Rom Traum

She said that I could make up whatever reason I want. You tell me what is easiest on you. Hmm, no, it's too mean. I think you're entitled, Buster. She hates you, Michael. We'll use that one.

In my case, twice. Well, two times, allegedly.

The good news is, you thought I said 'frolicking.'

Like when she used to lock me in the bathroom for grown-up selfish needs night. Oh, did we have a good time. What? No, it ended in tears.

Lucille 2's head in a box? Spooky.

Okay, now inside the stair car are two heads. One bald, one spiky. Spooky.

I almost said 'the cottage.' I changed it to 'ing on the beach.' It's 'frolicking.' 'Frolicking.'

How dare they keep track of my height while not telling me?

I don't want to use 'family,' 'cause they like each other, but they're a nice group of people.

it doesn't turn my stomach to see her eat an ice cream cone.

Did he finish that ice cream cone after I looked away? I don't know. I threw away all the ice cream.

You gotta try this new eyebrow glue. You can eat soup again.

If you tried the new eyebrow glue, you could look surprised, too.

there's not a lot of 75-year-old women who got a body like this. You know? I don't think that's bragging.

Say what you will about Ron Howard as a filmmaker, but the man is not a Nazi sympathizer.

I've heard things about what's really going on in that Grinch movie he made. You know, that anti-Christmas thing, with the Who-ish people?

Lottie-Dottie-DA? Oh, she's a shark, Michael.

The 4th of July parade is on the 2nd? Yes. They moved it because they don't want the Hispanics to get even by using up all the supplies a day early like we do with Cinco.

'Willy Wondy?' Who's Willy Wondy? 'Will he, won't he' do magic on our float. Won't he.

They, like, convert closets to, like, organize and stuff. Who would think anything different?

So, what do we have to do to get you into a closet, huh? Wow, you guys don't mince words, huh?

I've never had any complaints.

But keep in mind, we edited, like, an hour out of this.

If they're listening, just say 'dogshit.' Mm. What you said, I would repeat, but the family is here, and I want to make sure that I don't get it wrong. Get it wrong? Say 'dogshit.'

In the 30 years that I've represented this family, that is the first time anyone has said 'good j...'

It's just so mundane. I don't want to bore everyone. It's just so mundane. I'll get out of your hair.

People are gonna think, 'Here comes the next Steve Gobs.' They're gonna want... Jobs. Jobs, for sure, but they're also gonna want money.

Oh, boy. There's some of that Hollywood BS. There it is. Right there. That's how they use people.

Look at this. Three generations of Bluths in one place. Anybody have a camera? On my phone. Yes, sir. Oh, no. It's a figure of speech. I gotta run.

Uh, west. Well, I'll hang out with you at the, uh, beach. Oh, uh... No. Why did I say west? East is where I'm going. Northeast. Northeast, actually.

You know me. I'm a 20th-century guy. You can keep that futuristic stuff. Okay? Okay. Prismo. Begin. User, Michael Bluth. Lost my keys.

A good lie is head in a box, but they wanted to go with something real, so we went with the evidence they actually had.

A good lie is head in a box, but they wanted to go with something real, so we went with the evidence they actually had.

I will not let that woman steal everything I've taken from her.

Look, I have to be careful, okay? These are not tech-savvy people. The other day, I turned the lounge TV on, and now that's my job. They call me 'Buttons' now. Buttons.

Wow, I was just 'specu-lying.'

I mean, I was just day plotting. ... Wait, that's a thing? I mean, I was just day plotting.

That's a thing, too? I was just crime-storming. You know, just lying out loud. How funny.

God. Why are all the cute ones so dumb?

Like Alzheimer's? That's a thing, too? I was just crime-storming.

Yeah. A classic two-fister. An old-fashioned will he, won't he?

Oh, that's north. You said you were going northeast. Well, I'm headed north, then I'm headed east. Otherwise you don't pass the Andersen's P.S.

No, thank you. Uh, nein, danke.

If you could tear anything in two, you'd still have a shot at me.

Lindsay? That dumb blonde slut my moron son keeps calling every five minutes since she came back on Cinco de Mayo?

Well, if you mean is my son anything like his father, well, he's never had any complaints.

Since when is Viagra pink? Your mom says that the Medicare only does the generic. You know, this is estrogen.

All right, well, then, I guess all that's left to say is lights, camera, action!

You're probably not impotent, either.

I'm okay. The bathroom doesn't work back here, so I peed in a Wetzel bag.

♪ Mexican Romney Family ♪

I wouldn't say I deserved an Oscar, but...

Two guys coming out of the closet! How hard is that to understand? One is gonna be well-organized. The other one is just gonna be shredded all apart.

I need two closets! Two guys coming out of the closet! How hard is that to understand?