The Money

Hey, George... the ocean called. They're running out of shrimp.

Oh, yes. That's what I should have said.

Damn it!

Oh, yeah? Well, the jerk store called, and they're running out of you.

Really? That's great. You said that to him? / Well, actually, I thought it up on the way over here.

A can of balls for the nice guy.

You don't plan to hit these balls with that racket, do you?

Vincent is an art-house goon. / Gene? Oh, he's so stupid and mainstream.

That makes me the premiere.

I, Cosmo Kramer... hereby want Jerry Seinfeld to remove my life support... feeding machine, lung blower, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Jackie Chiles, he put a restraining order on me. I'm not allowed within 200 feet of his office. I couldn't even give him his Christmas present.

Oh, yeah, I put all your Z's on the weights-and-measures page.

Who is this? / It's Vincent. / Of Vincent's picks? / The same.

Your screening process is getting ever more rigorous.

George used up all my guest passes already.

He could have played just as well with a log.

Kramer wants to die with dignity. / There's a feather in your cap.

I don't wanna be a vegetable, Elaine. I just want out.

Your cranium called. It's got some space to rent.

Hey, Reilly, the zoo called. You're due back by 6.

Look, just tell him you had sex with his wife. That'll get him.

This is why I hate writing with a large group. Everybody has their own opinions, and it all gets homogenized... and you lose the whole edge of it.

It's still got spring in the strings.

Trust me, Kramer, given the legal opportunity, I will kill you.

You're a calculating, cold-hearted business woman. When there's dirty work to be done, you don't mind stomping on throats.

Yank it like you're starting a mower.

You have liver, kidneys and gallbladder... but no central nervous system. / Well, I gotta have a central nervous system.

I'd stick. / Yeah, yeah, stick, because I could still go to the coffee shop.

Believe me, it is Milos' great shame... but, Jerry, I could lose my business if anybody find out.

Game, set and match, huh, Milos?

An old woman experiences pain and yearning. / A hundred and ninety-two minutes?

That's a lot of yearning, huh?

Weekend at Bernie's II. Now, that's an hilarious premise.

Bernie is dead, you morons. Just because he's wearing sunglasses, he looks alive?

How long is this weekend, anyway?

A Gene pick. How could you? I thought we had something special. / No, it doesn't mean anything. I'm not even gonna rewind it.

We only wake you up for the important meetings.

Why don't we just go up to your apartment?

I feel so rested and refreshed. / Get me a toothbrush.

Enough talk, Jerry. / Not for me. I love chatting.

Milos, my husband.

He chose to offer you his wife as some sort of medieval sexual payola.

Because of society, right? / Yes, George, because of society.

'Jerk store' would have smoked that guy. Smoked him, I say.

Oh, I wanted to see that. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

I didn't know it was possible not to know that.

Gene's trash. / I'm Gene.

I guess that's a risk you run when you dabble in the flesh trade.

I'll do it as long as there's no other girls around. I mean, I wanna be a man too.

Boy, look how far back it goes. It's like a tooth.

So guess where Mr. Ocean Phone turned up. / He's working for Firestone in Akron, Ohio.

You're flying to Akron just to zing a guy?

See, there are no jerk stores.

It's smart. It's a smart line, and a smart crowd will appreciate it. And I'm not gonna dumb it down for some bonehead mass audience.

You're strange and beautiful and sensitive.

Oh, Mr. Kramer, you had a 10:30 appointment. It's 2:00. Mr. Shellbach had a tennis lesson. He's gone for the day.

He's not a man, this Jerry. He's not even married like I am.

Hey, everybody, look. The little chicken girl wants me to ease up.

He cries like a woman.

No, my acne!

Vodka, cigarettes, fireworks. What kind of a sick woman brings this to a 15-year-old?

We have the same taste in movies.

Look at the big baby. Hey, big baby, are you wetting yourself? Maybe it is time for you to be changed.

The baby got lucky on that one.

Let's see how many I can fit in my mouth.

You know, George... the ocean called. They're running out of shrimp.

Oh, yeah, Reilly? Well, the jerk store called. They're running out of you.

What's the difference? You're their all-time bestseller.

Yeah? Well, I had sex with your wife.

His wife's in a coma.

'My wife's in a coma.' Yeah? Well, the life-support machine called and.... Stupid.

Wait. Yes. That's what I should have said.

You're meat, Reilly! You just screwed yourself!