George quits his job in a huff after he is demoted to using the regular bathroom. Newman tells Kramer that he plans to jump off the building. Jerry suggests that George just go back into work next Monday morning and pretend like nothing happened; however, that doesn't work. Newman jumps, from the second floor. George plots revenge, and with Elaine's help, tries to slip his boss "a Mickey." Jerry suspects that his launderer is a larcenist after he discovers that $1500 he had stashed in his laundry bag is missing. Kramer helps Jerry get revenge by bringing a bag of concrete in to put into one of the wash machines.
Early Seinfeld finds its rhythm: 57 jokes in 22 minutes, driven by character escalation over punchlines.
Directed by Tom Cherones · Written by Larry David
WAR
43
Wins Above Replacement
“The Revenge” ranks #118 of 172 Seinfeld episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 74.8 — Great. The episode packs 57 scored jokes at 2.7 per minute, averaging 6.6 on craft and 6.9 on impact, with Jerry landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
Get weekly comedy rankings
Join comedy fans getting new analyses, score drops, and the funniest moments each week. Free, no spam.
Top Jokes
Boss: You know, I've been thinking about your performance here. You've got real talent for eliminating people.
Boss: How would you like to transfer to our collections department?
Jerry Dark/Subversive Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jerry: You know, the best revenge is living well.
George: I'm unemployed and living with my parents.
Kramer: He jumped off the little step.
Jerry: What step?
Kramer: You know, the step. In front of the building.
Kramer Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Jerry: They always say 'living well is the best revenge.' Have you seen a Charles Bronson movie? No! In a Charles Bronson movie, revenge is the best revenge. He doesn't redecorate his apartment, he redecorates the guy's face with a shotgun.
Jerry Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Jerry: Newman, if you're gonna do it, at least have the decency to leave a note.
Jerry: I mean, what am I supposed to tell people? 'Oh, Newman? Yeah, he killed himself.' No goodbye, no explanation. It's very inconsiderate.
Jerry Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 57 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Jerry: You know what's funny about criminals on TV covering their faces? They're worried about their reputation. You're a mass murderer! Your reputation is already shot!
Jerry Observational Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Jerry: You know, if you think about it, mass murder is just like office politics. You've got your chain of command, your territorial disputes, people fighting over resources...
Jerry: The only difference is instead of a memo about the coffee machine, someone's getting eliminated.
Jerry Absurdist Observational ★ Rewatch Boss: You know, I've been thinking about your performance here. You've got real talent for eliminating people.
Boss: How would you like to transfer to our collections department?
Jerry Dark/Subversive Absurdist ★ Rewatch Kramer: Yeah, we were up at Lake George, and I'm telling you, we made a video. A very personal video.
Jerry: Oh no.
Kramer: Oh yes. And we watched it back, and let me tell you, I had no idea I looked like that.
Kramer Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy George: You know what? I'm sick of this! I'm sick of you, I'm sick of this job, I'm sick of sitting in this office!
George: You're incompetent! You're a fraud! You're the worst boss I've ever had!
George: And your toupee looks ridiculous! RIDICULOUS!
George: I'm done! I'm finished! No more George! You can take this job and—
George: Actually, you know what? I quit! I QUIT! And if I ever see you again, I'm gonna—I'm gonna spit on you!
George Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Newman: I'm going to kill myself.
Jerry: Oh, please do.
Jerry Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jerry: What is it with you and threatening to kill yourself? Every time something doesn't go your way, it's 'I'm gonna kill myself.' Do you know how annoying that is?
Newman: Well, what do you want me to do?
Jerry: I want you to stop saying it! You're making my life very difficult. I'm not a suicide prevention hotline. I have my own problems.
Jerry Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jerry: You know, Newman, if you're going to do something, you should really commit to it. You start things and never finish them. But you know what? If you actually went through with it, I'd have to respect that. That would be the one thing you'd actually follow through on.
Jerry Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Jerry: Newman, I know you're going through a rough time, but suicide? Come on, that's not the answer.
Newman: Nobody cares about me, Jerry. My life means nothing.
Jerry: That's not true. Look, I care about you. We all do.
Newman: Really?
Jerry: No, not really. But that shouldn't matter to you. I mean, your life is already meaningless—why rush it?
Jerry Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jerry: I can't mix my laundry with yours. Your clothes are like gang members - they're gonna come out of the dryer looking for a fight.
