Surprise Party

No, her birthday is the second weekend in May. / That's Mother's Day, honey. / I don't think so.

Maybe Roland's house. / Listen to the words coming out of your mouth.

Oh, snap, David! Talk to the hand, son, because the ears are no longer working.

Cancel your trip, Alexis, because the travel agent is out of the office.

It's so uncomfortable when he does stuff like that. / No. Absolutely not. I feel so weird about it.

It's so uncomfortable when he does stuff like that. - No. Absolutely not. I feel so weird about it.

Chicago's Best Deep Dish Pizza Tour

But, babe, you're going to a veterinary conference in a Chicago suburb, and I think that's... That's really important for us.

I'm sure you're from a really solid home and... / David. / Understand. / I'm gonna slap you in the face.

David, you and Mom literally ruin my life.

Well, tempting, but it's gotta be something fancy and elegant. You know, black tie.

Roland's entire confused conversation about understanding the plan

There is no fundraiser! / Right. No fundraiser. / It's pretend! / Pretend. It's fun time.

It's a cake. / It's a torte.

It's a cake. - It's a torte.

And wake up chained to a pole in a trucker's basement? Not today.

Okay. Well, when you put it like that, it makes me sound ridiculous, um, which I'm not.

Roland's entire butchered invitation delivery

I'm here to personally invite the two of you to a annual... Elegant dress-up event that Jocelyn is hosting.

The... With the mouth... Cleft palates.

It's hard to look at those kids and all that, I get it. But you know what? We'll dress them up, too.

Well, who says I can't do both?

You had a bug in your hair. - Oh. Ew!

I was on the board of some of the most profitable non-profits, from San Francisco to London.

Jocelyn, you must stop being intimidated by me. It's unnerving.

Oh, fuck!

because I think she's going through something right now. I don't know. Something with her body.

Something with her body.

My God, she had Hillary shaking last year at the Clinton Foundation dinner.

Well, that was the exit to Elmdale. We've gone too far, we've gotta turn back!

The Doctors Who Uncleft The Mouths.

Do you people know what the word fundraising means?

David, I'm sorry, but it's coup d'etat time.

No, seriously, I might leave. - Okay, last warning. In three. Two.

Okay, well, how do you think I got these glasses from the gas station?

Oh, my God, I raised a thief. Go wait in the car!

What! There's no fundraiser?

Oh, never in the history of surprises has one been so delightfully blindsided.

Yeah, so I need to apologise for my behaviour earlier. - Mmm-hmm. - I think it's just that this whole friend... - It's that lady time, huh?

It's that lady time, huh?

Is that okay? - Uh, I normally only slow dance with strangers, at bars... - Right. - After I've had a few... - Uh-huh. But, um, I can make an exception.

Uh, I normally only slow dance with strangers, at bars... After I've had a few...

Um, did you have to kill a man to get it, or... / I did.

I wore this thing to prom, like, 1,000 years ago, but it did bring me some luck that night, so I wore it here tonight.

I wore this thing to prom, like, 1,000 years ago, but it did bring me some luck that night, so I wore it here tonight.

I love my party, John. But please don't ever do it again.