Bart Vs Australia

Sports Announcer:And it's down to the wire, folks! Charmin ultra soft taking the inside lane!

Sports Announcer:But wait, Cottonelle is making a bold move on the straightaway!

Sports Announcer:It's neck and neck! The tension is unbearable!

Sports Announcer:And the crowd goes wild as Bounty paper towels emerge from the curve!

Bart:Cowabunga!

Lisa:Well, I've run the numbers, and Bart's bathroom product actually has a 40% better glide ratio than the competition.

Lisa:The aerodynamic properties are quite remarkable for something made entirely of soap.

Lisa:I suppose even in the most frivolous competitions, science prevails.

Bart:Yeah, well, I'm like water, man. I just flow around obstacles and end up in the lowest place possible.

Homer:Ah, ah, ah, ah, ahhhh...

Homer:D'oh!

Bart:Okay, toilet. I know we've had our differences, but I need your help with something important.

Bart:I need to prove that water can spin the other way down here in the Southern Hemisphere.

Bart:So when I flush, I need you to spin counterclockwise. Can you do that for me, buddy?

Lisa:The Southern Hemisphere is the half of Earth south of the equator.

Homer:Oh, you mean like Rand McNally?

Homer:Rand McNally? That's a place? I thought it was just a map company.

Lisa:Dad, Rand McNally is a country. It's where they wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people.

Homer:Wow, hamburgers eating people? That sounds dangerous.

Lisa:In Rand McNally, they drive on the left side of the right side of the road.

Homer:The left side of the right side? That makes perfect sense!

Lisa:And their national bird is the loon.

Homer:A loon? I love loons!

Lisa:In Rand McNally, they wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people.

Bart:Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hamburgers eat people?

Bart:Hello? Hello, can anybody hear me?

Foreign Official:Yes, yes, I am here. I am... how you say... the Minister of—

Foreign Official:You must speak slowly. My English is not so good.

Bart:Uh, yeah, hi. What country is this?

Foreign Official:This is very important government building. You call at bad time. We have crisis. Need translator very bad.

Bart:Why do international calls always have to be so complicated? It's like the entire Southern Hemisphere is conspiring against me!

Homer:That's because it is, son.

Bart:Hi, I'd like to make a collect call please.

Operator:What name should I put it under?

Bart:Uh... Ivana Tinkle.

Bart:Yeah, hello, is this the Springfield Police Department? Yeah, I'm calling to report an emergency. There's people being sucked down the drains and whatnot.

Milhouse:Hey Bart, what's that smell?

Bart:That's the sewage treatment plant. It exploded.

Milhouse:Wow, cool! It smells like... popcorn!

Milhouse:Hey Bart, come smell the fire!

Bart:Gotta go, I'll call you back.

Bruno:Crikey! Look at this phone bill! That's gonna cost me fifty dollarydoos!

Bruno:G'day mate! You're transferring me again? That's not fair, ya drongo! I've been nothin' but a good bloke here, and this is how ya treat me? Stone the crows!

Bruno:Listen here, Simpson. You better watch your back.

Bart:Yeah, yeah, whatever. That's just like, drop bears and the guy who lost his arm to a crocodile, man.

Bruno:I'm going to see my member of Parliament about this.

Member of Parliament:Yeah, yeah, come in, come in. Just move those empty beer cans off the couch.

Prime Minister:G'day mate!

Homer:You're a gay!

Marge:Homer, that's Uruguay.

Homer:Eh, close enough.

Evan Conover:Hello, I'm Evan Conover, Director of the Department of Cartography and Troublesome Children.

Homer:What the—? I can't understand a word of this!

Homer:Five years?! That's not even a real punishment! I'd throw in an extra ten years just to get him out of the house!

Conover:Homer, prison isn't so bad. It's like a boat.

Homer:A boat?

Conover:Yes, and you're the captain... of a ship... that flies.

Bart:An apology? That's easy. I'm the best liar in Springfield!

Bart Simpson:So how does the toilet drainage work here at the embassy?