Kramer: What are you talking about?
Jerry: Your stuff shrinks everything. It's like putting a fresh fish in a tank with piranhas.
Jerry Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jerry: It's like different gangs, you know? Each apartment has its own territory, its own colors, its own way of doing things.
George: Yeah, and when the clothes start mixing, it's like a turf war.
Kramer: A turf war? This is a full-scale prison riot! We're talking shivs made out of hangers, socks being used as weapons, a complete breakdown of the laundry system!
Jerry: It's not that serious.
Kramer: Not serious? I saw a pair of khakis stabbed in the dryer!
Jerry Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Jerry: You know your clothes?
Kramer: Know them? Jerry, we live together.
Jerry Kramer Absurdist Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Jerry: I have separate machines for different clothes. It's like I'm running a laundromat in my apartment.
Jerry: I can't mix the whites with the colors. What am I, some kind of fabric racist?
Jerry: And if a colored shirt even looks at a white shirt, I have to quarantine it. It's like doing laundry in a hazmat suit.
Jerry Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Jerry: You know what I've realized? George doesn't care about the work. He doesn't care about being good at his job. All he cares about is having access to a clean bathroom whenever he wants.
George: That's not true!
Jerry: George, you got fired because you were angry about the bathroom situation. You spent more time worried about where the bathroom was than actually doing your job.
George: Well, a man has needs!
Jerry Observational Character Comedy George: I'm going to go right to the top. I don't even want to start in the minors. I want to go straight to general manager of the New York Yankees.
Jerry: You can't just walk in there with no experience and become general manager of the Yankees.
George: Why not? It's not like they're doing so great. Maybe they need someone with a fresh perspective, someone who's not afraid to shake things up.
George Character Comedy Absurdist George: I'm a color commentator. I add color to the proceedings.
George: I'm like a painter, you know? I'm painting a picture with my words.
George: The people at home, they're not just watching the game, they're experiencing an entire canvas of emotion and insight.
George Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort George: Wait, wait, wait. You have to have experience to get a job? What kind of system is this?
George Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort George: You know, this is exactly what's wrong with the unions. They don't care about merit or ability. It's all about who you know and how long you've been in. I could be a great projectionist if they'd just give me a chance!
George Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement George: You know, I could be a talk show host.
Jerry: George, what are you talking about?
George: I'm serious. Someone told me I'd be good at it.
Jerry: Who? Who told you that?
George: A couple of people, actually.
George: How hard could it be? I'll just walk up to Johnny Carson and tell him I want his job.
Jerry: Yeah, that's a great approach. I'm sure he'll step right aside.
George: Why not? People do it all the time.
Jerry: What people? Name one person who walked up to a talk show host and got their job.
George: Well... there's gotta be someone.
Jerry Observational Absurdist George: I can't believe I quit like that. I just walked out. What was I thinking?
Jerry: So don't quit.
George: What do you mean, don't quit? I already quit.
Jerry: So un-quit. Just go back in there tomorrow like nothing happened.
George: I can't just go back in there.
Jerry: Why not? Everyone just ignores reality anyway. It's the key to life.
Jerry Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jerry: George can get away with pretending because nobody expects anything from him anyway.
Jerry: If George told you he was an astronaut, you'd be like, 'Yeah, that tracks.'
Jerry Character Comedy Observational Jerry: You know what I hate? The office greeting. You see someone in the morning, you say 'Hi.' Then you see them again by the coffee machine, what do you do? You can't say 'Hi' again. It's like you just said it.
Jerry: So you do a nod. A little nod. 'Hey.' Then you see them again by the copier. Now you're in trouble. The nod's been used. You can't nod again.
Jerry: So now you gotta do something else. Maybe a wave? A little wave? By the third time you see somebody, you're basically just making eye contact and hoping they don't notice you.
Jerry Observational Escalation ★ Rewatch Jerry: I'm running out of ways to greet people. 'Hey,' 'hello,' 'what's up' — I've used them all.
Jerry: So now I'm just making up nicknames. 'Hey there, chief!' 'What's going on, ace?' 'How ya doing, sport?'
Jerry: People have no idea what I'm talking about. But at least it's fresh.
Jerry Observational Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback George: What are you talking about? I didn't quit. I'm still here. I come in every day, I do my work, everything's fine.
