The Affair

Well, that's not very helpful, John. You're the only one using the sign-out sheet.

Because you're the only one using that sign-out sheet.

I can't take four hours in the truck with Roland and Lynyrd Skynyrd.

If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it's that a mother puts her own mask on first.

Ah, see, and that's precisely why we have the sign-out sheet.

Under purpose of trip he writes 'driving.'

I want to see the look on your face when you walk into your first regional association of municipalities conference.

I won't wear anything with an adhesive backing.

You mean the one serving drinks to the other people?

Well, now you've identified the catering staff.

I mean, it's really kinda scary that we're all in here under one roof.

If there is anyone at this fabulous little confab who know how to work a room of fragile egos, it's me.

I once hosted the non-televised portion of the People Choice Awards.

That's like 53 pounds.

I'm currently studying business and I'm David's sister and life coach so.

I'm sorry if my hands are too soft. I've just been sampling a lot of product.

Well, I was simply channeled someone who cares, but if you insist on referring to me as the linchpin. I'll take that.

Yes, I'll I'm the ingenue here. A total babe in the political woods.

They have a special RAMC cocktail. It's a sparkling white Russian. The trick is to get it down before it curdles.

Uh, that is actually cat hair. There's a Himalayan breeder up the street that knits them for us.

Because I was just thinking that this frame is a little too corporate for my brand.

Okay, well I flattened out the lip balm. So no one's gonna notice.

Actually, the textbooks now say eighteen months.

Well, I don't have my textbook on me.

The cheering and accolades are drowning out your gentle voice.

That's my man, Johnny!

Goodbye, phone call!

Roland! What are you doing in my room?

Well, what the fuck are you doing in your room?

Are you naked under there?

Honey, what I do in the privacy of my sheets is my own business.

Roland and Moira, sleeping together.

And we probably shouldn't read anything into the fact that for some reason, Moira decided to hide this from you.

It's just that I know what it's like to be in bed with a naked Roland Schitt, and I am powerless against that.

It's called sweat equity, David. I learned about this week.

I think you might actually need to break a sweat, in order to earn sweat equity.

Okay, what if I got Patrick to break a sweat for me. That's called outsourcing, outsourcing...

He's a business major who wears straight leg, mid-range denim. He's not into me.

I know, wasn't that funny?

Obviously. I didn't tell you anything because I was embarrassed.

Moira, that's my beer! You don't even drink beer!

It's symbolic, John.

I um... I actually picked out that frame.

I am 99.999% sure that nothing happened between me and your wife.

I spent 35 minutes this morning inspecting every inch of my body for bite marks, back scratches, lipstick prints.

My wife would never go out for a burger when she has a strong penchant for steak.

I had my one chance at a proletarian oasis and I squandered it, passed out Roland a bed.

Do we call him uncle Roland?

I just want you to know that no matter what anyone says, you will always be our first dad.