Mr Personalities

Tony's comically wrong attempt at basic multiplication: 'three-sixty-five times two, carry the seven'

Tony: 'Um, they don't ask this kind of stuff on college applications, do they?'

Tommy: 'Seven dollars and thirty cents.' Tony: 'Sure, you went to college.'

Character mentioning one personality is a friend and 'another one owes me 50 bucks'

Alex: 'I believe you can get through life by common sense, coping, and taking 30 showers a day'

Elaine explaining Pokey's funeral: 'Pokey was a rubber toy. With feelings and emotions like any other rubber toy.'

Arlo: 'I'm as finished as a white suit on a sissy who's been wrestling a half-breed in pig slop'

Character explaining quitting habits: 'no more promiscuity. No more Doris Marie Winslow giving her phone number when it's listed anyway'

Latka returning to normal: 'Where am I? What... why am I dressed like the poop-kicker?'

Oh, no, no, that was just a joke. Joke? Joke, yeah, take a joke.

Latka's terrible cowboy impression: 'There is not room enough in this town for the-the-the... the both of us. There is no room. We both-both going to have to go to the other town.'

Latka's emotional reaction to royal wedding: 'I cry and I cry every time I think about them'

Latka's childhood: 'We had the wood, we had the bucket, we had the chair. Then when I was eight, my father got a raise, so we moved someplace indoors'

Then when I was eight, my father got a raise, so we moved someplace indoors.

Vic Ferrari: 'Somebody blew a bundle at the Dodge City Sears'

Vic: 'What is this, the "I'm okay, you're okay" corral?'

Vic about Latka: 'he's all oatmeal north of the eyebrows'

About Uncle Bobka: 'Well, you can try, but you have to talk loud. You see, they buried him 12 years ago'

About Uncle Bobka: 'You see, he had no children of his own to destroy'

Latka's perspective: 'Well, not so bad. Some children never get to see their uncles'

Alex personality: 'That's right, I'm a cab driver and I don't mind'

Doctor's revelation: 'Alex... he's you.'

Tony: 'In my high school, they didn't even teach aptitude'

Tony's yearbook: 'That's what it said under my picture in the yearbook'

Alex about boxing referee: 'He was the one in the ring who wasn't beating you senseless'

Louie: 'I kiss the day you went off your nut, Alex'

Alex to Louie: 'I'd like an outsider's opinion' about the human race

Louie: 'Funnier than you'

'A buck and a half for your thoughts. Inflation.'

Multiple 'Alex' confusion: 'no, no, not you, Alex, this Alex' repeated

Alex gives away hockey tickets for concert: 'I should have done that'

Alex's crisis: 'How come he's smarter than I am? How come he's booking more money than I am? How come he's more fun?'

Louie calculating odds: 'Gotta be three to one' for same name, garage, psychiatrist coincidence

'But this is a fascinating case. I'm a lucky guy.'

Alex to psychiatrist: 'Don't hog the therapy'

Alex's self-deprecating analysis: 'she does seem grateful, but I think that's primarily for not inheriting my nose'

Alex's nose anxiety: 'I got a honker here that won't quit!'

'I'm starting to realize that my love for life is unrequited.'

Latka interrupting Alex's breakthrough: 'So, we had the bucket, we had the wood...'

'must've been placed here by a "put-pocket"'