Coworker: George, you told Mr. Pitt you were quitting yesterday.
George: No I didn't. You're crazy. That never happened.
Coworker: There were witnesses.
George: Witnesses to what? Nothing happened. I don't know what you're talking about.
George Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Bill: So how was your weekend?
Jerry: It was good.
Bill: Yeah? Do anything interesting?
Jerry: Not really. Took my nephew out on a boat.
Bill: A boat! That kid's a natural sailor! A natural! I'm telling you, that kid's got sailor written all over him. Sailor! He should be a sailor. That's a sailor right there. Natural sailor!
Bill Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Ava: I couldn't come in Friday because my car broke down.
Bill: Your car broke down? That's too bad. I bet you had to get under there and tinker with it all day.
Ava Bill Wordplay/Pun Cringe/Discomfort George: I'm not quitting! I'm joking! See? I'm joking!
Boss: You're not funny.
George: I know I'm not funny. That's why nobody laughs at my jokes.
George Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Mr. Steinbrenner: You called me a 'short, stocky, slow-witted bald man.' You said my brain was 'the size of a peanut.' You said I had 'the artistic sense of a chimpanzee.'
George: That's just teasing. That's what we do. We tease each other.
George Rick Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Dan: Well, I wouldn't say you joke around all the time.
Dan Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Rick: You're a winner! You're a winner! You're a winner! You know what you are? You're a winner!
Rick: And you know what he is? He's a loser! He's a loser! He's a loser! That's what he is, a big loser!
Rick: You're a winner and he's a loser. Winner, loser. Winner, loser. That's the difference!
Rick Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch George: I'm gonna get him back. I'm gonna do something so classic, so timeless, it'll make him regret the day he ever crossed George Costanza.
George: I'm thinking... I put a horse head in his bed. You know, like in The Godfather. That's what I'm gonna do.
George Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jerry: So let me get this straight. You're gonna slip Mickey Finns to women at a coffee shop?
George: It's foolproof!
Jerry: George, you look like Peter Lorre. You can't just walk around putting things in women's drinks looking like Peter Lorre.
George: I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna walk up to her and I'm gonna say it.
Jerry: What are you gonna say?
George: I don't know, something. I'll think of something.
Jerry: Well, let me know how it goes.
George: I'm just gonna do what I've seen in the movies. You know, I'll look her in the eye, and I'll say something charming and witty.
Jerry: That should work.
George: It's gotta work. It works in the movies.
George Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential Callback George: I know a guy.
Jerry: You know a guy? What guy? Where do you know this guy from?
George: Around.
Jerry: Around? George, you don't know any guys. You know me, and you know Bob Sacamano's father.
Jerry Absurdist Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Jerry: You know, the best revenge is living well.
George: I'm unemployed and living with my parents.
Jerry: Newman, you're not gonna kill yourself.
Newman: Oh yeah? Watch me!
Jerry: Newman, don't be ridiculous.
Kramer: I think he means it, Jerry.
Newman: That's right! I'm doing it!
Jerry: Newman, if you're gonna do it, at least have the decency to leave a note.
Jerry: I mean, what am I supposed to tell people? 'Oh, Newman? Yeah, he killed himself.' No goodbye, no explanation. It's very inconsiderate.
Jerry Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Kramer: He jumped off the little step.
Jerry: What step?
Kramer: You know, the step. In front of the building.
Kramer Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Jerry: Newman, I know what you're doing. You're not really hurt.
Newman: I am too hurt, Jerry. I'm in terrible pain.
Jerry: Oh come on. This is revenge, isn't it? You're trying to make me feel guilty.
Newman: I don't know what you're talking about.
Jerry: Yes you do. You throw yourself down the stairs and now you want me to suffer.
Jerry Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback Laundromat Owner: You see this sign? 'Not responsible for lost or stolen items.' That's not just a sign, that's a declaration of independence. This laundromat is its own country. You cross that threshold, you're in my jurisdiction now. I have no laws here. It's anarchy. It's beautiful.
Jerry: So the laundromat guy, he's got a license to steal. I'm like, what are you, James Bond? You're stealing quarters from people's dryers!
George: A license to steal? What does that even mean?
Jerry: I don't know, but he acts like he's on some covert operation. 'I'm going in. The laundry is secure. Quarters acquired.' It's not a spy thriller, it's a laundromat!
