Whistlers Mother

Wow. Exciting, huh? - Finally getting some money. - What do you want, Lindsay?

Mother's neck. - No, that was a good investment. It is easier to look at now, isn't it?

I want to have an affair. Now, I'm not sure with who yet, but I'll need lingerie, waxings... These are some real costs, Michael.

I just feel like using my body. - Well, Lindsay, could you use it over there? I'm trying to grow.

We had sex once in the last year, and he just laid there.

Well, if I'm gonna have an affair...

I meant 'a matter of'L' and 'D'...' Life and death.

Buster's jaw clicks when he eats. I think it's what's driving his friends away.

I seem to remember a certain someone running to Mommy when his algebra teacher made an example of him.

The next day, Mr. Vandenbosch was not in school. He was never heard from again.

Pop-Pop? Sorry, miss. Pop-Pop!

But with hair! Which is probably why he asked for my hair, remember? - Give Pop-Pop your hair! - Give me the hair!

tunnelled his way through a sewer line, and then stopped to get a candy apple on his way to Mexico!

Do you know what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you? - just one? No. No idea. It sounds wonderful though.

EspeciallyJordan. He's just waiting for me to screw up, so he can blow the whistle on me.

Interesting choice of words, Mr. Jordan. He's right. We don't need a whistle-blower. We need a building full of whistle-blowers.

When you see something wrong, I wa... There you go. I want you to report it.

Let's wait till something actually happens though. Okay, good fun. All right. Hey. Enough! 45, 46, 47... Okay, there's still three whistles left out there.

I just need to prove to my wife that I can act like a man. And it's not about sex. I don't just lie there, if that's what you're thinking.

You're in love with your own brother? The one in the army? - No. Your sister's husband. - Michael? Michael! - No, that's your sister's brother. - I'm my sister's brother. - You're in love with me. Me! - I'm in love with Tobias.

I can't be expected to live on the $800-a-month army-wife stipend that I'm gonna get. They just don't support the spouses.

Well, I've always wanted to remake Annie Hall. Except I wouldn't want to get in bed with a green producer like a Sofia Coppola though. Oh, but give me an old pro, like a Robert Redford? Oh, I'd jump into bed with him in a second.

And I wouldn't just lie there, Michael Bluth... if that's what you're thinking. - Actually, that time that was what I was thinking.

Come on! These salon wars have got to stop! - The war, Lindsay. The real war.

Lindsay was stunned, notjust that she was losing her stylist... but that apparently, there was a war going on.

People love to carbo-load. - The bagel place. - There you go.

I guess that's a response.

One on the lips.

I have lemons, I make lemonade. - That's a very positive attitude. I hate the lemonade business. I hate the grind. You have to grind so many... lemons.

You're not a very metaphorical person, are you?

That was a song I wrote for David Cassidy; he was gonna sing it on The Mike Douglas Show. But he was too embarrassed to do it in front ofJohn and Yoko.

This guy has got nothing in his life. He wrote one song that madeJoan Baez call him 'the shallowest man in the world.'

I mean, they run their... their tanks through there. Occasionally, they stop for a little lemonade, but what's that? That's a buck fifty. You can't make much from that.

Fellas! Fellas!

I'm protesting the war. There's a war going on, you know? - Yeah, I'm the one who told you, and you said it happened ten years ago.

Actually, I used this one for Michael when he was too cheap to pay for the premium channels. But I added the bit about the stylists.

Have you seen the agricultural report? Nothing's hotter than coffee, so... the trend is up.

Gobias Industries. - Go bias. - As in, 'Go buy us some coffee.'

This is the first any of us at Gobias Industries have heard of a land deal.

He went around you, around the board... He steamrolled Gobias.

Maybe the worst bluff I've ever seen. Even the members of Gobias agreed on that one.

This is where we're protesting? This isn't right. Where are the cameras? - They're in the free press zone

Well, we thought you broke out of prison and were on the lam with stolen hair.

Excuse me. Your father's calling from prison. He wants to talk about the land deal you made with his brother. I found this on your desk. Can I keep this?

Thought we were seein' a gay marriage. - We can still hose 'em down.

All your water's doing is whetting my appetite for protest. No hair for oil! No hair for oil!

And he should be, you know? He told me to pay off his brother, and I didn't. Instead, I bought his worthless land.

What's this? What's happening? - It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you. - Why?

Let Mama take care of it. - No, no. Mom, come on. I don't want you to do anything. Hey! This isn't algebra. I'm a big boy. Mother! Do not make somebody dis... disappear.

Now there's someone who could have used a good mother. Whore!

You still have the neck of a 20-year-old. - And you still have the hair of a lion.

You know about what I was saying about how people outlive their usefulness? - That was out of line. - I know. But you made a good point.

Why have we been spending so much money on whistles?

I remember a young man who used to say 'But I don't have bad dreams in your bed!' - That was Buster.

I want to be... a cage dancer.

Smile.