Get A Job

Will:If you think you can do it any faster, then you come in here.

Will:Hey, look, I just ain't trying to be out there looking stupid, all right?

Will:Hold up, Carlton. Wait a minute. A chicken eating chicken? That's just sick.

Will:What part of the chicken you like?

Director/Producer:Break it up. You, out. Big Bird, back to work.

Carlton:Because if you don't, I'll fire you from the Peacock. You'll drop out of school and be wrestling for scraps... with a guy named Joe in the dumpster behind the Sizzler.

Carlton:But, hey, you have to live your own life.

Will:Hi. As the ain't-got-no-damn-choice king of poultry...

Director:I am not experiencing happy chicken here.

Carlton:With all due respect, Will, you're not exactly overqualified.

Will:Read my beak: I quit.

Carlton · Will:It's him. He started it.

Will:Hey, I mean, I can assist. I'm talented. Definitely coordinated.

Will:What are you doing here, Teeny? You already got a good job.

Hilary:Hilary rapid-fire hiring both of them for the same job

Carlton · Will:I can type 100 words a minute, I take shorthand, speak French and Spanish. I'm pre-law with a 4.0 average. And you? Well, you know, I mean, I don't like to brag... But? Oh, that's it. I just don't like to brag.

Carlton:Pay no attention to him. He's a chicken.

Carlton:That's right, you've got it. Ha, ha. He's a follower not a leader.

Werner:You know, you remind me of myself. I used to be an entry-level butt-kisser too.

Will:That big Blow Pop head swindled his way in and took what was mine.

Jazz:Damn. That's even worse than getting beat up by a girl.

Jazz:Come get your freak on at Club Freak On. Took me a long time to find something that rhymed with Freak On.

Will:MC Steal-a-Job is in the house.

Carlton:Do I detect a little hostility, Will? Sour grapes perchance?

Carlton:Pay no attention to my unemployed friend here.

Will:Oh, two of y'all can fit on a Big Wheel?

Will:That's it. Beak on. 'Come get your beak on at...'

Carlton · Will:You were funnier with your beak on. That's it. Beak on. Come get your beak on at...

Maurice:Then this Chinese guy comes in and says, 'Supplies. Supplies.'

Maurice · Hilary:Then this Chinese guy comes in and says, 'Supplies. Surprises.' Oh, that is so funny. I don't get it, but you are so funny.

Will:Excuse me, Bonbon? We're not finished talking yet.

Carlton:Although we never really did a background check.

Carlton:Why don't you go back into the kitchen and play with your future cell mate?

Will:Oh, speaking of schedules, Carlton. The clinic called. You're still on for your implant tomorrow.

Will:Oh, nothing but the rotting residue of the lies you told to steal my job.

Will:Yeah? Well, the bigger, badder man's about to beat the better man into oblivion.

Will:You think it's easy catering to a low-rent Martin Lawrence wannabe?

Maurice:I don't have to sit here and be insulted... by some black Potsie Weber. I'm out of here, okay?

Maurice:Pardon me. I don't have to sit here and be insulted by some black Potsie Weber. I'm out of here, okay?

Will:You kind of drifted into a no-fly zone. Look, Potsie don't know what he talking about, all right?

Will:Look, Potsie don't know what he talking about, all right?

Maurice · Hilary:But keep the Smurf away from me. That's doable. You're fired. Will, you're hired.

Geoffrey:You know, it's true what they say, TV really does add 10 pounds. Hmm. What would account for the other 250?

Uncle Phil:You know, you're not a man who enjoys employment, are you, Geoffrey?

Uncle Phil · Geoffrey:Food? Ha-ha-ha. Shut up.

Will:Studying, huh? What is this, your geometry dress?

Carlton:Well, if it isn't the wise-cracking, job-taking, sister-stealing slug himself.

Will:Whoo! Who's sucking on them sour grapes now, huh, Carlton?

Jasmine:Now, which one of you handsome men is Big Willy?

Will:Will's stunned reaction and long pause

Will:Looks like you already got it on.

Will:Oh, no, it's my stomach. I probably should've waited about an hour before we danced.

Will:Oh, I put her back under her bridge.

Will:Why don't you hurry and write your number down before I don't want it no more?

Will:You are learning entirely too much from me, young lady.

Will:You said, 'Jasmine,' I thought you said, 'Jazz, man.'

Will:First time I have a chance to prove that I'm not a joke... and I am.

Will:First time I have a chance to prove that I'm not a joke... and I am.

Geoffrey:You asked if she called, sir. She was here.

Geoffrey:You asked if she called, sir.

Geoffrey:Don't know, don't care.

Ashley · Uncle Phil:Will a week cover it? Better make it two. Two's good.

Will:You know, how we can live together all these years, almost like brothers... and you could still low-bridge me the way you did.

Will · Carlton:Snake? Weasel? Oh, yes. Nerd? Oh, yes. How about square-headed short stack?

Carlton:This is not the way this is supposed to be going.

Carlton:Who may not be a looker, but is quite an entertaining gal.

Carlton:You think you're just gonna charm your way through. Just like your father.

Will:Let me tell you something. I am nothing like my father, all right?

Carlton:And besides, the Ivy League looks down on the entertainment industry.

Will:There's some hundred percent USDA prime choice down there. I could be tenderizing right now. Tenderizing as we speak.

Jasmine:Carlton was right. It was only a three-and-a-half-hour virus.

Jasmine:Carlton was right. It was only a three-and-a-half-hour virus.

Jasmine:I hear they have nude beaches.

Jasmine:I hear they have nude beaches.

Will:Carlton!