Wine And Roses

Johnny excitedly answers the phone 'Hello, Johnny Rose. Hello? Hello?' followed by confusion when no one responds

Johnny frantically yelling 'There's something wrong with the phones!' while everyone scrambles to patch the call around

Alexis casually tells the important business caller 'No, sorry, you have the wrong room. He's actually in room 6' and hangs up

David dramatically asking 'Can you get a heart murmur from a lack of sleep? Because I have not slept since we've got here and I think my body is shutting down.'

Alexis casually responding 'Well, I hate to admit it, but I actually know very little about heart murmurs.'

Alexis saying 'Honestly, David, I have tried to find my pulse like a thousand times and nothing. So don't worry about it.'

David's escalating health panic: 'I have not been able to find kale anywhere here- how long are we going to be talking about you for?'

David: 'I think I'm having a heart attack, is what's happening!' Alexis: 'David, you are like 34.' David: 'I'm basically 29.'

David's dramatic projection: 'I think you're gonna feel very guilty when I slip into a coma and you have to come visit me in the hospital at hospice.'

The ladybug in the wine: 'There's something in mine.' 'Oh, that's a ladybug. That's one of the good ones.'

Moira's disgust: 'No, this tastes like something one should not put in their mouth.'

Moira's sudden enthusiasm: 'Like it? It's fruit wine. What's not to like?' after calling it disgusting moments earlier

David's WebMD escalation: 'According to Web MD, I'm having a pulmonary embolism, which is much, much worse.'

David's existential question: 'People just drop dead in the streets out of sheer neglect?' about the town's medical care

Ted's dark humor: 'Well, if it is a heart attack we're way too far away from the nearest hospital for you to make it through the night.' followed immediately by 'Kidding.'

Dr.: 'if it is a heart attack we're way too far away from the nearest hospital for you to make it through the night. Kidding.'

Ted's medical question: 'Now, have you been around any feces in the past two days?' David's horrified 'I don't n...'

David's dismissal of panic attacks: 'Oh no, those... Those aren't real. Those are a PR spin for celebrity publicists.'

David's lifestyle contrast: 'I went from living in a 25 hundred square foot Soho live/workspace to a motel room with my sister.'

Ted's understated response: 'Wow. Eek. That'll do it.'

Moira: 'You called it liquid stink this morning.' Johnny: 'The whites seem less stinky.'

Johnny critiquing wine terminology: 'Peachafication!' Who uses a word like 'peachafication'? A moron... would use that.'

Moira's defensive response: 'That moron is the first moron to offer me an acting role in a very long time.'

Johnny complaining about the tote bag: 'But seriously, how cheap ass is that bag?' followed by Moira's disgusted reaction to handling it

You have to open your eyes to get it in the bag! Ugh! Good. Ugh!

Twyla asks why Alexis gets dressed up for community service, Naomi Campbell reference follows

Alexis's fashion philosophy: 'Naomi Campbell wore Dolce & Gabbana couture to her community service. And just because she was picking up roadkill did not mean that she needed to look like it.'

Twyla's confused response: 'Um... I didn't understand a word you just said.'

Patrick's self-deprecating humor about his wardrobe: 'When a guy can pack his whole wardrobe into an overnight bag, you just don't really think that he'd be much of an interior designer.'

Patrick's literal laundry method: 'It's just I do beat my laundry against rocks.' David: 'You're a freak.'

Johnny's film knowledge pretension on set: 'What uh... what kind of lens are we using here?' 'Any primes? Using any primes?'

Alexis dismissing panic attacks: 'Babe, you know that panic attacks aren't real, right? They're just things that celebrities make up to...'

David's selfish system explanation: 'I don't wanna have to bring this up... But it's my turn to take a selfish.' Reference to Dubai 2010 disaster

Johnny's onset interference causing him to be sent home: 'You're making me nervous. And apparently you're making everyone nervous.'

David and Alexis at yoga: 'Okay, well, I'm not touching you.' 'Well, I'm not touching you.'

Jocelyn's oversharing: 'Normally I do this with Roland, but he had a bad burrito so he's M.I.A.' 'Trust me, that's good news for everybody.'

Jocelyn: 'Roland had a bad burrito so he's M.I.A. Trust me, that's good news for everybody.'

Mutt revealing David's 'nervous breakdown' diagnosis: 'Ted told me all about your... Nervous breakdown.' 'When he said it was someone "precious," I knew.'

Moira's wine commercial takes: 'glace' instead of 'glass,' 'flute line' instead of 'fruit wine,' 'moina rose' instead of 'Moira Rose'

Producer's harsh ultimatum: 'that Bitch gets her Ass out of the trailer' reported by crew member

Jocelyn's sex advice during yoga: 'Um, have you tried sex?' 'Sex puts me right to sleep. You should have lots and lots of sex.'

Alexis accidentally touching Mutt inappropriately during yoga: 'Omigod! Omigod! I'm so sorry. I'm sssso sorry.' with exaggerated panic

Moira's drunken door opening method: 'How did you open the door?' 'I threw a shoe.'

Moira: 'I can't feel my tongue. But I know it's there because I'm talking.'

Johnny's confession about being drunk on Sunrise Bay: 'You were drunk most of season three... And half of season four... End of season five.'

Johnny's motivational speech: 'You're radiant. You're beguiling. You're daytime television's brightest star!'

Yoga confessions: 'I burnt my sausage casserole.' 'I'm pretty sure I'm really lonely here.'

Moira's final wine commercial with completely mangled winery names: 'Herb Erfling... ger. Burt Herngeif. Irv Herb-blinger. Bing Livehaanger. Liveling. Burt Herkurn. Ban-Bingo ling-!'