The Olive Branch

Wake me when it's over.

Less shock, deeper depression.

caroling in front of mom's wig wall?

Or the reindeer room.

unfortunately, Ted and I will be unable to attend

everything on my list requires pre-order

somebody needs to find the menorah

I'm a delightful half-half situation

It's like the 12 Days of Christmas, but it's 1 day with 12 bottles of wine.

I'd burned that bridge in Ibiza

Wow. So, what time is the Ghost of Christmas Past coming to visit you tonight?

Ooh, burn, David!

Nana Bud worked real hard for those.

Do you have time to mood-board a color scheme? - Does anyone? - No.

Look at you in that flouncy apron, you little Christmas Elf!

I'm gonna take that as a compliment, even though everything inside me's telling me that it's not.

But instead of cookies, it was whatever we could find in our parents' medicine cabinets, and instead of a Christmas party, it was an old boot factory in Krakow.

Well, I, I did get up at the Krak-ow dawn

they have all agreed to give you one last chance... one... more... final chance.

What if I missed chest and back day?

your cool, scary, judgy friends

that's just 72 more cookies to make, then.

And the protestors, shouting at the flatbed truck as it made its way through our front gates.

What you're smelling is actually our holiday-scented car ornaments. They can be used in the car, or on your tree. Sold separately, of course.

Oh, I'm sorry, by special, I meant higher price, because of demand.

2 gestures for $175.

It depends, are we talking emotionally?

I hear Peter Fundraiser. Bogdanovich loved a mink.

Oh, straight as an arrow.

Perhaps a Christmas gourd.

That was me getting on board.

That was me getting on board.

Nanna Bud worked real hard for those.

An... espresso machine. - You're selling coffee now? - Hmm... it's more for the staff room.

You're not helping, Moira.

Making it? I thought you wanted me to handle it? Like, work the door, make sure nobody gets in that isn't on the list!

Who's going out crashing other people's Christmas parties?

You didn't tell him? - Oh, my god. - Okay, I hate this!

everyone low-key hates me. - Uh, hate is a strong word.

the Jerry beads

I, for one, find it charming, in sort of a... a war-torn sort of way.

Looks like the other side has been charred, or something.

Why don't we just cut it up for firewood?

Why don't we just cut it up for firewood?

It's meatloaf night at the cafe, and if anything is screaming Christmas to me right now, it's meatloaf.

meatloaf night was yesterday. - Dear God, I...

Literally, Alexis and Stavros are on his father's yacht by now. Off to Capri.

David, last I heard he was screaming at Wolfgang. Apparently there weren't enough capers on the smoked salmon crudites.

Oh don't worry, I already gave them their checks.

I've already taken my Christmas pills, and bitter experience has taught me I have just 8 minutes to make it safely up the stairs.

I could've sworn it was Wednesdays. - It's always been Tuesdays.

And yet, here you are, eating yesterday's meatloaf.

it can, at times, be quite peaceful. - Well, it wasn't too peaceful this afternoon, I'm sorry to say.

It appears there's been a Christmas miracle, John.

We have spent a very long time gluing it back together. Scary amount of super glue. Seriously, nobody should light a match in here.

Seriously, nobody should light a match in here.

You know I hate to miss a good party.

Ted's vet friends are coming by later, and I have a sneaking suspicion they're a little bit...

You still thinking about that espresso machine, aren't ya? - Yes. Yes, I am.

I'd appreciate my invitation about a week in advance, okay? - Well, if I have things my way, we'll be making this an annual tradition, so you can save the date now. - No, that's way too far in advance, I can't make that kinda commitment.

I can't make that kinda commitment.

Oh, Jocelyn, surely the dentures have been dropped in the glass by now.

What, it's just nice. Nothing's happening. - Looks like you're crying. - Oh well, I'm not. It's just we're... - We ran out of red!

We ran out of red!

A bomb? - No, it's an antique tin. - For your wig pins.

Smaller, smaller, smaller.

Stickers! - Of old men! - No, they're stamps, from all over the world.

It's like being right back in Japan.

Last thing we want is to have the motel burn down. - Or is it?