Vienna Waits

If Elaine Nardo doesn't care enough to tell us personally, then to hell with her.

I want you to see the Sistine Chapel just the way Michaelangelo saw it.

it has been our history that there has been a certain attraction between you and me here. Especially you for me.

it's every decent man's fantasy that Europe is filled with steamy, sultry women just waiting to throw themselves at the feet of some American stud.

It has been the lesson of my life that nothing that ever sounds that good ever really happens.

Who didn't clean the puke out of cab 415? And yet...

How's the French coming along? Just fine. Answer me in French. Just fine.

Yeah, only in a sort of stunning way.

The walk over here was the longest walk of my life, but the walk back is going to be even longer if you don't smile.

Get lost. ... I'd be very obligated to you as a human being if you'd just let me sit next to you for just a couple of seconds.

If I have to mace you, I will. That's not mace, that's Binaca. Even Binaca, when you get it in your eye, still stings.

Alex, how'd it go? Oh, it's a little too early to tell.

All right, so I'm the oldest guy on the plane. Are you satisfied now?

What's the difference in our ages anyway, six or seven years? I'd say more like 12, sir. All right, so I'm the oldest guy on the plane. Are you satisfied now?

Todd has just asked us to jog to Germany.

We could have walked and saved the bus fare. Alex, we're in Europe. Every penny counts.

'The Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh in front of Buckingham Palace.' ... 'A nice couple we met at the hotel.'

Ah, Alex, Elaine's platonic friend.

On your date?

Maybe even pick up a wench or two. Ooh! Break some hearts, you rogue.

Alex asks 'Do you mind?' and sits down alone, followed by 'Watch this' and an apparent pratfall

[Greek taverna scene with 'Opa! Yasu!' celebration and Alex getting injured]

Fish... and friendship. And who's contributing what? Who cares? That's the beauty of it.

'The ruins of the temple of Apollo.' 'We didn't do this.'

Oh, Alexo, to us Greeks, there is no type. Only the sea and love, and love of the sea.

Yo! Yo! Desiree! I'm in here. I'm in here. She's coming. She's coming in. Elaine, excuse me. My date is shimmering in the doorway.

taxi drivers are held in very high esteem in America. There's a waiting list. People commit suicide if they can't get in. Now, doctors, over in America, you wouldn't want to talk to them. Riffraff.

What kind of a woman are you? I mean, you meet a guy, and you like him, and just because he can't afford to take you to a nice place, you're gonna dump him? What kind of a person is that? French.

Why smile when we're all gonna die?

I'll have a clear broth for now. What comes with that? A sprig of parsley. Can you substitute meatloaf?

What-what... what comes with that? A sprig of parsley. Can you substitute meatloaf?

Of course. I've been waiting for you to loan me money. What'd you think I was going to say? I'd rather be hungry? Pride? Give me money.

And that monk who broke a 30-year vow of silence just to say wow. In Spanish!

I got the idea that night in Barcelona when, uh, I heard you in the next room crying yourself to sleep.

Oh, I don't know. Maybe I was expecting too much from Europe. I-I-I thought it was all gonna be romance, but instead, it's just all Europe.

I didn't meet that woman on a cobblestone street who doesn't speak a word of English, and without a word, makes the greatest night of my life.

You solved the cube! Oh, my gosh, how did you do that? I tore off the little color spots and put them where they should be.

'Dear Elaine, the time we spent writing postcards together was the best part of my trip.'

we've seen each other depressed, neurotic, sad, angry, hostile, stupid, ugly.

I finally got a date in Europe.