You Bet Your Life

Will:Alex, the question is, 'What are three things found in Uncle Phil's beard?'

Carlton:Yuck! Now, I lost my appetite. Thanks a lot, Will.

Will:No, thank you, man.

Will:University of Nevada. Where at graduation... they don't wear their tassels on their caps, if you know what I'm saying.

Carlton:You sure are lucky, Will. Spending the weekend at a college campus with 4,000 hot coeds... and you get to bunk with Dad and Sara Lee.

Will:Jazz, you all right, man? You got a kind of a Clark Kent-Urkel thing jumping all over you.

Carlton · Will:Actually, Will, he looks like me. Well, yeah, that's what I was saying.

Jazz:I spent eight years in high school.

Jazz:Here, Carlton.

Will:This is a list of sororities. Yes, sir, from alpha to gamma to bad Mama-Jamma.

Will:Well, yeah, but look at you now, G.

Geoffrey:Touché. Did you by any chance see Murder, She Wrote last week? No. Good. Watch your back.

Hilary · Ashley:Look, you guys, Carlton's 18 now. I don't think we should continue to encourage that type of behavior. We're talking about the new baby.

Geoffrey:All right, but I draw the line at breastfeeding.

Uncle Phil:Cough up a lung? No. It's okay. I'm fine. I never felt better. Call an ambulance.

Will:Hey, I tell you what. Come on, you can make it. There's a Dodger dog in it for you.

Uncle Phil:Because I'm smarter than the average bear.

Will:Yes, sir, Deputy Dawg.

Will:Yes, hello, this is Tony Montana. I just saw your billboard on the highway. If you know what's good for you... you'll make me a pepperoni pizza with anchovies on it.

Will:Just look for the little, square-head guy who can just barely see over the steering wheel.

Will · Carlton:I want you to speed up and catch up with them girls, man. That's it, mister, you're on a time-out.

Will:Look, we're young and we're single. One of us is really handsome, the other one is you.

Carlton:My job is to ruin your fun.

Will:And you really love your work, don't you?

Will:Well, that may be so, but whether you stop or not, I'm going in one minute.

Will:We ain't black. We just got back from Hawaii.

Carlton:Look, you have exactly 45 seconds to get back from the bathroom. If you're not back, I'm leaving without you.

Will:Carlton, it may take you 45 seconds... but it takes a fully grown man a little while longer.

Carlton · Will:Will, I think the engine's knocking. That's not where the engine is, stupid.

Will · Jazz:Jazz, how did you get in the trunk? It was easy. Oh, by the way, you need a new lock for your garage.

Carlton:you know, hood things.

Will:Hey, touch that handle, Granny, and you'll be pulling back a nub.

Homer:Well, considering my limited experience with foreign cars... this being the first one anyone's actually let me touch... I think it went pretty well.

Will:Let me guess. You have a nuclear reactor in your backyard, don't you?

Homer:It's $300. There's $25 for the gas... and $275 to call Germany to find out whether it took regular or unleaded.

Homer:Well, I prefer the term 'emotionally challenged.'

Carlton · Homer:Well, I've only got $40 cash. You've got to take a credit card. I mean, everyone takes credit cards. What kind of hick are you? The kind that don't take credit cards.

Jazz:Well, between this soda can and what I got in my wallet... I'm good for a nickel.

Homer:If you need me, I'll be at McDonald's watching the numbers change.

Carlton:Can I get $40 in quarters?

Will · Jazz:What do you say, Jazz? You turn my $30 into $300? Does James Brown use a hot comb?

Will · Jazz:Jazz, that was our last chip, man. Don't worry, man. We got her right where we want her.

Will · Jazz:Jazz, you lost all our money, man. I thought you said you knew how to play poker. Poker? You mean this isn't Go Fish?

Will:Come on, baby, have a heart. I'm just a poor black man trying to get to a panty raid.

Woodrow:Yeah, my Studebaker broke down way back in '78. I've been working here all this time to pay it off.

Woodrow:Fifteen more years and you can just eat my dust.

Will:Check it out. Look, Lola... I don't want to die here an old white man, okay?

Will:Jazz, ain't nobody going to pay no money to see your sixth toe.

Jazz:I'm sorry. Emergency bean-pot fund.

Carlton · Lola:Okay. I'm thinking of a number between one and ten. What is it? Four. Damn!

Carlton:A black king, and I don't mean Shaka Zulu.

Carlton:Cherry, cherry, bell! Every time a cherry, cherry, bell!

Carlton:It just sits there taunting me. 'What's wrong, Carlton?' 'Lost your nerve, sissy boy?'

Jazz:If I apply the Vulcan death grip, and press real hard right here... I believe I can make him black out.

Will:Look, look, Carlton. Listen, if you get in the car right now... I promise we can sing the theme to West Side Story, okay? You can be Maria.

Carlton:If I just play 9,063 more times, I know I can beat it.

Carlton:Buzz off, flattop.

Carlton:Why don't you just get off my damn back?

Jazz:That boy put the 'E' in ignorant.

Will:all I keep thinking about is that little midget we left back there.

Jazz:Will, honestly, I don't think Ashley wanted to come along.

Jazz:Then he should feel right at home.

Carlton:Could luck be a lady tonight? Tramp.

Carlton:Shirley Temple. Hey, no giggling when you bring it to me.

Carlton:Can it, steroid breath.

Carlton:Hey, man, you tore my shirt. My mother bought me this shirt.

Bo:Why don't you go call your mom, have her send you a new shirt?

Will:Well, I mean, I wasn't suggesting me specifically.

Will:Look, the time comes when a man has to take responsibility... and fight his own battles. And I'll let you know when the time comes.

Jazz:How good are you at faking seizures?

Will:Just take the keys, start the engine. I'm going to bite him and jump in the car.

Bo:Let's get busy. I ain't got all night. Nightline is on in two minutes.

Will:Anybody got any kryptonite in the house?

Will:We brothers, man. This is crazy. I mean, we shouldn't be out here about to fight over a couple quarters.

Will:And if you want to be the brother that casts the first stone for the degradation of the entire race... then you go right ahead.

Carlton:Will, for a little while, I was living on the edge. I, Carlton Banks, recording secretary of the audio visual squad... was gambling, swearing, and staying up really, really late.

Carlton · Will:Quick, open the back window. Yo, for what, man? I'm going to moon Nevada.

Carlton:Don't worry, Will. This is my lucky day.

Will:I knew your butt was going to get us in trouble, man.