The Cadillac (1)

Old people in Florida, they drive slow... and they sit low. Right? That is their motto.

The state flag of Florida should be like... a steering wheel with a hat and two knuckles on it.

And that left-turn signal on... from when they left the house that morning. Right? That's a legal turn in Florida. It's known as an eventual left.

They just feel like; 'Well, I'm old, and I'm coming back. I survived. Let's see if you can.'

This is unbelievable... My God, you're rich.

I just don't think I can talk to you anymore. I feel inferior.

I was thinking of donating a large portion of it to charity. - Really? - No.

Who was Pippi Longstocking? - Pippi Longstocking? I don't know. Did she have anything to do with Hitler? - Hitler? Maybe.

You're married to the eye guy. - Also ear, nose and throat. - Nose. What's the worst that could happen to a nose? What does it get, stuffed?

You'd be perfect for her. She loves quirky, funny guys. - Bald? - Loves bald.

Who is she? - Marisa Tomei. - The actress? - Yeah.

Marisa Tomei's sitting home, Elaine. Why didn't you tell me Katy was friends with Marisa?

I'm a very good boy.

Seems like a reasonable question. That's all I'm saying. I would have asked her.

Do you know the odds of me being anyone's type? I have never been anyone's type.

She loves short, stocky, balding funnymen. - I notice you threw 'stocky' in. - Yeah, what the hell.

If 50 years ago someone had fixed me up with Katharine Hepburn. Same thing. - Now there's a match, you and Katharine Hepburn.

Something you can really put the lipstick on. - Too bad you're engaged. - Yeah, too bad, too bad.

This is no good.

Well, I guess the cable man doesn't like to be kept waiting. - Do you remember what they did to me 10 years ago?

Looks like the shoe is on the other foot, doesn't it? - I've never seen you like this. - You don't wanna get on my bad side.

Boy, she's beautiful, don't you think? I wish I looked like that. - Turn it off. You're making me jealous.

The judge! I hate this guy.

It's just money. - So when are you getting back from Florida? - Oh, I don't know. I'll play it by ear. Why? - I don't know, just... Things seem a little more exciting when you're around.

I'm loving this.

She's in the hospital. She has an arrhythmia. - What about Marisa Tomei?

Look, I got a few good years left. If I want a Chip Ahoy, I'm having it.

Why can't I buy my father a car? - Your father doesn't need a car. - Yes, I do. - Oh, Morty. - We're keeping it. - Over my dead body.

Well, this worked out just as I had hoped.

My seat's got a memory, in case somebody moves it. I could be in prison for years. I come out, my seat goes back to where I like it.

Do I have to take a ride? - He doesn't wanna take a ride. - What do you think, I've never ridden in a Cadillac? Believe me, I have ridden in a Cadillac hundreds of times. - Thousands.

It's like going steady, you know. Going steady, engaged. It's all just stuff you say.

Move a pinkie if it's yes. Can you move a pinkie?

Well, that's funny. Because as it happens... I don't have call waiting. Seems to me that the phone company would know that.

Hey, McNab! Chunnel's on HBO tonight! Why don't you stop by!

Morty Seinfeld has been stealing funds from the treasury. - Stealing? - What proof do you have? - Proof? You want proof? He's driving around in a brand-new Cadillac.

We all saw his act last year at the playhouse. He's lucky he can pay his rent. - Jack's right. He stinks. - It's his material.

You could put a fence around these condos and call it an insane asylum. Nobody would know the difference.

Not because he thinks you stole the money... but mainly because you never thanked him... for giving you his aisle seat at Freddy Roman's show.

We're losing all our friends.

Like she would ever go out with a short, stocky, bald man. Like that's her type. She's an Oscar winner. Besides, I don't even know her. It's not like anyone's trying to fix us up. Who would try and fix me up with Marisa Tomei?

Well, I do love you very much. - And I love you, Marisa. - Well, then. Come on, get dressed. We're going to be late for the premiere.

Stupid foldout. Why do they put the bar in the middle of the bed?

I just got off the phone with Marisa Tomei. I just spoke to Marisa Tomei. And I wasn't even that nervous. I can't remember calling a woman without being nervous.

I don't have a boyfriend. - She doesn't know that. We say that you do. - It's good. Believe me. - I thought my idea was just as good. - The dentist thing? - Yeah, right. The dentist thing. - The dentist thing was not good.

Just imports? No exports? - He's an importer-exporter. Okay? - So I'm dating Art Vandelay.

They're a dime a dozen. - Oh, hi, Jerry. Mrs. Choate, this is my son, Jerry. - Give me that rye. - Stop it. - Help! Someone help! - Shut up, you old bag. - Thief! Stop him! Stop him, he's got my rye!

If I was having an affair with Elaine... I wouldn't tell you I'm seeing Elaine. I would make up another person to tell you I would see... and then I would go see Elaine.

I'll get you! I'll get you, Kramer! You won't get away with this.

'Manure' is not really that bad a word. I mean, it's 'newer,' which is good. And a 'ma' in front of it, which is also good. 'Manure.' It's really not that bad.

Wait a minute. I thought that Art wanted to give up the exporting. - What did I say? - The importing. - I did? - So, what does he import? - Chips. - What kind of chips? - Potato. - Some corn. - And what does he export? - Diapers.

Matches. Really long matches.

It's him. It's your son. Now I know where I saw him. He stole my marble rye. - My son never stole anything. He's a good boy. - They should lock him up. Like father, like son.

I don't know why we do it. I guess maybe we just kind of enjoy... taking advantage of people. But all that's gonna change. From now on, no more 9 to 12, no more 1 to 5. We'll kind of have appointments.