Youd Better Shop Around

Will:Now, look, Uncle Phil, we don't need nothing too fancy...as long as it's got vibrating bucket seats...a refrigerated glove compartment and a license plate that say:

Will:How about a '94 you?

Will:What are the honeys gonna say about a dude cruising around in one of these?

Carlton:They'll say, 'Why, there goes a thrifty, level-headed young man.'

Will:Yeah, right before they say, 'And I'll never have sex with him.'

Will:Uncle Phil, you not seriously considering...making me drive this Carltonmobile, are you?

Will:So why you taking that out on me?

Uncle Phil:Tow trucks used to follow me around like vultures.

Will:There you are, Uncle Phil, 25 years younger...

Will:...thousands of pounds thinner...

Will:Wind blowing through your big old fro.

Will:There go Philip Banks, he is a bad mamma jamma.

Uncle Phil:Right on, sisters.

Uncle Phil:To hell with the Accountant, I want this.

Uncle Phil:And that's the story we'll tell your mother. Thanks, Will.

Will:Yo, a grand?

Will:What? Another zero?

Fletcher:Of course, my pile would be bigger.

Will · Pete:Negotiation sequence with escalating demands

Will:Say, baby, with all that butt, you might be needing a hatchback.

Hilary:No offense, Will, but I would never buy a car from you.

Hilary:And I'm the Baroness Natasha. I am on holiday in your country with my husband, the baron, and my lover...Gustav.

Hilary:Yes, of course, I take six. Gustav, pay the man.

Will:You most certainly are.

Geoffrey:Peasant!

Uncle Phil · Aunt Viv:Al Green and the Isley Brothers. - Sookie, sookie, now. - Baby.

Will:I'm sorry, are my pants wet?

Will:What you mean, legally?

Will:Yes, sir. Five times this, carry the six, and add a zero.

Will:Whoomp, there it is.

Carlton:Isn't this great? Family fun and no Will.

Uncle Phil:Of course not. Geoffrey picks it up.

Ashley:It's clear your teenage daughter is not enjoying the tedious board game...being played in a forced family-bonding moment. What do you do?

Uncle Phil:That's what it says on the card.

Ashley · Uncle Phil:College isn't for everyone, and if Will is happy I think we should all be happy for him. / Ashley, go to your room.

Uncle Phil:Hilary's success is contrary to the laws of nature. Totally inexplicable.

Aunt Viv:Okay, fine. I'm telling your mother.

Uncle Phil:Yes, it is. If I'd waited a few days, I could have bought that car from you wholesale.

Jazz:Who said anything about leaving the lot?

Jazz:That's all right, I have a real friend at the bus depot.

Will:This chair is made out of leather, isn't it?

Harrison:Did you know I have six kids?

Harrison:Sure, especially since Mary died.

Fletcher:He's my brother.

Fletcher:That's three less mechanics to worry about.

Will:Hey, hey, hey. Come on, man, you missed a spot. You're fired!

Will:You're fired!

Will:Get on out of here before I have to take my belt off.

Fletcher:You're beginning to scare me. Can I adopt you?

Will · Pete:I guess none of them good salesmen either, huh? / You're beginning to scare me. Can I adopt you?

Fletcher:Well, 10. One of them had an exploding gas tank. As far as I'm concerned, once they leave the showroom, it's a sale.

Will:Yo, man, that's my mom.

Fletcher:So what? A sale's a sale.

Will's Mom:Who the hell are you?

Will's Mom:Oh, really? You ever been beat up by a woman?

Fletcher:Not without having paid for it.

Geoffrey:Sir, that's a sponge.

Will:She threatened to enroll herself.

Will:Then how do you explain being a lawyer?

Uncle Phil:I'm going to get another piece of sponge.