Pregnancy Test

Season five Carrie Bradshaw, like, super professional and polished, but also like, chill and flirty in an impossibly expensive sort of way

You do know that this is your first day at Elmdale College, and not Vogue, right?

Okay, I think that says more about Jocelyn as a teacher than it does her students

Yeah, and you're already wearing your little gloves, though

This is the same college where Malala gave that devastating commencement speech, right? / I don't know, David, maybe he did

It's a pregnancy test. / Ewww! What?!

Well, it's a smiley face, so I'm assuming it's a positive result. / Well, that's presumptuous

Oh, are you serious? I was ready to stop after one!

I'm pretty sure she already knows it's a mistake!

Yes, I'll tell her she has no right to lay this financial and psychological burden on us!

Now she has to move into one of those homes for unwed mothers! / Oh my God, imagine? / I'm sure there are plenty of them on this side of the tracks. Let the nuns take care of the little stranger!

I am not in a place right now to be emotionally available to a baby

Okay, I'm sorry I'm not a condom

Because it requires a steady hand, and I'm going through a lot right now

Yeah, we don't sell that. / Bath salts? / We actually do sell those

Unclear. Unclear on whether I'm gonna make it through or not

You mean, the ones on top of your head? / And there they are

Well, you've cracked me open

To allow an unscheduled conception to occur!

Moira, I'm the one who's pregnant

Oh Jocelyn, Roland's not the father?

Miracles don't take reservations

I knew this was gonna happen! I knew you were gonna get way too involved in this

If I don't like it, I'll just give it up, and move on!

David and I were just in the back doing some inventory. / Yeah. / Hmm, yeah

David, did you give me a hickey?! / Okay no, I didn't, I gave you a-a half hickey, because we haven't had the time or the privacy for me to give you a full hickey!

If you give me $50 bucks I'll stand outside, and tell people you're on lunch. / I'll give you 50 cents to stand outside and never come back!

I'll give you 50 cents to stand outside and never come back!

Well, if you must know, work's been really stressful, so I'm going to take a little me time at a spa in Elmdale

And you might want to add a line item for prophylactics

So... I'm guessing the quad is just like, on the other side of the building? / The office is in there, make a right. / A 100%

Yeah, we couldn't afford in house photography, so we just used stock images. See? Watermark there. This is actually a still from 'Dead Poets Society.'

Oh, and like, um, an agenda. / Yeah, it's off by a day. So... I wouldn't use it

Oh, and like, um, an agenda. / Yeah, it's off by a day. / So... I wouldn't use it.

Okay, then I guess I would just like my money back, then. / Again, we don't give refunds

That's actually how I keep my side hustle going, part time DJ. Here's my card, in case you have any problems, or you wanna go on a date, or something

Here's my card, in case you have any problems, or you wanna go on a date, or something.

I noticed the line is a couple inches above where the whiskey starts. / I am stunned by your generosity

Hey, pony! Are you ready to go?

Yeah, just galloping around the woods, huh? / Yeah, with your 'pony.'

So you offering your apartment had nothing to do with any guilt you felt about harboring a little secret?

Look out!

Besides wanting to keep me as your husband? Am I right, Johnny? / Oh, I need to be a part of this

Rollie, how are you not getting this? / I'm pregnant!

I'm pregnant! We're having a baby. / Twyla, I'm gonna have the bottomless French Onion soup, and maybe you might wanna drop a little calamari on the table

Champagne for everybody, on me! / I can't drink, Rollie. / Oh right, you're driving

I couldn't be happier that this is happening to you and your family!

Given that we only have the apartment for one night. Maybe it's best if we... lock that box back up for now?

You know what, we didn't even get into your history... / Lock it up, David. Lock it up

Dad's trying to get me to drop out of college. / No, that's not what was happening! I-I thought we were talking about something else. / What else? / Oh, he thought you were pregnant

David, Alexis isn't... / No, it's okay. I mean, have your fun now David, because when the twins arrive, I'm gonna really need your help. / Um, that's a hard pass

Okay, but just picture them as like, tiny little roommates, whose tiny little poops you get to clean up!