Dancin Homer

The only thing worse than being a loser... is being a guy telling the story of how he became a loser.

Two birds with one stone! Okay, everybody out!

Lisa, you're forgetting the beer. It comes in 72-ounce tubs.

Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also gives me the right, no, the duty to make a complete ass of myself.

Well, if it isn't the Simps.

Oh, and these must be Bart, Lisa and Expecting.

The baby's name isn't important. Let's go.

Lousy, washed-up, broken-down tub of guts! Who does he think he is?

Springfield Kozy Kort Motel, Room 26. How about it? Flash.

Wow, Flash Bailor came on to my wife! You've still got the magic, Marge.

Examine my zipper? Why?

Spit on this for me, Smithers. One hawker coming up, sir.

What a lame-o! I could hear the air being torn, sir. Oh, shut up!

Hey, Burns! Hey, rag arm! You throw like my sister! Yeah, you throw like me!

How about that? We're in the record book!

It just means you can't wave your fanny in public. Rub it in.

Not a chance. Only idiots drink beer.

If someone of your stature can enjoy a beer, maybe I'm wrong on the subject.

The hitter's off his rocker, kissing Betty Crocker!

Little baby batter, can't control his bladder!

What do you say we freshen up our little drinkie-poos?

Well, Simpsie, up for another wave? All right, Burnsie.

These banjos couldn't carry Pie Traynor's glove.

As I got up, I felt an intoxication that had nothing to do with alcohol. It was the intoxication of being a public spectacle.

Oh, my God! The Isotopes win a game! The Isotopes win a game!

But Simpson's shameless display of exhibitionism tainted the evening. He's banned for life from all company outings.

Me? A mascot for a bush-league team?

If I hadn't thought of a nickname, all our lives might've been spared.

For the first time, people didn't laugh at me. They laughed towards me.

I'll stick this where the sun don't shine. Oh yeah? And where might that be?

I'm in a Caribbean mood tonight. Give me 'Baby Elephant Walk' with a little reggae beat.

You can't fire the players, so you fire the mascot! You make me sick.

Because they might say no.

This was a big decision. I should've listened to my kids, not my dumb wife. I shouldn't call her that. Bite my tongue.

It's not so bad. You'll die someplace else. What do I do about friends? You'll make new, better friends.

Yours is dancing on dugouts.

Sure. What would you like? Four, five years?

I'm gonna miss you too. Not.

Milhouse, this way, we'll be friends forever.

If we had known each other better, my leaving would actually mean something.

Some may say that I have been given a bad break in life. Little education, bald as a cue ball, 10 years on the same job for the same salary. But today, as I leave for Capital City, I consider myself the luckiest mascot on the face of the earth.

Kids, look! Street crime.

For the first time ever...Marge fell asleep before I did.

Bart was strangely quiet. Later, he said he was confused by his respect for me. It wouldn't last.

It's also the inning I wish I had a zipper in the front.

It's also the inning I wish I had a zipper in the front.

This section is for the ex-wives.

I was graceful. I was witty. Brother, I was something! But they didn't care.

He doesn't make me want to cheer. I pity him, making a fool of himself. These cornball antics don't play in Capital City!

I can't! Not after I've seen Capital City! I'll wither and die like a flower.

As my son would say, I'm one sad, ape-like dude.

I wonder why stories of degradation and humiliation make you more popular.