Asbestos Fest

I had to be both puppet, and puppeteer.

Shoes, Glorious Shoes, the Imelda Marcos Story

Two Heads are Better. The one woman Siamese twin play.

Okay Moira, I just wanna slap you right across the face. Patty it is! Patty.

does 'TV's Moira Rose' send a different message than 'television's Moira Rose?'

Well, didn't it have an ensemble cast of 30? Uh huh, and what was your father's review? 29 dead weights!

The night Patricia Lupone ate that pre-show shwarma, and I was asked to step in.

you practicing every day for seven months with that dance instructor that I ended up dating

Skip Fosse once told me that when it comes to choreo, always leave some room for spontaneity.

No, you say, 'break a leg.' - Okay, that, too. - Say 'break a leg!' Break a leg!

We're going to ease in... with a machine gun ballet.

there was one that looked meth-y. And I don't know where he went.

The fact that we have youths minding their own business in front of our store builds... Street cred.

Yes! They're coming in, and they're buying gum. And what else are they doing, David? They're coming in, they're looking around, and they're buying gum. And maybe complimenting my outfits.

This is so old, and I can't even remember where I got it. Do you guys remember-sorry, where I got this sweater?

What just happened to you? Like, breathe it out.

Roland, what are you talking about? Well, you are gonna be thanking me pretty soon for saving your bacon, so I just thought I'd give you some gift ideas.

And I'm sorry, but we all know how Rose Video turned out!

Four teens, one pack of gum, which you gift wrapped.

Four teens, one pack of gum, which you gift wrapped.

It's the exact same move that I used with my klepto friends in the Hamptons.

Yeah, I mean, maybe that's what you and your burnout friends did at the Miss Sixty store, but that's not what's happening here.

maybe that's what you and your burnout friends did at the Miss Sixty store

if they're not selling it on the black market, then they'll need to come back and get the moisturizer, or their t-zones are going to be like, super effed!

Johnny, it's me! I'm the guy! I know you're the guy, I got that as soon as I said where's the guy?

Yeah, that's probably a good idea, I don't wanna commit until I know I like it.

So I need a machine gun for the machine gun ballet!

On my wedding day, I thought, what if I just got in my car and drove to New Mexico, and left Roland at the altar at the Elmdale Bingo Hall?

I got these at a boutique in Prague that's only open on Sunday nights.

I got these at a boutique in Prague that's only open on Sunday nights.

someone with your combination of skin should really be using product with tea tree oil in it

Don't do it again, and I won't call the Po Po.

Don't do it again, and I won't call the Po Po. - Did she say Po Po?

Well Johnny, how's it going to look to have the mayor of the town changing sheets?

And Jocelyn had to sell her Beanie Baby collection. And she didn't get half what that Diana bear was worth.

There is an elephant in the room David, and he's whispering, 'retire!'

I will eventually need my bed back.

even though somebody put down a really hefty deposit on a wall of mirrors!

It's the middle of summer. Brr! It's awfully cold out there.

Um, they used to do this act every year at our Christmas party, and you can't unsee something like this.

That's television's mom, to you.

nothing is colder than the chill I get when I think of the dangers of asbestos poisoning

Yes, I said faithful, which rules out all of you!