, no, no, we're not doing Casablanca. We're doing nothing. We're leaving. Now.

Abed:Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool.

Troy:Why does this taste like... grown-up juice?

Diner Owner:What if I pay you to keep her fired?

Jeff:Done.

Jeff:You're doing another movie spoof, aren't you?

Abed:It's not a spoof. It's a homage. And it's relevant because we're in a study group that's falling apart, just like the team in this movie. The mise-en-scène parallels our emotional trajectory.

Abed:I'm like a combination of Zooey Deschanel, if she were a dude, and Holden Caulfield, if he didn't suck. Actually, I'm more like Batman if Batman was lonely and didn't have cool gadgets or a butler.

Jeff:I need you to keep this quiet. A tight, heavy lid on this story.

Abed:T.H.L.? Tight Heavy Lid? That's not a good acronym.

Jeff:It doesn't have to be an acronym, Abed.

Abed:Everything's an acronym.

Jeff:Which market are we talking about here? The stock market? Because these prices are insane.