Jerry Absurdist Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Jerry: You know what your boss looks like? A fish. A big fish.
George: What kind of fish?
Jerry: A grouper. A big ugly grouper.
Jerry Visual Gag Character Comedy Elaine: I'm not talking about revenge. I'm just saying, if someone were to, say, pour a little salt in the gas tank, loosen a few lug nuts, maybe deflate the tires slightly...
Jerry: That's sabotage!
Elaine: It's not sabotage. It's just... automotive suggestions.
Elaine Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jerry: George is like Lex Luthor.
Elaine: What do you mean?
Jerry: He's always plotting, always scheming. He's got this elaborate plan in his head.
Elaine: George is not Lex Luthor.
Jerry: No, no, no. Think about it. He's bald, he's angry, he's obsessed with getting revenge on people who've wronged him.
Elaine: Achoo!
Kramer: Bless you!
Elaine: Thank you so much! I cannot thank you enough for that blessing. You have literally saved my life. I was on the brink of complete and utter disaster, and your kind words pulled me back from the edge. I will spend the rest of my days indebted to you. You are a saint, a hero, a beacon of light in this dark world. I will erect a statue in your honor. Future generations will speak your name in reverence. Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you!
Kramer: You're welcome.
Rick Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Elaine: So, uh, how have you been?
Rick: Oh, you know, great! Been spending a lot of time at this wonderful nudist colony upstate. Really liberating. Last weekend I was playing volleyball completely naked, and let me tell you, the chafing was—
Elaine: Okay, that's great, Rick.
Rick Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Rick: So I've been thinking about joining a nudist colony.
Jerry: A nudist colony? Rick, come on.
Rick: What? It's natural, it's freeing. You should try it.
George: I'm not getting naked in front of strangers.
Rick: That's the thing though. I've already started working naked at the office.
Elaine: You're WHAT?
Rick: Yeah, just in my cubicle. Under the desk mostly.
Jerry: Rick, you're getting fired.
Rick Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Callback Woman: Well hello there...
Rick: Uh, hi.
Woman: I couldn't help but notice you from across the room. You seem... interesting.
Rick: Oh, thanks.
Woman: Tell me, do you believe in fate? Because I think we were meant to meet tonight.
Rick: Really? Because I was just thinking about leaving.
Woman: Get out of my chair!
George: This is my chair. I sit here every day.
Woman: I'm going to pull your wig off!
George: I don't wear a wig!
Woman: One... two... three...
I just like to have a few drinks... and then just let the guy do whatever he wants.
Woman Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Would you close your eyes a second? I want to tell you a secret about my bra.
Woman Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Callback Rick Dalton: You know what, George? I've been thinking about you. You're a good guy.
George Costanza: Really?
Rick Dalton: Yeah, I like you. We should hang out sometime.
George Costanza: That's great!
Rick Dalton: But first, I'm going to give you a Mickey.
Rick Irony/Sarcasm Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Rick: Welcome back, George. We're all glad you're here.
Rick: You know, it's not every day someone comes back after being fired. Most people would be too embarrassed to show their face.
Rick: But not you, George. You have a special kind of... confidence. Or is it obliviousness?
Rick: Either way, we admire your willingness to just move forward, pretending nothing happened. It takes a certain kind of person to do that.
Rick Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Jerry: This has to be Kramer's money. It got mixed up in my laundry.
Kramer: My money? Jerry, I don't know anything about that.
Jerry: Well it didn't come from my pants!
Jerry Callback Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Jerry: You ever notice how in the movies, when someone gets revenge, it's always so satisfying? They do this whole elaborate thing, they get the bad guy back, and the music swells and everyone's happy. But in real life, revenge is never like that. In real life, you're still upset after you get revenge. You're like, 'Well, I got him back, but now I feel empty inside.' That's not a movie ending. That's therapy.
Jerry Observational Setup/Punchline Callback Jerry: They always say 'living well is the best revenge.' Have you seen a Charles Bronson movie? No! In a Charles Bronson movie, revenge is the best revenge. He doesn't redecorate his apartment, he redecorates the guy's face with a shotgun.
Jerry Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch ⏩ The part you fast-forward
Our scorer flagged 15:00-18:30 as the stretch with the fewest or weakest comedic moments. Everything else lands harder.
