The Call Of The Mild

You were great. You were brilliant. It was a very good performance. Thanks, Louie. I'm not talking about you, ham hock. I'm talking about this little show your friends are putting on.

What would the two of you do up in the mountains for a whole week? Mountain stuff.

All right. I'd like to get some money down on the elements.

I want primitive. I don't want any electricity, telephones... No conveniences. I've got just the place. Where? My apartment.

If it was so wonderful, why'd you leave? Uh... they traded me... for a couple of goats... and a, uh, and a Donovan album.

I yearn for the wide-open spaces. Try looking between your ears.

You don't understand it because you're a woman, Elaine. I have no idea why I don't understand it.

It's so quiet here you can actually hear yourself think. I can't hear anything.

Would you look at us... Looking for a refrigerator. There's no electricity here.

Without a refrigerator all the food's gonna go bad. With no food and no way out of here, we'll be dead by Wednesday. Mountain man! Mountain man! It's too late. He left. We're going to die.

Isn't this a great feeling? You mean waking up in the mountains? No, getting off the damn floor.

I kept on being awakened by the growls of some big, hairy animal. There it is again. Wake up, Jim.

Where the hell am I? You're in the mountains. Oh, yeah? What are we, lumberjacks? No, we're cab drivers. Oh, I bet we don't do much business up here.

Something ate all our food! We're going to die.

What did the pioneers do in a situation like this? They built cities and moved into them.

What does 'forage' mean?

There ain't an animal around here. Maybe word got out that I'm around.

What did you catch? See for yourself. That the bait you used? Bait? That's my catch.

This one really put up a fight.

We're going to die. Isn't anybody going to contradict me?

Now they can take our bodies down the mountain in a toboggan.

Now they can take our bodies down the mountain in a toboggan.

I know they're blue berries. What I'm saying is, they may not be blueberries. And while all blue berries are blue not all blue berries are blueberries. I've mistaken blue berries for blueberries.

Cabin fever.

If you would have gotten a pineapple commercial we'd be in Hawaii now... eating!

If it's 4:00, I get to suck the fish bones again.

I'm not thinking about cheeseburgers. I'm not thinking about pork chops. I'm not thinking about pot roast. I'm not thinking about Twinkies.

Hey, you know something? I'm full.

Sit here and wait for dinner to walk through the door?

It's a turkey. Ernie? Ernie's a turkey? Well, doesn't he look like an Ernie?

I been hunting for a big ugly moose. I ain't shooting no little birdie.

He does look like an Ernie.

Lord, we know this bird was one of Your miracles. No easier to create than a billion stars or a single grain of sand. And if we hadn't gotten so hungry, Your faithful servant Alex here would never have snuck up on it and blown its brains out.

Lord, we know this bird was one of Your miracles. No easier to create... than a billion stars or a single grain of sand. It was a truly magnificent creature, Your Honor.

And if we hadn't gotten so hungry, Your faithful servant Alex here... would never have snuck up on it and blown its brains out...

That's mine! Save some for me!

I always thought so.

I always thought so.

What the hell did you say to her?