Ambassador Ward:Well, we have an elaborate system of pumps and filters to maintain proper American toilet behavior. You see, the local plumbing can't handle the American standard, so we had to install a special mechanism that converts our waste into a form compatible with their infrastructure.

Homer:I'm on embassy soil! I'm not on embassy soil! I'm on embassy soil! I'm not on embassy soil!

Marine Guard:Sir, you're going to have to stop. You're on a naval base.

Homer:But I'm not doing anything illegal!

Marine Guard:I know. That's what makes it so irritating.

Homer Simpson:That's not a knife... that's a knife.

Bart Simpson:That's not a knife either, man. THIS is a spoon!

Homer Simpson:A spoon? What are you gonna do, eat him to death?

Bart Simpson:Nah, I just made up this awesome game called Spoon Fighting. I'm gonna be rich!

Homer:I'll have one of those famous Australian giant beers.

Bartender:That'll be $3.

Homer:Three dollars? That's a bargain!

Bartender:Here you go.

Homer:Could I get a coffee, please?

Bartender:A coffee? I'm sorry, I don't understand. Did you say a Bud Light?

Homer:No, coffee. Black coffee.

Bartender:A black... Guinness? Coming right up.

Homer:No, no, no! Coffee! The hot brown liquid!

Bartender:Oh! You want a hot brown liquid? We have Schlitz!

Homer:Wait, wait, wait. You're gonna kick me with a boot? A BOOT?! Why not just use your foot like a normal person?!

Homer:What kind of cruel and unusual punishment is this boot?

Judge Conover:Oh, you think that's cruel? Criticizing the boot earns you the boot.

Homer:But that doesn't make any sense!

Judge Conover:Criticizing the logic earns you the boot as well.

Homer:Our justice system is the best in the world! Sure, we have a few problems, but name me one country that doesn't have people in it.

Homer:You know, there's an old saying: 'Never wear a helmet, it'll mess up your hair.' My dad told me that.

Homer:A boomerang? Great! I'll throw it and it'll come right back to me.

Bart:Dad, that's not how boomerangs work.

Homer:Well, it's like my life choices - they always come back to haunt me!

Marge:Homer, that's actually pretty insightful.

Homer:Everything I do boomerangs back on me. My diet, my job, my marriage...

Marge:Hey!

Bart:Dude, we're getting in those pouches and bouncing out of here!

Lisa:Bart, wait. Do you have any idea what you're talking about? Kangaroos don't have pouches like that. The pouch is a fold of skin on the mother's abdomen used to carry underdeveloped joeys. It's lined with mammary glands and has a sphincter muscle that keeps it closed. Plus, it smells like amniotic fluid and kangaroo placenta.

Bart:So... that's a no?

Lisa:That's a definitely no.

Australian man:These bloody frogs are everywhere, mate!

Australian man:They're hoppin' about like a bunch of crikey-jumpers on a bonzer Tuesday.

Australian man:I've seen more amphibians than a dingo in a billabong full of snozzwangers!

Australian man:Need to call the frog-wrangler before they start a foozle uprising!

Lisa:These are bullfrogs.

Australian man:Bullfrogs? That's a made-up name! We call 'em hemorrhage toads!

Bart:Wait, you're gonna kick me in the butt?

Homer:That's right, boy.

Bart:But Dad, that's a disproportionate and cruel punishment that violates the Geneva Convention!

Lisa:I promise not to mock you while you're being punished.

Bart:Thanks, Lis.

Lisa:But afterwards, all bets are off.

Lisa:I have to admit, that's impressive. The muscle control required to articulate individual letters is actually quite remarkable from a physiological standpoint.

Homer Simpson:So you're telling me we're landing on an aircraft carrier?

Military officer:That's right. It's the USS Dukakis.

Homer Simpson:The USS Dukakis? Named after the failed presidential candidate?

Military officer:Well, it's just for laundry.

Lisa:Oh no! My tadpole's eating all the algae, which means the fish have nothing to eat, so they're dying, which means the birds have nothing to eat, so they're dying, and it's all part of the food chain I created!

Lisa:I've destroyed the entire ecosystem... with science.