The Dress

Johnny discovering ice cold water after Moira's elaborate bathroom ritual

I'm currently reading a magazine from July, 1987.

So I just signed for this, so does that mean I get to keep it? Also, what is it?

Give a warm dobrodosli to my red carpet gown

Family, I'd like to you to meet a dear friend whom I've yet to meet.

I've been told definitively it will happen, and I quote, 'ideally sometime this year.'

What designer gave you that kind of discount? / Sadly, it's not custom this time around, Alexis. Mommy had to shop off the rack.

Fortunately, I discovered something called a 'promo code.'

I'm surprised she made it through customs.

I once passed off a mini horse and three Guinea pigs as service animals, so anything is possible.

TBD on the guest list, Alexis, but I love your enthusiasm.

I've been neglecting my wellness journey

I learned the hard way from my last trip to Japan. Showed up, no cherry blossoms, turned right back around, it was such a waste.

Wow, that's a lot of pressure to put on cherry blossoms.

Well, why else would we be driving to Elm Valley?

You had the dirty motel sex with? / Well, when you put it that way it sorta cheapens it

What, am I gonna walk around, and admire the cherry blossoms alone, like some pervert?!

You know what, I hope for your sake, that they have cherry blossoms in prison.

No, that detail actually slipped my mind, so maybe I'll just take it.

Old Shan out there. / Okay, first of all Alexis, she's not old, we went to vet school together.

Most people are a fan. So when someone's not, it's usually on them.

Yes you did, you little smooch monster!

Beep, beep! Paging Dr. Casanova J. Heartbreaker.

Yeah, it's funny because I actually am a doctor. / So am I... / No, you're not. Just-just Ted.

I've come up with the perfect excuse for you to buy yourself a brand new hot water heater! / Still waiting for the good news.

As soon we get uh, 'El Tightwad' here to loosen up the purse strings.

And when dear, did our room become so moist?

Yeah, it might be Johnny's aftershave. I'm-I'm sorry, it is pungent.

Two hours ago. / And we're sure this is the right hotel? / He's not coming. I'm an idiot.

He's not coming. I'm an idiot.

Oh, you'll be getting every round.

Can I get a 'hell yeah' for two hard-working women in the 21st Century?

Mmm! Muah! Muah!

Clearing the air about that little trip you two took to pound town.

Okay, let's remember this is still a place of work.

Okay, let's remember this is still a place of work.

LOL.

Okay, I'm trying to follow the video here, it says it's for beginners.

Well, not all of us can drive around in an 8 cylinder car. / It's a '78 Lincoln, and it's all we could afford! / Right, '78. Vintage.

Wow, for someone who can barely stand, she sounds good.

The student driver has my phone, and I have his. We didn't give them back to each other after we exchanged info.

Um, long story short, I took a pottery class with this one. / Oh, uh, I'm Emir. / Oh, Dane... a. Dana. / Dana?

I'm sorry dear, is your mouth moving? Could you uh, turn off the dehumidifier for a second? Because I can't possibly hear you over the sound of the dehumidifier!

This gown has exceeded all expectations.

Not with the price of ink today.

This dress is for the family. To remind us that our futures lie outside this town. It feels these days like I'm the only one who hasn't veered off course.

Yeah, I don't think that's relevant. / Ahem. 'Dear Melanie.' / Melanie? Is this the girl from the falafel place?

fal-awful saying this over text

I really... fal-awful saying this over text

'Cool!' Exclamation mark. / And it looks like you ended up walking her dog for her? / Well, she seemed really upset.

And that cute lil' butt.

And that cute lil' butt.

Oh no, I was, but then Tammy kept buying shots, and the whole room got behind me in like, a really big way.

Oh my God! Hello! Um, hi! Can I get another drink then, to the room, please? Thanks! / I actually just meant like, your mini-bar.

I actually just meant like, your mini-bar.

Oh no, I finished that.

Can you stop yelling, please?! I had 14 polar bear shots last night.

So before I send her back, take a mental picture. And perhaps an actual picture as well?

And those are the shoes we're going with? / What do you think? / No.