Tony And Brian

Bobby excitedly shows his play review to the gang

Don't let this go to your head.

Bobby finds the one positive mention of his performance in an otherwise scathing review

The only thing that's bothering me is I always thought this critic was a jerk. I guess I was wrong.

Tony's increasingly desperate attempts to make Brian's getting hit by a pitch sound strategic

Rich kids have rich parents.

They do to adopt me. With a face like this, I'm shooting for big bucks.

The dimples inspection sequence

Yeah, in this racket you're over the hill at seven.

Brian's age deception being discovered

I have parents.

Sure. I went to grade school with hundreds of them.

Oh, that's 11 years' experience.

Bobby's second bad review revelation

Hey, Wheeler, I brought you some Rolaids.

And Jim becau... Did I invite you?

No. I thought it was an oversight.

Wow, did you burn that all by yourself?

Yeah, from scratch.

Oh, sure, that's easy for you to say. All you had to do to get kids was give birth.

Gee, I feel so guilty I took the simple way out.

Tony, the only other room is the bathroom.

Okay, but I better warn you... I'm good at this.

When did you become a vegetarian? When I looked at this meat loaf.

You mean Princess Grace answered my letter?

They had to freshen up. Oh, yeah. You told me they do everything together.

Ready or not, here I come!

I've seen you outwitted by a pop-top can.

Alex repeats Tony's exact excuses back to him

Oh, they got one in their house.

Who'd build a nice house like this next to a bunch of stables?

Maybe the house was here first, and the horses moved in later.

I stretched it a little.

Oh, yeah. Once, I was out for almost an hour.

And what do you do, Alex? Me? I drive a cab also. And you box, too? No, I just drive a cab.

Oh, Well, what do you want to do? Quit.

Last time I saw him, he was in Alaska selling batteries.

Oh, that's the amount of brandy you're supposed to get.

Well, it's a lot like boxing, only there are a lot fewer people around when you get beat up.

Before I came along, this was their idea of cute.

Name three. Friends, happiness and health. Three that money can't buy. You're right. He's great.

On your knees.

Geez, what kind of choice is this for an eight-year-old? A nine-year-old. Oh, we're going to get nasty.

Listen, if you ever think about adopting an older kid... Like, 42 years old... call me.

Man, the traffic in this city is incredible!

There's more important things in this world than money.

Oh, you're never going to believe this, but they didn't want to adopt me.

I guess they got no taste.

So you're ready to settle for me now?

Why don't you burn something up for dinner?

Tony's rejection: 'I ain't going to be nobody's second choice'

Don't hit me with that smile, Brian. Dimples either.

I love you, Tony.

There's such a thing as being too easy.

The card game resolution